Breakdown

It's 8:11pm here on a Thursday night and life right now is revolving around watching old "Whose Line is it Anyway" on youtube. It is only me and another guy on late shifts and sure work these days may be a bit slow after the Christmas / New Year rush but this week is the last of my horrible 12:30 - 9:00 shifts. It feels weird to wake up at 9am and then have to wait a three and a half hours before you start work. Next week i'll be making the slow adjustment to a 9-5 day.

Life right now is pretty good considering that two nights ago i just broke down emotionally. Two days ago Sab emailed me from work (we keep each other company during the day) and she had just emailed me that she had resigned from her job and that she was leaving to commence her teaching degree in Western Australia in a couple of weeks. Why am i making this information public? Because it helps me get better silly as that sounds. My blog has morphed from an online diary of events to my own dairy about the total aspects of my life (well the stuff that is fit for public knowledge) that i'm sharing with the 3 possibly 4 people that read this. When i look back years i'd like to have some sort of memory of the difficult time i have had since i came back home. It all came out Tuesday night when my mum asked me "how was work?"

I replied "i found myself looking at flights for overseas later in the year." With that I just started to cry because Sab was going, i'm back home feeling like a burden to my parents, i'm missing being overseas and the feeling that life was so much bigger, i'm missing Candace, Kate, the chinese teachers, the kids and yes even Martine as well even though the last time i saw her was the year before last. I felt that i had a massive time ahead of me just to get into a position where possibly i may get the chance to go overseas again and that i'm back home and i didn't really want to be here. I'm in a job that is fine and the people are nice yet i think i may know what i want to be but just can't figure out the exact details as yet.

For 45 minutes i cried and it was a long time coming. I felt that i needed to get this off my chest because it was holding me back and i was deperatley holding on to the time of my life which seemed the most exciting and fulfilling. Yet yesterday morning i felt fine. I woke up wanting to make the most of my time at home and i'll know deep down that when the time is right to leave it will be because i am not trying to get out of Melbourne but because i want to see more of the world.

A few people heard about how i felt a couple nights ago and i want to thank you all for your support. It really felt that my life was back to square one (pre March 2004) but it's not because this is a different phase in my life and i'll be looking forward to it. I may be in the same environment that caused me to leave in the first place but this time around i'm prepared for it, i'm more mature (some people may argue otherwise) but i know that right now life is about enjoying the moment. Well actually all of your life is about enjoying the moment right?

For 45 minutes i cried and it was a long time coming. I felt that i needed to get this off my chest because it was holding me back and i was deperatley holding on to the time of my life which seemed the most exciting and fulfilling. Yet yesterday morning i felt fine. I woke up wanting to make the most of my time at home and i'll know deep down that when the time is right to leave it will be because i am not trying to get out of Melbourne but because i want to see more of the world.

A few people heard about how i felt a couple nights ago and i want to thank you all for your support. It really felt that my life was back to square one (pre March 2004) but it's not because this is a different phase in my life and i'll be looking forward to it. I may be in the same environment that caused me to leave in the first place but this time around i'm prepared for it, i'm more mature (some people may argue otherwise) but i know that right now life is about enjoying the moment. Well actually all of your life is about enjoying the moment right?