Life inside the Temples...Day One

Breathtaking, Awe-inspiring, Majestic and Powerful.

Sure these are words that describes myself (you can all laugh now) but these four words are the best ones to describe ones feelings after we visited the Angkor temples. We decided on a three day pass and in hindsight, this was an insipred move. From what looked like an adventure that could have been over in one day turned out to be a two and a half day fun filled odyssey.

On the advice of the owner of the guest house we were staying in, they organised a tuk-tuk driver who started the day but not understanding that i needed to get to the bank as the ATM machine took my Mastercard the day before. After giving directions to the driver to the bank, i found that i needed all this paperwork sent over before i could get my card back. Thinking that the card expires in a couple of months before i get a new one, i decided to leave it there in the machine. Sab and i said thank you to our driver and decided to find a new one. Not more than 30 seconds later we found a driver who went by the name of "Funny Guide." Bingo!!

About 30 mins later we were driving past the front of Angkor Wat. Now Angkor Wat is the temple you see on TV or in magazines and even on the Cambodia flag. Sab and I were going to save the biggest and best till last. We drove on a bit further to the second most historic temple at Angkor..the Bayon. The Bayon was considered the centre of the Khmer Universe during its heyday and the ability to actually go inside and explore rather than seeing it from behind a rope was sensational. I felt like a 10 year old boy who stumbled across the biggest cubby house in the world. All around me was thousands of years of history and i could touch it and be inside these wonders of man and imagine how this civiliastion actually created such structures.

Sab and i have concluded that we havn't seen a better historical monument in our lives than Angkor. With the numerous other temples that followed the experience kept getting better and better.

I'm just happy to be here at Angkor

Angkor has an inspirational aspect to it that has not been matched in any place i have ever seen. The day didn't start off to well as Sab and i were ripped of into purchasing Angkor Books and anything else under the sun. We actually videotaped this little adventure and after watching it again, it's amazing how determined Cambodian sellers are to get your money. When i mean sellers i mean anyone between the ages of three and three hundred. This is a constant source of frustration in Cambodia for as much as you want to help out the people here by purchasing things you don't really need (such as my traditional Cambodian Wooden Cow Bell) you can't really find a moments peace to yourself.

Our first stop on the tour was to the Bayon which is the epicentre of the larger Angkor Thom complex. This temple is the second most impressive behind Angkor Wat and its most impressive feature are the carved faces set in massive blocks of stone. It's hard to imagine it was built in the late 12th century but even today looking at these impressive ruins you cannot help but think "How did they do it?" The next stop was the Baphon temple which is as close as the Khmer Empire got to making a pyramid. One side of the structure used to have a recline Bhudda built into the side of it but these days it looks like a big pile of blocks. Once we were there a local decided that he would tag along and tell us about the temple. As impressive as his knowledge was there was the catch at the end of it which was this "i'm a poor student and i need money for tuition." At the time in all honesty Sab and I didn't have any money on us so we couldn't pay him. He walked away dejected and we walked away knowing not to fall for that trap again.

Along our travels we also ventured into the Leper King Temple and the Elephant Terrace and it just added to the whole amazing experience that is Angkor. After lunch we made our way around to other various temples where by we were hassled by more kiddies out of our money. Our list of new pointless but later in life we'll sit back and laugh items included my cow bell, a traditional Cambodian flute, more books and another t-shirt as i sweated my way though the first one. More temples followed (Thommanon and Ta Phrom) which included the one filmed in "Tomb Raider" which looked like it was being held up by these mammoth trees.

Big Temples, Massive Trees!

The long awaited sunset came and after climbing a mountain and finding our spot, we waited for a magical sunset. The only problem was that the sky was very grey and there was only a glimmer of sunset hovering over the massive man made lake. It wasn't the best looking sunset (even though with the help of a amatuer professional Japanese cameraman who had a few tricks in order to get great sunset pics i tried to take one but failed) but the experience was magical until the thunderstorm made the tourists at the top of this mountain temple quickly scamper. With these maginificent temples being only an entree' to the man dish that is Angkor Wat, Sab and i had spent a marvellous day in the ruins of a powerful civilisation and went to bed that night looking forward to the next day and seeing the majesty that is Angkor Wat.

Life outside the Temples - Siem Reap Style

So many landmines...So many victims..this is the real Cambodia.

With our long awaited sleep in out the way (for Sabrina that means waking up after 6.30 a.m.) we decided that today was going to be a quiet day seeing what Siem Reap has to offer outside the mecca that is Angkor Temples.

Eventually leaving our quaint guest house about 10 a.m. I found a pamphlet which told us to visit the Cambodian Landmines museum. On the map which was so far out of scale it was crazy, what looked like a 15-20 minute walk turned out to be a 45 minute slog though the backstreets of Siem Reap. As we ambled along the Siem Reap River we were once again turning a stroll into a mission to find this place. We eventually found the museum whch consisted of a few wooden huts, trees and landmines everywhere. This museum was due to the work of one man: Mr Aki Wa who was captured as a child by the Khmer Rouge and taught how to make and place landmines among the Cambodian countryside. When he was about 15 he was captured by the Vietnamese Army (who came to liberate Cambodia from the Khmer Rouge) and then turned his attention to finding and destroying landmines. His method of choice? A big stick with a knife attached to the end.

Not only does he go all aover Cambodia and continue his search for landmines but he also set up an orphanage for children affected by these horrible machines of war. One such child came with Sab and I around the grounds and explained the different types of mines that were used in Cambodia. His right arm was blown off just under the elbow and he lost his left eye due to the workings of a Chinese made plastic mine which was about the same size as a Coke can cut in half. His story is just one of many here in Cambodia and the sight of all these minds boggled me. How could a country and its leaders force such pain on is own citizens?

The museum was also eye opening not only due to the victims pain but that the fact that as of December 2004, the United States, Singapore and China did not sign the ban on the use and production of landmines. That really pissed me off.

After the museum Sab and I actually directed out Tuk Tuk driver to our next destination. We were on our way to a charity that had blind man massage and you paid donations for the massage. It was one of the most relaxing massages i have ever had and Sab didn't want to get off the table which shows how good they were. The adjoining exhibition showed how this charity helped the lives of children around the country and it made me wish i was in a position of wealth to give large donations to there tireless workers.

Our ride into Siem Reap took us to the old market area which specialised in really smelly foods and trinkets of all shapes and sizes. I didn't find anything i like so we made our way to the ATM to get some more money out. I hit the wrong button on my PIN number and the machine swallowed my card! I thought you got three strikes and you are out. So before we visit the Angkor temples i have to go into town and say "can i have my Mastercard back please?"

With the afternoon rain starting to fall the Grande Cafe was our pitstop for a little while whereby i ate one of the biggest desserts ever in my life. It was crossaunt bread filled with vanilla ice cream and covered in whipped cream, almonds and hot chocolate fudge. Needless to say i destroyed it and my sugar count is probably off the charts right now. I needed a haircut and i found a place that shaved most of the length of my hair off for 2 U.S. dollars. Not the best haircut i've had but not the worst.

So tomorrow it's off the the reason we are here...the famous temples of Angkor. I'll try and get some great photos for you all to see.

Have a great week everyone.

Bye Bye Laos - Hello Cambodia

Sunny Skies, Palm Trees & Religion - Vientiane Style

Before i start Sab and I are in Cambodia at a town called Siem Reap..home of Angkor Wat.

But first i have to tell you something about the travel philosophy of the Italians. When one of your most enduring images of the country of Laos is of an Italian man wearing 2 sizes to small bike shorts with his bulge out there for all the world to see, you know something is just not right. This unfortunate display took place in front of the local restaurant that Sab and i had been dining at that night on the Mekong River. The air was warm and the night sky was dominated by dark grey with the occasional bolt of lightning making a guest appearance. All of a sudden one of the guests of the hotel decided that his eating apparel of choice was of a singlet and shorts that seemed to be painted on. It's not like i was looking on purpose but i was shocked as to me...when you go out to eat the mouse stays in the house...not vice versa. More on the Italians later.

The last time i had updated pepsplace was in the quiet capital of Vientiane. Before we left for the south i decided that it was time to immerse ourselves in Lao history. I know i know..the Beerlao factory is history enough but when the National Museum is across the road from your guesthouse, you know that i want to take a look but when we first entered the rustic mansion things weren't exactly as i secretly hoped for. Instead of seeing old guns and pictures of revolutionaries plastered on the walls, we had come across a history of the human race. I know the basic story. Ape turns into man over a few thousand years but there is no need to know about this. I came here with the explicit idea that i would be surrounded by war and not plastic models of caveman villages near the Mekong River 10,000 or so years ago.

Sab shot me a look that said "Why did you want to come here?" and i was feeling the same. It was the National Museum and i thought that seen that Laos has had more bombs dropepd on it than any other country there has to be something about the Indochina conflict of years before. So far the closest i had come was an ancient pot that used to have deceased babies put inside it for religious purposes. Upstairs was a different story as i finally saw what i came to see. Rustic guns and propaganda..these are the hallmarks of a museum in this part of the world for me. It was great to see that the museum took a very neutral slant towards the countries history especially under 95% of the photos where this line would appear:

"With the help of the Imperialist United States and its puppets."

After that visit which renewed my faith in the amusing Socialist slant of history i had the sudden desire to make my way back to the National Firing Range. It was only a block away but i decided to go against the idea as my body decided it was in need of chocolate mousse more than a Smith & Wesson .38.

The rest of the afternoon saw us count down the time till we made our way down to Southern Laos. We were booked in for a 10 hour busride to a town called Pakse where we would have to jump on another bus and ride another 5 hours to a location called the "4000 Islands." The bus itself wasn't that bad, in fact it was the most comfortable bus we had been on. It even had a flurecent green lights in the engine compartment so that gotta mean something right? Sab and I took the initiative early by deciding to watch "Entrapment" on our portable DVD player rather than watch a dodgy copy of "Broken Arrow" on a TV we couldn't see the top half of. Also the movie was on Lao audio with English subtitles. Whilst the ride wasn't the most comfortable i had managed to actually fall asleep. The only way i knew i was asleep was when in my dream i said to myself "Hey i'm asleep." At about 5.50 in the morning (we had left at 7.30 the night before) we were heading into Pakse and the following video will explain how wake up calls are done in this part of the world.



As you can see, it's probably the worst wake up call in my living history. By the time we got to Pakse it was raining and our cheap ponvchos were taken out of the bag only to be put away again soon after as we caught another bus (this time only 3 hours) to the island of Don Khone, the largest of these 4000 islands. The problem was they weren't really islands per se`. They were just a bunch of trees that somehow pierced themselves from the muddy brown Mekong River and forced themselves skyward. I'm sure when the river is low then they may actually look like islands but for now they looked like one big flooded backyard. After settling in we decided to take the bikes for a spin. at first we were going to actually attempt riding a scooter but due to philosophical differences (the owner said we had to pay for petrol extra and we didn't want to) we opted for the more standard pushbike. The scenery on Don Khone was amazing. All around us there were lush green rice fields and farmers just working away not knowing that only a kilometer down the road in a guest house room, an illegal DVD of "Clerks 2" was going to be played later that night.

Renovators Dream here at Don Khone - Swimming pool avaliable only in wet season.

Then about 30 minutes of seeing the same scenery, we turned back towards the guesthouse where i spend the rest of the afternoon listening to my iPod on the balcony of our guset house and enjoying the delights of a few Beerlao. The next morning Sab and I were boked on a tour of two of the smaller islands - Don Det and Don Khon. These two islands in the Lonely Planet are written up as " a chance to see village life and stay in riverside bungalows." Sounds great but after taking 90 minutes to get there on boat we were told by the boat driver that we had to get off, walk to the bridge that connected the islands, cross it, keep walking and see the biggest waterfalls in Southeast Asia (since then we found out they weren't) walk back and be back at the boat in 5 hours time!

So after walking though mud and between cows and pigs we finally made it to the only railway bridge the French built in Laos. I would have been more interested if not for the fact it took 90 minutes and 5 kilometers instead of the suggested 30 minutes and 2 kilometers. Another hour later we had made it to the Somphamit Falls which during the rainy season looked like a busted sewer pipe rather than the splendor of the Kuang Si waterfalls outside of Luang Prabang. Then it was back towards the boat where it took us two and a half hours to get back due to the strong Mekong current that the boat was driving against. It was a nice day out in hindsight but if someone says you are doing a tour, you would hope that you would actually get a tour guide and not a driver who said" get out and see you soon."

On Teddy's right (your left) is Laos- On his left (your right) Cambodia

Don't get me wrong, the past few days have had some magic but it has been overshadowed in some respects by the twin towers of fear that travellers hate - travel time and transport. The day after our so called 'tour' we were on our way to Kampong Cham in Cambodia. On the way to Cambodia we passed two Lao checkpoints where you had to get your visa stamped to get out of the country. This is where the Italians come into play. Not only did they not get their stamp stamped at either of the TWO checkpoints we passed but we had to wait for them not only to go back up the road and wait for their Laos visa to get stamped, but also wait for them as they were being issued their Cambodian visa and complain to a bus driver on a price to take them to Kampong Cham.

Like John Cusack said in 'High Fidelity' "I'm not the smartest man in the world but i'm not the dumbest either...i'm a middleweight." Even someone with my lack of wordly knowledge is smart enough to know that you:

a) don't smoke like a chimney around minivans as the smell of smoke wafts into the van or on your clothes

b) you can put your arm around your lover put try not to play tonsil hockey every 30 minutes

c) complain to the locals that transport prices are high when you haven't booked seats

d) act like you are the only people in the minivan by talking Italian with the volume turned up.

I don't like minivans. They make me sick physically. When you have 16 people in a bus designed for 12 all i want is some sort of quiet where i can try and block out the fact my bag is where my testicles used t be due to the lack of space. At one time on a bumpy dirt road we had to stop as one of the Italians wanted a photo of a kid on a buffalo. Not to sound like an old biddy but can you do that after we get to our stop. I'm sure there are other kids riding buffaloes like the Lone Ranger around Cambodia. Hell there may be even a buffalo riding academy here but why oh why did we have to stop for them!!

Some of you might say that i'm culturally insensitive to the European traveller. Some of it may be born out of jealousy due to a lack of real culture back in Oz but this time around there were no excuses of the Italians behaviour. It was disgraceful. I was tired and stinky. I hated them. Eventually we made it to Kratie which was three hours before our designated stop but as we were running nearly three hours late it was decided that we would settle here for the night. Whislt we waited for the rest of the bus to move on to Kampong Cham we found out that the bus driver selected for the Kratie - Kampong Cham route got pissed and shot though on his next job. This further delayed the bus and even though we were supposed to get into Kampung Cham about 5 that afternoon - i think they would have arrived about 10pm that night.

This morning (as in today- the day i'm writing this) saw us take a 10 hour busride from Kratie to Siem Reap. Though this was an actual bus and even with the annoying Chinese movie being played through rustic speakers, the journey was quite pleasnt. I tried to sleep but i couldn'tand i wanted to drink water but didn't out of fear of sudden pressure against my bladder in a remote location in a country full of undiscovered landmines. The hours just slowly waltzed by until this afternoon about 5pm when we were greeted by a sea of Tuk Tuk driver all wanting their business. After fiding a guy who said that he was our driver (part of the bus ticket price was a free ride into Siem Reap town on a Tuk Tuk) there was confusion shortly after as another man with our names written in texta came to find us and say "Don't go with him, he is a liar. I've been waiting two hours for you." Well he had our names on a piece of paper and even though there are stories of bus companies giving away clients names and sending them to hotels as part of another 'commission' scandal, we went with the sign wielding driver and made our way into Siem Reap with no troubles.

Tomorrow we are going to have a well deserved sleep in and have a look around town.

Tonight i did have pizza for dinner though, so much for my dislike of Italians huh?

The last time i had updated

Bikes, Beer, Guns...and more Temples.

The National Symbol of Laos - Pha That Luang.

Welcome to Vientiane.

Home of Asia's best beer, Asia's slowest capital city, Asia's most central firing range, Asia's version of the Arc de Triomphe and from what i have seen so far Asia's most simplistic stupa. (Stupa is a type of temple...it's a Bhuddist thing).

The ride in from Luang Prabang yesterday was a bit dicey and i wasn't feeling the best. Add to this when we asked the Tuk Tuk driver who picked us up from the terminal to take us to one part of Vientiane he took us to a completly different part of town just because he may get a comission from the hotel he decided to park us out the front of. We decided to walk around and find a place a bit cheaper and about 10 minutes later we stumbled across a place where by i think we are the only people staying there.

Last night we found ourselves in a ghost town as Vientiane isn't the most exactly populated of capital cities. Sure it pace is slower than a Datsun 120 and the streets are paved with dirt but that didn't deter my tavel buddy and I to get out the next day and see what this capital city has to offer.

Downtown Vientiane - Monday Morning -10.30a.m.

After borrowing bikes from our guest house Sab and i made our way down to the Cambodian embassy to get our visas for the last leg of our Southeast Asian tour. After eventually finding the embassy we decided to check out two architectual triumphs that dominate the Vientiane skyline. Actually a Meccano set replica of the Eiffel tower would dominate the skyline here. So after riding around in the drizzle we finally came across Victory Gate. This was built in 1962 and is supposed to be a replica of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris. The resemblance was uncanny. From the pictures i've seen of the Arc in Paris it is a monument that draws you with it's presence and raw beauty. Vientianes Arc draws you in with its haughtiness and its raw concrete.

Teddy at the Victory Gate

Following the Arc we rode our way through more drizzle to the most important building in Laos. Pha That Luang is the largest stupa in Laos was built in the 16th century. Compared to all the other stupas and temples we have seen so far, i think i like this one the most because the design is simple. It's not flashy like most other stupas but its refined which to make makes it look more regal. According to the locals there is a part of Bhuddas body in here. With the number of temples we have seen that claim to have a piece of Bhudda, i'm guessing that this one contains only a discarded toenail from Bhuddas left pinkie toe.

On our way back from Pha That Luang Sab ran into some trouble with her bike. The chain fell off and some very nice locals helped her fix it. Actually the following video will tell you all the details.

With Sabs bike fixed it was time to squeeze off a few rounds at the Laos Shooting Range just behind the Olympic Stadium. Considering the shooting range is about two blocks from our guesthouse and we are pretty much in downtown Vientiane, it is by far the most centrally located firing range i've ever come across. Considering this is the first firing range i have been to loated in an urban setting, Sab and i did pretty well. We had turns of firing a Russian .22 calibre pistol and i had 15 shots and hit the target 13 times. Not bad considering it's the first time i've ever used a handgun. As much as i enjoyed firing the gun, i'm not about to join the NRA anytime soon. I mean its not that often you get the chance to fire a weapon in the middle of the city...unless you live in Detroit.

I am the Terminator!

After a hearty lunch Sab and i decided that we were going to pick up our Cambodian visas on the way to the Beerlao factory. Because this is by far Asia's best beer we though why not go on the tour and get us a couple of free samples of the liquid gold. As we continued to ride the drizzle that accompaied us all day the drizzle king decided to turn up the volume. What we thought (and were told by a sales representative at a local Honda scooter shop) was going to be a nice 30 minute ride to the factory ended up taking about 80 minutes through the drizzle and riding on those damned potholed dirt roads. Lucky I have an ass that's well padded.

We were drenched and sweaty but for some reason we didn't give in. This was turning into a pilgramige for us and no pissy amount of rain or ass numbing roads was going to stop us now. It was our crusade to get to that Beerlao factory, take the tour and sink some free piss. After eventually finding the factory we were informed by the lady at the front desk that there were no tours this week as the factory was under maintenence. Slightly dissapointed we made our way over to the beer tasting room where no beer before has tasted so good. Even Sab can testify that this is one of the worlds great beers and the effort to get here was well worth it. After picking up a couple of bottle openers for ourselves we had the task of riding back into town.

The best beer in Asia...probably the world.

Another 80 minute ride back into town though more drizzle and dirt, the sight of our guest house was heaven. I would say we rode about 50 kilometers around Vientiane and it was one of the best days on this holday so far. Tomorrow we are going to check out the local markets and the Lao National Museum. That's across the road from our guest house.

The bikes are going to take the day off.

Rolling on a River

A man and his tubes.


Water, a godsend for some people and a burden for others. Being a Aquarian it seems that my star sign is known as "The Water Bearer" yet it seems that I find myself in deep water again. I've always enjoyed being around and in water. I don't remember learning to swim but I'm sure while I was learning to swim I managed a way to stuff that up.

Which brings me to today. Sure a couple of days ago I was saying that I will never ever do any water sports again but that's the whole reason Sab and I are in Vien Viang is to try tubing. It's a pretty simple idea. You get on a rubber tube and let the current of the water take you to where you get off. Sure it sounds simple in theory but in the Lonely Planet Guide to Southeast Asia it said basically "if you are doing it in the rainy season, take extra care otherwise you'll be stuffed." So with this in mind we made our way down to the river and parked our asses on a tube.

When i was seven i was at the beach on the tube during summer holidays. I was happily lying about on our K-Tel Smurf Breakertube when i found myself a little bit later on about 300 meters from shore. I had fallen asleep on the tube and drifted out into Port Philip Bay. I was picked up by a passing boat and given a lift back into shore. Thinking about that previous tubing experience i was a little hesitant about getting back on the tube. It's been raining for two days and it made the river current a little bit faster than usual.

The 5 hour mini bus ride from Luang Prabang to Vian Vieng snaked its way along a twisty hilly road that caused me to suffer from altitude sickness. The ride down the river was a walk in the park compared to the bus. The scenery along the river was amazing and the river was guarded by sharp jagged mountains on one side and farmland on the other. I didn't get any photos as it was a bit hard trying to whip your camera out floating down a river.

It was supposed to take about 90 minutes. It took us about 45. That's one fast moving river. Along the way there were restaurants and places where you could jump off towers into the water but i was happy enough to stay on the tube and just relax. For once the event went smoothly. No surprises..no bad luck. I was waiting for the last part of the trip as in the Lonely Planet it says "make sure you stay on the right side of the river and don't go down the left hand side as someone was killed there." Well whoever was killed must have been drunk or stoned as it was impossible to get to the left hand side of the river anyway. I floated to our getting off point and my tube reversed itself onto the bank of the river.

It was a short 10 minute walk back into town and before we knew it we were back in our room. We were wet but i actaully didn't fall in the river this time! Miracles can happen. It was a magial experience that i would be happy to undertake again.

Kyacking can go and get stuffed.

The town of Vian Vieng is a sleepy little place where it seems that every restaurant is obessed about playing as many episodes of "Friends" back to back as posible. The only respite you have from Ross and Rachel was at one other restaurant whereby you could be marinaded by the humour of Homer and Bart. The plus side to this is that these restaurants have tables where you can put your feet up and lie down whilst watching "Friends." Sure 4 episodes fly past before you have time to blink but that's the charm of this sleepy hollow. Even if it rained for all the time we stayed there and this rain interrupted our plans for mountain biking it didn't matter, there was always Chandler and Monica to keep you occupied. They were there for me.

By the way Sab and I keep running into the guy who i found lived up the end of my street. Everywhere we look he is there. He was in the local internet cafe with his last set of dry clothes as the laundry lady was late in returning his clothes and he had to catch a bus i the morning. I said he could take my umbrella and i'm sure i'll see him futher down the road. I better...that umbrella was a 7-11 special.

This commercial really scared me in 1986.

When i was 6 years old i first saw this commercial and i've been scared of it ever since.

It's been 20 years since i last saw it and i was afraid to watch it.

About 30 mins ago i was just surfing the web and thought i would try my luck and see if this ad for flavoured milk was online. Sab and i were talking about nightmares we had as a kid last night and this was my biggest one by far.

Something about this ad disagreed with me when i was a young pup. It was all that lightning and crappy music i guess. The scence in the kitchen with the family terrified me as i thought something like that would happen to my mummy and daddy and big brother. I had nightmares for about a year after this commercial.

Looking back i don't know why..maybe i was just a little sissy.

Oh Mother Nature you saucy vixen!

Heaven on Earth

The most beautiful waterfall in the world i have ever seen.

That's the only way to describe the Kuang Si Waterfalls 45 minutes outside of Luang Prabang. This place was spectacular and as you can see an oasis of clear water surrounded by lush greenery. Sab and i went to the falls today and we were both blown away at the beauty of this place. There is a larger waterfall which is about 25 meters high further up ( Teddy Richards got a photo at that waterfall) but i thought i would post this one because it's the best picture i took today that displays how magical this place is.

After a very bumpy ride out of town and to the falls, we made our way into the water and yes you can actually swim here! After yesterdays kyacking disaster it was a relief to be swimming under your own power in this piece of paradise. Sab and i stayed in the chilly waters for a while and i didn't want to get out.

As much as i enjoyed diving 8 meters into the water at the Nha Trang Waterfall in Vietnam, the Kuang Si waterfall is by far the most beautiful place i have ever had the pleasure to swim at...yep it even beats swimming in the outdoor pool at the East Keilor Leisure Centre in autumn...man now that was a cold pool.

This swimming hole was just plain cool.

The River was Wild (well in parts it was)

First- a little disclaimer.

I'm not nautical.

Kyacking has never got me excited in the pants department. The concept of navigating a raft on water to me is beyond my physical and mental capabilities. As much as I love swimming in water, I know I don't have the ability to navigate on it.

I'm just a goose when it comes to these things.

So what did Luang Prabang serve up for me today?

Sab and I decided to try our luck at white water rafting. In the years that could be called my "childhood" which basically was between 1979 and 2004 I sometimes came across a scene in a movie where a group of people would ride over fast breaking rapids without falling into the fast current beneath them. After my bamboo rafting efforts of a few days ago (you can read about that here on the blog) I returned to my first love, navigating crafts on water.

On our 2 hour drive out of town, the eight lucky people on our tour group were told that they had the choice between kyacking and white water rafting. Sab and I wanted to do the rafting and skip the kyacking but more on that later. During the drive through the beautiful countryside the local kids would wave to us and with big smiles planted on their faces as well. They are such beautiful kids and they are so happy with their lives even if it means running around your little village with no pants on all day.

Then all of a sudden we had to stop. Our guides were told by a man walking up the road that they were about to explode a bomb. Seriously..this bomb was dropped in the "American War." I love how its called the 'American War.' Indochina has had so many wars here throughout its history that its amazing to me they have not just kept calling them 'World Wars.' If that was the case Indochina would be on about World War 23. A 30 year old armament buried next to the road was about to be detonated. I had recently finished a book about the Peace Treaty in the Vietnam War which also touched on the bombing of Laos. Naturally I was pretty excited. Would we see a massive fireball and then a great plume of smoke just like in the movies?

Nope. Instead there was a loud BANG! and the trip was allowed to continue.

Once we reached our destination Sab and I volunteered our services to kyack. Now the only instruction we received was if you fall in put one hand on your paddle and one hand on your boat. We were on our way and then all my years of water navigation kicked in. I couldn't get the thing straight and this didn't impress Sab. She's done a little bit of this stuff before where as I had zero experience. Before we knew it we had hit a rock and we tumbled into the water.

Once again in the movies when people fall in the water they somehow get back in but nope. Sab and I looked like a couple of freaks with no idea how to get back in but somehow we managed to get our asses back in the kyack. Up ahead was a small rapid that was beset by small trees on the right side. Our guides didn't tell us what to do so we tried to follow the people in front of us and we were just about to get a clear ride into the rapid section the back of our craft hit the very last tree we needed to get around. This is where all hell broke loose.

The boat capsized and the both of us were stuck under the boat. With out life jackets pulling us up to the surface we couldn't get under the boat. The kyack was jammed between two trees and we were jammed underneath. I was bobbing up and down and couldn't catch my breath. I was still holding on to the boat just like the guide said but in my head I had to let go hoping that the rapids would pull me under from the boat. So I let go and managed to end up about 5 meters further down the trees then Sab who by this time was out from under the kyack. I managed to grab a thick branch and I was trying to get back to Sab but with the current it was impossible. I was holding with everything I had just so I wouldn't get swept away again.

Sab was beside her self and the rest of the group were past the rapids and had no chance to come back to get us due to the current. We stayed with our boat holding onto these spindly trees and fast running out of energy. I thought if we just let go the rapid will take us to safety and I also thought to myself "It's not my time." Seriously folks, I was shitscared beyond recognition. The trees and rocks under the water were grazing at our skins and somehow I couldn't hold on and just let go. The rapids took us out of the trees and into more calming waters. Sab and the kyack followed suit and there we were floating in the river with no raft and no oars.

Eventually the kyack floated near me and I managed to grab it but I couldn't get back on. One of the guides jumped in and helped me get back on the kyack. Sab was pulled back onto the white water raft and we were both safe. According to the people at the place we booked at the rapids we went down were a class three which you could say is medium rapids. I'd never done this before so it was well above my experience and I'm telling you, I think it will be a while before I do it again.

Further down the river I fell in again with the guide but there were no trees thank god. I was just laughing my head off because I can never get something to go smoothly, something always has to go wrong on holidays. The whole group stopped for lunch on a little bank on the river and we also went in for a little swim which was nice. After lunch I parked my ass on the white water raft and enjoyed observing the scenery from this big bastard of a rubber boat. The mountains framing the river are amazing and the fresh mountain air was just beautiful to breathe.

The rest of the afternoon saw us go through some more rapids and also just float our way down to the final destination, a small local village. The people here have such a simple life that it really puts your life into perspective. After a nearly two hour ride back in the rain the group finally made it back to Luang Prabang and after a well deserved hot shower and a mediocre pizza it will be time to have a very long sleep.

Looking back I enjoyed the day and I'm glad I did it but after being stuck under that kyack not knowing what was going to happen next, it won't be something I'll go back to for a little while.

Tomorrow Sab and I are going to check out the local waterfall which is supposed to be amazing.

I'll stick to swimming I think from now on.

There's no place like home!!

Today I finally learned the lesson on "the world really is a small place."

For most of today Sab and I spent it talking to some guy we had never met but I'm sure I'd seen him before. I did see this guy before actually...It was last night as Sab and I were walking down a laneway he was eating at a restaurant by himself. I observe these things where as my traveling partner doesn't.

But that wasn't it.

It all started this morning as Sab and I wandered down the street from our guest house for a late brekky. We decided to take the day off today after our horrendous speedboat adventure the day before. The weather today was divine as we found ourselves sitting at a restaurant on the bank of the mighty Mekong River. After a hearty omlette and fresh as fresh can be baguette Sab and I were thinking what we were going to do with the rest of the day.

Suggestions were thrown about of riding a bike around town, walking around or just do what we do pretty well...nothing. This thought process was interrupted by a guy who suggested that we see one of the waterfalls just outside of town. "Gorgeous" and "divine" were some of the words that he used to describe this waterfall he just came back from earlier in the morning.

After a little while after deciding that his accent was perfectly Australian the age old question was asked. "So where in Australia are you from?" Sab and I can answer in perfect unison these days in a manner that would make Torvill and Dean jealous.
"Melbourne" we said that was short and succint.

After finding out that this guy was from Coburg I thought "Yeah that's pretty close to East Keilor. About 15-20 mins away." Sab grew up in East Keilor for a while too so she has deep affection for places such as the Centerway, JB-Hi Fi and Milleara Road. For me anyone who is in a 20 minute radius of Norwood Drive gets a tip of my hat and even more of my attention as I can talk about things like Buckley Street, Highpoint Shopping Centre and Footscray and not be on the receiving end of a look which screams out "Mate..what the hell are you talking about?"

Then the bombshell came as this bald headed but bearded man said "but I grew up in East Keilor."

Now the odds of meeting a fellow Aussie from the mean streets of EK are pretty thin but what I learned next made that pretty thin turn into a needle in a haystack. "Where did you live in East Keilor?" I asked thinking he would answer something like Noga Ave. Brees Road or the top end of Milleara Road near the Centreway. East Keilor...Respect!

"I grew up in Sterling Drive" Baldman said
"I GREW UP IN NORWOOD DRIVE!" I exclaimed.



On the above map the distance between the places we grew up would roughly be 800-900 meters. My house that served as my life for 24 years is located just under the N in Norwood Drive. This guys place where he grew up is at the top end of Norwood Drive on Sterling Drive. Imagine the scene: Three people sitting in a little town on the Mekong River 10000 kilometers from home just discovering that they all lived within 2 kilometers with each other growing up.

So more memories of home kept flooding back. I was just amazed that here we were talking about waterfalls one minute then we find ourselves sitting talking to this guy (his name was Peter by the way) for 5 hours. Peter, Sab and I talked about holidays and how much we all love Chiang Mai in Thailand and anything and everything in between. He was traveling the world with no plans and was just falling head over heels for Asia and with all the time we have spent here we gave him plenty of ideas to travel around this part of the world. I found out also that he was friends in primary school with my neighbour across the road from my house and he remembers visiting my neighbours house and smelling that combination of Italian furniture and Italian cooking. I was stoked to say the least! (To everyone back in East Keilor, he's talking about Danny and the house was Pina's.)

It was 4 pm when we decided to actually do something with our day. We swapped email addresses to keep in touch and went our separate ways. Sab and I did a little bike ride around the town which was lovely and then we can straight here because i had to tell you all (the three people that actually visit this blog) that the world really is a small place.

Sometimes it's so small it's freaky!

Stoopid Asia is as Stoopid Asia Does...

My names Pepper..Mark Pepper and I'm a stoopid rich Westerner.

Asia.

You always find a way to piss me off just when I'm about to put on the rose coloured glasses.

After my glowing appraisal of Chiang Mai a couple of days ago it's come to my conclusion that as a Westerner in this part of the planet, you will never ever ever ever ever get treated as an equal citizen. According to the unofficial "Asian to Westerner Booklet of etiquette" anyone who has some sort of a skin colour that is of a lighter shade than the locals is a combination of Bill Gates in the finance department and Forrest Gump in the Intelligence department.

Now I'm not as rich as Bill or as stupid as Forrest but after the events of the past couple of days, you could forgive me for blowing off some steam. It all started Saturday afternoon. After Sab and I got back from our enjoyable mountain bike ride, the manager of our guest house pulled us over to say that the tour bus company that was going to drive us to the Thai-Laos border had come to pick us up. We found this odd as they were a day early and the boss was looking at us with some suspicion that it was our fault even though we had paid up till the Sunday the previous Thursday.

On our way to the cooking course we stopped by the agency that we booked our ticket to re-confirm A) that we have a seat for the Sunday bus ride and B) that the guy that booked it is a fair dinkum dickhead. Sab and I were greeted by a man who just seemed to giggle his way through the conversation like an 11 year old girl. He said that we will be fine and have a seat on the bus come Sunday but Sab and I were still not convinced. I released my anger that night by cooking five wicked Thai dishes.

Come Sunday we were packed and ready to go. Our moronic travel agency man said that the trip from Chiang Mai to the border crossing at Chiang Kong would take three hours. "Perfect" I thought. "We can get there about three thirty - fourish and catch the afternoon boat to Luang Prabang." How stoopid was I.

Not only did the trip take nearly five hours but our driver deliberately took a wrong turn in order for us to miss the boat. The reason? When the bus finally rolled into Chiang Kong nearly two hours past the time we were supposed to arrive, the boats to Laos had finished for the day. He stopped in front of a guesthouse where we coincidentally stay the night and organise tickets for tea boat next day. He arrived late on the chance that we would have no choice but to stay at this hotel the night and he would get his little commission. It's tactics like this that would cause such an uproar in Western countries but it's accepted practice over here. I mean what can we do?

There was a young English couple traveling with us so we decided to try and find our way over the river to Laos. We walked up the road to the boat ramp where the driver should have dropped us off in the first place. When you pay for a service you expect something or someone at the receiving end to point you in the right direction. The customs office at the pier was closed and locked up so we had to walk further down the road to another boat pier whereby we finally made our way onto a dinky wooden boat and made our way across the river into the town of Huay Xai.

This little Loatian one horse town would have to be a place of rest as not only did we miss the last boat of the day but the roads to our destination Luang Prabang had been damaged by severe rain. Now whether this is true or not true is questionable but it's these situations you find yourself in reguarly in this part of the world. After finding a room Sab and I got some dinner and finally I got to try the biggest urban legend around... BeerLao and with my years of beverage consumption experience in Asia it is by far and away the best beer in Asia. It has a very fresh taste and leaves you wanting for more. Sab polished off a 640 ml bottle on her own and that is something very rare indeed believe me.

Sab and I bit the bullet and paid 33 Yankee Dollars for a 6 hour speedboat ride the next morning. We thought that we would have time to relax, read, listen to the iPod and get there in a third of the time compared to the next best and only other option.

Check out this video to see what we got ourselves into today for 6 hours. Click on the link


Not only was this boat designed for three people (there were six to start off with and we picked up another passenger along the way) but when you are going at roughly 40-50 kilometers an hour, water hits you pretty hard. My toes were stuck underneath the seat in front of me and I was worried I would get some sort of deep vain thrombosis so I tried to wiggle my foot but to no avail. They were jammed big time. My back was jammed into the board behind me and the room we had made flying on Jetstar seem like flying in a stretch limo. I was in so much pain that after nearly three hours we finally got a chance to stretch.

Six hours on the Nam Tha River with legroom Karen Carpenter would find unbearable made me a very unhappy man. I wanted to tell the driver, Laos and Asia to go and get f#cked but I can't because we are in the town of Luang Prabang and it's amazing. It is so peaceful and laid back here. There are fresh baguettes here and the arts and craft continue to make me wish I had a house to decorate back home. Tomorrow Sab and I are taking a rest and going to recharge the batteries for our upcoming adventure on Wednesday..White water rafting and kyacking.

Asia...You better not do this to me again but I know you will...because stupid is as stupid does.

Super Saturday...Thai Style

Yes i made this tonight all by myself!

Hello everyone once again for my final update from Chiang Mai.

Super Saturday here saw myself and the delightful Sabrina partake in two very different activities. Mountain Bike Riding and Thai Cooking.

This morning we made our way out from our excuse of a hotel and made our way 1600 meters above Chiang Mai. Now i haven't been one to really push myself on the bike over the years. The closest i've come to 'extreme' riding is coming back from the supermarket with six plastic bags on my handlebars.

Our ride was downhill all the way and on sealed roads. It was an excuse to let go of the brakes and speed down a mountain at 40 kmh. I haven't actually ridden a bike for over 2 years (not counting the gym) so getting back on that horse was a bit tricky, especially with all the padding that went with the territory. I looked like i was about to take part in the NFL rather than take a nice leisurely ride down a hill. The yellow sunglasses were cool though. Well i thought they were...i kept them.

Look out Chiang Mai...Here come Captain Spazmo!

The ride was fantastic and it also included a visit to my favourite place in the world...another temple. It was mothers day here today so the temple was crowded and rather than go inside i just walked around the outside watching the people. Thailand has such a magical feel to the place that no other country can ever achieve. The ride continued downhill and into the city. Sab was having a bit of trouble with her seat and she took a more cautious approach to the ride where as i just wanted to go faster...it's the boy racer in me!

By the time we got back to the bike office, we were all covered in sweat and looking forward to sitting on something wider than a bike seat. After a quick shower and change of clothes it was time to visit the "Cook Smart Cooking School."

Now last update i mentioned that i wasn't too crash hot on cooking and here is an example why. One evening a few years ago, the family was having dinner. My brothers girlfriend (now fiance) Narelle was over as well. I was given the easy task of making a salad. I couldn't do it. Not only did i forget half the ingredients of a salad but also tried to 'marinade' the lettuce in pineapple juice..true story. As a result of this when Chris and Narelle were holidaying ni the north of Australia one year, they actually made a video of how to prepare a salad especially for me. Now when people say they can't cook...i can say i really can't f#cking cook!

But after tonights course i really want to (and in all seriousness have to) expand my cooking capabilities. Our night got off to a shaky start when out guide to the local market was a ladyboy called "Wawa." She/He explained to us (Me, Sab and two Irish ladies) the ins and outs of rice, chillis and Thai vegetables...exciting stuff for all. Oh why oh why do all Asian markets smell like crap?

Looks good, Smells really bad.

The night improved when we started cooking. We had to cut all the veges and i was very nervous as we had to use a very big knife and i'm not very good with instuments that can casue harm. So after preparing our food we made 5 pretty easy to make dishes but the one that stood out like Dolly Parton were the spring rolls. They were the best springers i've ever tasted in my life. They were so light and the inside had only vegetables and they weren't soaked with oil like springers in Oz or China but lightly fried just to seal the freshness in.

After a bottle of beer i loosened up a bit in the kitchen and really enjoyed cooking these dishes. At the end of the night we receievd a cookbook with 20 recipies and plenty of photos to remember the night which you can see at chiangmaismartcook.com (look in the August 2006 section. 12th August).

All in all Super Saturday was fantastic. In fact our time in Chiang Mai has been sensational. With our previous visits to Thailand concerntrating on Koh Samui and Bangkok i felt that we were not seeing the full picture of this great country. After a week here and various courses and activities i feel that my eyes have opened up a lot more. I knew that Thailand was a great country but after being up north it's officially a brilliant country.

Remember that we were going to stay in Chiang Mai for four days...we ended up staying seven.

So tomorrow we make our way to Laos and another set of adventures there.

Hopefully access to the internet isn't too bad and i can keep you all updated from there.

Take care everyone and love to all.

What's on my mind on a Friday?

How about strolling through the night market? (The above photo is from one of the many stalls)

Or floating on a bamboo raft...

Or riding an elephant...

Or visiting a hilltop tribe...

Actually today we did all these four things but before i get into the details let's back track to yesterday and all the exciting things Sab and I did in Chiang Mai.

We did nothing!

I spent yesterday watching Christopher Reeve wear the blue tights twice. During the week i picked up the original Superman Movie and Superman II. It was fantatic and slightly sad to see Christopher Reeve at his peak wear the Man of Steel suit with such ease. Throughout the day i also read Geroge Orwell's classic novella, 'Animal Farm.' I have been reading a few classic books recently and Sab and i purchased two of his otherbooks to read. Sabs currently on '1984' while i'm about to start 'Down and Out in Paris and London." After i finish reading that i'll be making my way over to F. Scott Fitzgerald's seminal work 'The Great Gatsby.'

Then again i'm currently in the middle of the third book in the Jeremy Clarkson series. For anyone outside of the United Kingdom he is the host of the coolest car show in the world 'Top Gear' and basically has written a few books that seem to only have two topics. They are "I really like this" and "I really hate that."

Last night Sab and I made our way down to the 'Irish Pub' which defended it's Irishness by having a couple Guiness posters on the wall and an old wooden floor. It seems that anyone can open an Irish pub if they manage to get a hold of a signed Gaelic football jumperand hammer it to the wall and a couple of pirated U2 live albums even if it means you are being served by someone called 'Nam.'

We were there to participate in the Quiz Night which turned out to be presented by the most boring American i have had the displeasure to be in the same room with. Now if my dear friend Kate (who is from Boston by the way everyone) is reading this i mean no offense to your per-se but this bloke had as much personality as i do one night stands...none.

A Quiz Night should be hosted by someone who makes you feel happy to be there. The best example is the Quiz Night guy at Dickens Bar in Hong Kong. He has a laugh at the crowd and generally keeps the mood light and entertaining. This Seppo bloke might as well have been hosting it in the City Morgue. Well Sab and I didn't fare to well in this quiz and we were tied for second last though i did manage to guess that William Shakespeare was 52 years old when he died. The again i didn't need to guess when i knew that Meatloaf was the bus driver in the movie "Spiceworld."

Fast forward to this morning and I was trekking in the middle of a jungle to see a hilltop tribe. Now these tribes are native to the area and treat visitors with warmth and humility which explains why i could have a few cracks at a fruit with the aid of a homemade crossbow. After slugging it out for 40 minutes in very humid conditions the group of 6 we were in made it to the village and before we knew it we were making our way 40 minutes back to our van. During that time my t-shirt turned into a skin tight Ian Thorpe swim suit.

After a short drive we made our way to another village which seemed to be exactly the same as the one we just came from. Our guide told us they speak a different language but being a slightly ignorant traveller, i couldn't tell the difference. Back in the van we went and we were on our way to a waterfall where we could "swim." Well according to that theory the only humans that can swim at this waterfall were 5 month old babies still in thier mummies tummies. The waterfall itself was lovely and i managed to go for a little climb up the rocks to behind the waterfall. I also managed to fall on my ass and graze my arm. Here I was getting all excited to swim at a waterfall (i love waterfalls) and the deepest i could get was halfway up my shin. Wow...lucky i didn't pack the Floaties!

After a lunch that consisted of rice, slightly questionable chicken and pineapple, the group was on its way to the elephant trek. Sab and i spent an hour on the elephant and all the elephant wanted to do was eat and shit. Our guide told us to bring nothing except our cameras so when it came time to pay money for some bananas to feed the elephants, Sab and I were the only ones not to buy any for our hard working beast. We felt like a couple of idiots. Add to the fact that our elephants baby elephant was following us and raising its trunk against our legs for bananas, we felt really really guilty for some reason. I'm sure these elephants eat 1.5 million bananas a day anyway.

At the end of the trek Sab and I quickly bought a bag of nana's and fed them to our elephants so there was some vindication there. Which leads us to our final adventure of the day...bamboo rafting. I was given the task of steering the back of the craft in the manner of a gondola rider from Venice. Not only did i manage to fall off twice but my stick got jammed between two rocks in the middle of the river and i couldn't get it out! The craft was rudderless and going down the river. Later on the guide at the front of the boat knocked another stick from the side of the river so i jumped in, quickly swam against the rapids and latched on to my new steering stick. It made no difference as i found out a i just couldn't get the grasp of this steering thing.

Still it was a fun ride and after an hours trip back into town, a nice hot shower and Indian dinner here i am about to tell you that tomorrow we are going to do some mountain bike riding and an evening cooking course. I'm not really into cooking but Sab was keen to do one. Chiang Mai has been great and we leave for Laos on sunday. I'm sure i'll be able to do one last update from Chiang Mai before we leave.

Enjoy your weekend everyone.

Name that Wrestler!

To anyone out there who has no interest in professional wrestling you can stop reading now.

Yesterday i told you about my brothers love for professional wrestling.

He has just contacted me to say that the wrestler in the picture on the receiving end of Bret 'The Hitman' Hart's Sharpshooter is none other than the "Heartbreak Kid" hinmself Shawn Michaels.

Thanks Bro.

"Son...you've just completed Basic Training"

Now i'm certified.

Sure most of you would have thought i would have been certified insane first but after three days i'm now qualified to undertake in "Basic Thai Nerve Touch Massage."

On this news i don't expect the FTSE 500 to plunge or the United Nations to call an emergency General Assembly meeting but i suspect that there may be a few people out there who would want to take advantage of my newly aquired skills. So far my parents and my grandmother have signed up to be my first experim..sorry i meant 'customers.'

Today Sab and the other guy (who is Belgian) had their 'test' whereby they gave our instructor an entire massage. It was a pretty easy day actually. At one point i was getting massaged by two people and thought 'how good is this.' Then again it would have been better if i was getting massaged by Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kiera Knightley...ahh the chance to dream.

Our teacher was actually quite pleasent today and we were joined in the class by a lanky Italian whose job back home was to book models for companies. It was interesting hearing about life in Milan (sorry...Milano) when your leg is facing an angle that should only be seen in the most horrific of car accidents.

Last night Sab and I checked out the Chiang Mai Night Bazzar and honestly, this was the nicest market i have been to in Asia. There was so much stuff i wanted to by. I kept saying to Sab "If only i had money and a house to put this is" but that's the point of travelling. You find places and things you like and you come back to them later and i have to come back to Chiang Mai. It's such a wonderful city and the pace is a lot more relaxed than down south.

So if you want a nice back and shoulder massage...go see a normal massuse.

If you want to feel sore for five days afterwards then come see me.

I mean all this massage stuff should entice the ladies out there right?.....right?.....anyone?

Can you spot the difference? ...Neither can I

The top picture shows professional wrestling icon "Bret 'The Hitman' Hart" displaying his signature move 'The Sharpshooter' on some poor chappy. I don't know who the other guy is but if my brother is looking at this update I'm sure he could tell me who is on the receiving end of it just by the design of the other guys tights. Chris loves wrestling.

I myself am prone to the odd glimpse of 'Sports Entertainment' but nothing to the level of my brother yet judging by the second picture you could swear that I was trying out for a guest appearance to the sequel of Jack Black's film 'Nacho Libre.' As you can see the massage course we are undertaking is pretty heavy duty in some areas but overall today was a lot better than yesterday.

Our teacher Vinegar Tits became a vinegarette tits of sorts as her blustering personality was scaled back to the same level as a hurricane force 3. Not only did we learn all 60 moves today but the three students were really getting into the final details. When our teacher said yesterday "its more important to find the right places and pressure to touch" I thought she was bonkers. Then again I was trying not to shit myself in the process yet today I really concerntrated on trying to find the right tendons and muscles to touch. Whilst massaging Sab she was laughing at me because of the serious look on my face and being such dear friends, I did exactly the same to her.

So tonight as the rain falls down here i may have another massage and we will make our way to see the Chiang Mai night bazzar in the centre of town. Tomorrow is our final day where we practice some more and learn about the importance of herbs when massaging Thai style.

Should be fun.

When Essential Oils and Barry White just won't do.

Welcome to Chiang Mai. Cultural Epicentre of Thailand.

I'm sore.

No i take that back...i'm really f#cking sore!

Just under an hour ago Sab and I competed the first day of our three day Thai massage course. We have both looked forward to this for a while now and we walked into the massage shop with a little smile on our faces and a little nervousness in our stomachs. That was quickly replaced by fear and sweat as our teacher had a mullet that would have made anyone from the 1989 Hawthorn Premiership team green with envy and a tounge that reminded me of "Vinegar Tits" from 'Prisoner.'

As soon as 9am hit we (as in me, Sab and another guy from Belgium) were observing the work of Vinegar Tits and having no idea what she was doing. There are 60 moves that we have to learn and this morning she went through the first third. Before i knew it my legs were facing directions i didn't think were possible unless you are like Sting and have done Yoga for the past 300 years. Next thing i know its my turn and i couldn't get anything right. If my hand was up "Down..DOWN!" our instructor would say. I was shaking as i was not only thinking how to do it properly but also thinking how much pressure do i put on with this move and... "Mark...MARK..Hand Lower...Thumbs Up..Press but don't pinch!"

As the morning rolled on the atmosphere in the room became slightly more relaxed but this was counter balanced by the rise in my body temperature by 10 degrees. I had no idea how much effort you have to put in to make someone feel relaxed. Right now my knees and lower back are in need of a massage of their own. Sab and i were giggling to each other out of nervousness and the Belgian guy was feeling the heat as well. After lunch it seemed that the whole atmosphere had changed and Vinegar Tits was a lot more relaxed and we could actually understand what she was saying.

Still the actual massaging part was a nightmare as i had the pleasure of massaging Sab and vice versa. Another wall has been broken between us and in order to keep up our massaging techniques we will now have to practice on each other but the only difference is that there will be no essential oils or Barry White in the background.

Culture Diving courses now available...

Kickboxing on Thursday night. Teddy on the bridge on the River Kwai and myself with a killing machine at the Tiger Temple(both Friday).

Since Thursday night Sab and I have gone deep diving into the Thai culture. On our various other trips to Thailand, Bangkok has been a transit stop between Hong Kong and Koh Samui. Seen that this was going to be the last time that either of us will travel here (but you never know) we thought we would see a few things that we didn't get around to last time either because we were tired or hungover.

Yesterday we traveled to the Bridge on the River Kwai. Now I enjoy reading about war and history. I have picked up these traits from my father along with a passion for sport and slightly blue humor (thanks to the BBC and the 'Carry On' for the last one). So I was really excited to see this piece of history that has a major influence on the Second World War. We were up just after 6 and at 7 were sleep walking into our van that had a capacity of 15.

On the bus there were Sab, myself and 13 Asians.

Now before you all raise the flag and say "hey that's a bit much there with that Asian call" you have to understand that Asians in general have an amazing capacity to fall asleep the second a vehicle starts moving. Not only do they sleep but they almost waltz around the cabin with a deft ablilty to suddenly straighten up (but continue sleeping) when their head comes into contact with any other person.]

This was our life for two hours yesterday. Not only were the other passengers waltzing away but our driver was having a serious crack at knocking Michael the Shoemaker off his perch at Ferrari. Add ot the fact it was raining and not all the speedos work in cars over here, i have no idea how fast we were going. If i had to guess i wouldn't be far off if i said we were travelling at Mach 1.7.

On our way to the bridge we stopped by the major war cemetary honouring mainly Australian and British soldiers who died on the railway. It was a very humbling experience to read the tombstones of the soldiers and see that even boys as young as 20 were being treated like dogs in this god awful environment. The cemetary was beautiful but the one tihng that runied it was an Asian family taking a group picture doing the stupid 'V' thing with their hands. To me it showed no respect for the men who are buried there.

By the time we reached the War Museum the sence of occasion was coming over me so i headed straight to the illegal DVD seller and purchased a copy of the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert to get me back on track. The adjoining War Museum looked more like my uncles old garage with a few more pictures hung up. It was musty and had old Jeeps and an old train cart showing how the prisinors were kept locked up during their time there. You really got the feeling that the Japanese were bastards and with the theory that "for every sleeper on the railway one person died" you can understand why it's called the "Death Railway."

The bridge itself is still in remarkable condition and is still used by the Thai Railways. Walking along it was a bit tricky as there was only a single track and people everywhere taking pictures and trying to remember why this bridge is so important. Walking along the bridge I really wished that i could have had my dad there with me as he would have loved to have been here.

After the bridge we went back into the van and blasted our way down to a floating restaurant out of town. Now the lunch was "buffet" style but this so called "buffet" considered on steamed rice and the choice of chicken with one freaky vegetable or chicken with an even more freaky vegetable. Sab and i felt that heartburn we gained in Myanmar come back for an encore as we had no other choice but to eat this food.

Afterwards we were ferried to a waterfall to have a bit of a play around but with the rain coming back it wasn't the best idea.

So i jumped in anyway. For a while no one else jumped in and i thought "umm is anyone going to join me?" Sab was out as she gained a cold in Singapore and the other western tourists seemed not to want to join me. I thought bugger it and swam around like a million dollar mermaid and had a bit of the climb up the rocks to the waterfall itself. It was amazing to be standing under these falls and letting the water flow all over you. I really really liked that.

Once again we were back on the bus and this time we had some westerners which made the trip less boring but we were on our way to the 'Tiger Temple' whereby Sab's smile couldn't be hidden. This was her highlight of the day where as mine was the Bridge. Sab loves tigers and even carries a little white one around with her called Kimba (it's her version of Teddy Richards) so to be up close and personal with these beasts of the jungle was going to be memorable.

I was taken by the hand by a large Thai guy and asked to sit behind the tiger and pat it. Now besides the whole taking me by the hand thing which took me by surprise but understandable as i would have skipped with him if it not meant getting eaten alive, I had to sit down and start stroking these beasts. Their fur was so smooth and you culd feel thier bones and muscles underneat, it felt wrong but right at the same time. Before we knew it i was ferried around the other tigers for more photos and two minutes after it started was finished.

We walked around hte grounds and saw peacocks, cows, pigs and horses just roaming free and easy and not disturbing the visitors at all. By the time we finished we were all pretty stuffed so we hopped on a train and then back into the van for another two hour busride back to Bangers. After we reached Kho Sahn Road we had some dinner and quickly checked our emails to see if Fiona (another teacher from Tin Shui Wai) had made it into town and quite possibly catch up. We had no luck with our emails but as we were walking back we ran into her which was fantastic. She had been on holidays with her sister and was going back to Honkers the next morning so we didn't really have a chance to sit down and chat as the three of us were stuffed. Hopefully we will catch up with her in Honkers.

Thursday night saw Elsee and Reg (the names we have given ourselves as we go to bed these days at the same time as grandparents) shuffle their way down to the Ratchadamoen Stadium fro some traditional Muay Thai Kickboxing. Now this arena is the "Madison Square Garden of Kickboxing: so we just had to go and see it. Sure it wasn't the Christmas Night 2004 Spectacle of Kickboxing we saw previously but there is something strange at the sight of teenage boys kicking each others heads in with the half capacity crowd hooting and cheering for more.

Sab and i watched it from the cheap seats which cost 1000 Baht which was a ripoff and a complete sham if you are a westerner as if you are a local you probably paid 300 or 400 baht for the same thing. Besides the high prices we watched the matches from behind a wire fence which immediatley took me back to the spectacle of "Mad Max 3 - Beyond Thunderdome." I was close to screaming "two men enter one man leaves" but i didn't decide to go through with it. After four fights and what seemed like an eternity our stomachs got the better of us and he headed back to the hotel where we ended up on our beds eating take-away and watching "Flashdance" on our DVD player.

Later today we areoff to Chiang Mai where the both of us are really looking forward to doing a 3 day Thai Massage course...as long as we don't have to massage each other because that would be gross.

On the lighter side of life...

It seems i have found a blast from my Thai past.

Hello once again from Bangkok or known by its other name as the "City of Angels."

Sab and i are not cool. Sorry to dissapoint you all but we aren't. How did we come across this revelation? Well from our hotel to get to Kho Sahn Road we have to go through the 'United Travellers Connection' which contains uber-cool Europeans with dark brown skin (mostly Israeli's). As we walk through it we feel as Sab put it "like the nerdy kids walking past the cool group." Now Sab and I are a couple of happy-go-lucky little Vegemites who have no interest in getting our hairbraided, going on treks, taking recreational drugs or hanging out with people of the same race. It's like being in Grade 6 all over again. You know the feeling (unless you were one of the cool kids then you would never know what it's like) of "Hey i'm an alright sort of a person but what do they have that i don't?" The answer - A better exchange rate and culture coming out of every pore of their sun drenched skin. So while they talk about something they got for 2 pounds, Sab and i with our Hong Kong Dollar would have to pay the equivalent of 10 pounds for the same thing.

So the United Travellers Connection is a hotbed of European action where as Sab and I know how to kick it by staying in our room and watching an illegal copy of "The Break Up" on our little portable DVD player. Who's cool now you Eurotrash snobs?!

Last night as i was cleaning out my backpack i came across a little notepad from Tropical Murphy's on Koh Samui. In it there are a number of jokes that myself, Sabrina and Candace made up over various beverages last Easter. In a former Tin Shui Wai Update i mentioned a few of these. Since there is nothing new to update for you today here is the complete list of the silly European jokes we made up. Most of these are taking the mickey out of the Swedes. Any Sweden lovers avert your eyes now...

Though we do to have a small crack at the French so that makes up for it.


Here they are:

- What is the favourite song of a Swedish Elvis fan? Blue Swede Shoes

- What do you get when you cross the Beatles with a Swedish Car? A Saab Days Night

- What do you call a Swede who has found Christ? A Born a Sven Christian

- What do you get when you cross a Swede with the Flintstones? Abba Dabba Doo!!

- What do Swedes call a flash of inspiration? A good Ikea.

- What do you get when you cross a Swede with a Chinese? Sweden Sour.

- Whats a Swedish Guns and Roses fans favourite song? Swede Child O' Mine.

- What did the Swedish mum say to her child at the supermarket? Don't forget to take the Stockholm.

- What did the Dutch guy say to his girlfriend as they were making out? I'm all Hans.

- What did the Russian man say to his wife afer she laughed at him for falling over? You wipe that Smirnoff your face.

- What did the French Kid say after he fell over? ' Mama Eiffel! '

- What did the frenchman say to the check out chick when she was bagging his food? Baguette!

- What did the Finn say when he locked himself out of the house? 'I have Nokia.'

- What did the Danish lady say to the guy trying to steal her bag? 'Lego!'

and finally:

- What did the Finn say when he couldn't eaet anymore? "I'm Finnish.'

As a member of the free press...

Yes thats me and yes i am now a distinguished representative of the worlds press. I got one just for laughs or in the insane attempt to gain access as part of the media scrum to major sporting events around the world.

Welcome to Bangkok where a fake press pass,student card or university degree is only 15 minutes away. We are back at our favourite stomping ground Kho San Road which is the epicentre for backpackers who are making their own journeys around South East Asia. We arrived late last night as our plane was delayed from Manila but rest assured Sab and I found a bed at our local hotel we stay at here. Our room is across from the room we stayed at the first time in Bangkok in 2004.

For anyone who doesn't know Room 415 holds plenty of memories for Sab and I. It was the room where our former work colleauge Mel who travelled with us to Samui got some action with a Pommy backpacker on New Years Eve and decided to tell Sab the whole story about it the next morning. It happened on the bed that Sab had to share with Mel..gross.

Anyway Bangkok is still the same. Its big, dirty,charming and full of energy. We checked in last night and this morning organised a tour to the Bridge on the River Kwai and also our visa to Laos. We are also going to see some Thai Kickboxing at Bangkok's version of Madison Square Garden tomorrow night.

Besides organising we did a little shopping. I purchased a couple pairs of long board shorts and some DVD movies to carry us over on our trip to watch. So tonight we are just going to take it easy and watch another movie in our room. We are over temples and we have been here before so there isn't anything new to see here.

So that's about it and as all journalists say ...

"This is Mark Pepper in Bangkok reporting for 'Peps Place.'"

Hehe..i like the sound of that.