"Lately I'm a desperate believer
But I'm walking in a straight line"
As sung by Silverchair
I'm one fucking stubborn bastard.
That got your attention didn't it?
But why the naughty words this time around? Because well like the lyrics at the top of the page i am a desperate beleiver and i'll tell you why. Now before i get into this i just want to say that what you read is not criticism of anyone except myself.
I'll probaby get lynched for writing this.
Two nights ago i was talking to Martine and matter of factly she said she met a guy on the weekend. Well i have to say now that i am happy for her and i wish nothing but the absolute highest amount of happiness in her life as i wish for all who reads this. It took me by surprise in a way and in a way it shouldn't have. Let's look at the facts people it was 2005 when it finished and i didn't get it through my head for a long time afterwards that what i thought could happen wouldn't happen. I've said this to people close to me...my biggest weakness / character flaw is hope.
I try and look at the positive of everything even when reality tells me otherwise. With Mart i was so cut up about how things eventuated but the fact is life moves on. I still consider her a very important person to me even though there are days where i feel i want to just cut all ties with her because of how things panned out but that's the weaker option and it's just not who i am. Did i feel angry at her at anytime? Yes there were times in my mind i would ask "Why this" or "Why that" but i was more angry in myself because as i have said before i self analyse to the point of depression events that i have no control over.
And while to most readers it seem all i talk about is her (much like Jon Favreau in "Swingers") i have to admit that well i'm over it. I'm over this whole shitstorm that has been going on in myself because i'm too stubborn to accept reality but i have and i'm finding direction again. Everyone has their journey in life to accomplish and we all have our own dreams in life and whilst my dreams have conflicted with my own personal direction, i realise it's a learning experience that i had to go through. What matters is happiness inside and moving on in life cause for a while..i was stuck in the mud of my own critical assesment of who i am.
As i said i still consider Mart to be a truely beautiful person who i look forward to many years of friendship in the future. I still know in myself i'll always look for the positive in everyhing and i know that my life is starting to find it's purpose again as if it's waking up from a coma and looking for a personality overhaul. You know when you get to a point and you just say to yourself "why you so down when you have so much to give?" That was me today.
For a long time i didn't stop to look at the world around me and take in how lucky i am.
But I'm walking in a straight line"
As sung by Silverchair
I'm one fucking stubborn bastard.
That got your attention didn't it?
But why the naughty words this time around? Because well like the lyrics at the top of the page i am a desperate beleiver and i'll tell you why. Now before i get into this i just want to say that what you read is not criticism of anyone except myself.
I'll probaby get lynched for writing this.
Two nights ago i was talking to Martine and matter of factly she said she met a guy on the weekend. Well i have to say now that i am happy for her and i wish nothing but the absolute highest amount of happiness in her life as i wish for all who reads this. It took me by surprise in a way and in a way it shouldn't have. Let's look at the facts people it was 2005 when it finished and i didn't get it through my head for a long time afterwards that what i thought could happen wouldn't happen. I've said this to people close to me...my biggest weakness / character flaw is hope.
I try and look at the positive of everything even when reality tells me otherwise. With Mart i was so cut up about how things eventuated but the fact is life moves on. I still consider her a very important person to me even though there are days where i feel i want to just cut all ties with her because of how things panned out but that's the weaker option and it's just not who i am. Did i feel angry at her at anytime? Yes there were times in my mind i would ask "Why this" or "Why that" but i was more angry in myself because as i have said before i self analyse to the point of depression events that i have no control over.
And while to most readers it seem all i talk about is her (much like Jon Favreau in "Swingers") i have to admit that well i'm over it. I'm over this whole shitstorm that has been going on in myself because i'm too stubborn to accept reality but i have and i'm finding direction again. Everyone has their journey in life to accomplish and we all have our own dreams in life and whilst my dreams have conflicted with my own personal direction, i realise it's a learning experience that i had to go through. What matters is happiness inside and moving on in life cause for a while..i was stuck in the mud of my own critical assesment of who i am.
As i said i still consider Mart to be a truely beautiful person who i look forward to many years of friendship in the future. I still know in myself i'll always look for the positive in everyhing and i know that my life is starting to find it's purpose again as if it's waking up from a coma and looking for a personality overhaul. You know when you get to a point and you just say to yourself "why you so down when you have so much to give?" That was me today.
For a long time i didn't stop to look at the world around me and take in how lucky i am.
1 comment:
I'm glad she told you babe. It is obviously for the best and it will lead you to your true destiny. I know how corny it sounds but you really have to believe that it all happens for a reason and leads you to where you are meant to be and who you are truly meant to be with. I think that, that time of your life was the best you had because of other external circumstances such as your confidence, fitness and enjoyment of life and travel at that time. You will associate her with that time in your life which is why it was so hard for you to let go couple with the fact that she was your first girlfriend.
You really just have to suck it up now and be open to moving on. Go to Bobby Magees after work on Friday night and pick up some sexy lawyer chick in a business suit and shoulder pads who can take you back to her condo on collins st and keep you in the lap of luxury in return for access to your hot bod!!
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