When Essential Oils and Barry White just won't do.

Welcome to Chiang Mai. Cultural Epicentre of Thailand.

I'm sore.

No i take that back...i'm really f#cking sore!

Just under an hour ago Sab and I competed the first day of our three day Thai massage course. We have both looked forward to this for a while now and we walked into the massage shop with a little smile on our faces and a little nervousness in our stomachs. That was quickly replaced by fear and sweat as our teacher had a mullet that would have made anyone from the 1989 Hawthorn Premiership team green with envy and a tounge that reminded me of "Vinegar Tits" from 'Prisoner.'

As soon as 9am hit we (as in me, Sab and another guy from Belgium) were observing the work of Vinegar Tits and having no idea what she was doing. There are 60 moves that we have to learn and this morning she went through the first third. Before i knew it my legs were facing directions i didn't think were possible unless you are like Sting and have done Yoga for the past 300 years. Next thing i know its my turn and i couldn't get anything right. If my hand was up "Down..DOWN!" our instructor would say. I was shaking as i was not only thinking how to do it properly but also thinking how much pressure do i put on with this move and... "Mark...MARK..Hand Lower...Thumbs Up..Press but don't pinch!"

As the morning rolled on the atmosphere in the room became slightly more relaxed but this was counter balanced by the rise in my body temperature by 10 degrees. I had no idea how much effort you have to put in to make someone feel relaxed. Right now my knees and lower back are in need of a massage of their own. Sab and i were giggling to each other out of nervousness and the Belgian guy was feeling the heat as well. After lunch it seemed that the whole atmosphere had changed and Vinegar Tits was a lot more relaxed and we could actually understand what she was saying.

Still the actual massaging part was a nightmare as i had the pleasure of massaging Sab and vice versa. Another wall has been broken between us and in order to keep up our massaging techniques we will now have to practice on each other but the only difference is that there will be no essential oils or Barry White in the background.