Knowing yourself.

My babies..who are now 11 and 10. Man they grow up so fast!

Today i was thinking about just how my life has panned out since i got back and i must say it has been a very positive experience being back home and it has allowed me to reflect on where i have been and where i want to go in the near future. Now when i mean reflect i don't mean my usual "analyse from every perceivable angle" but just take a few moments to realise that being back at home has been getting better by the day. I celebrated Christmas, New Year, my birthday and was able to be part of the buildup to the wonderful wedding of Chris and Narelle.

By the way these are my Aunty's kids in the pic...

I looked back some of my updates since i got back and i know i suffered from reverse culture shock but i'm way over that now. I am looking forward to travelling again but i don't have the feeling that my time will pass if i don't get out straight away. My determination to travel is still at 100% but the desperation to get out has slowly been overcome by the feeling of patience. I know what i have to do to travel again and i know where i want to go and the feelings of getting ready to organise another trip away are slowly starting to come to the surface.

I was in a book store (there's something new) and i saw the Lonely Planet Guide to Europe. As i walked past it i thought to myself "Not just yet..not just yet" where as a couple of months ago i wouldn't even have looked at which is a good thing. The feeling i'm having now is a feeling of transition. A feeling of letting go of the adventures and the life i had in Asia for 2 1/2 years but holding onto the memories and friendships. Today i found myself looking toward the future again and thinking that i have a huge mountain to climb before i get to travel again but i know in a few weeks i'll start to get ideas into place for my next adventure.

My time back home has given me that buffer between my time away and my next adventure. Just by being with my family has made me realise that home will never change and while i thought that was the worst thing that could happen when i got back, i now know it is the best feeling ever because my family and the love and admiration we have for each other will never change. Last Sunday was my Aunty Laurell's birthday party. Her actual birthday was a week before but it fell the day before the wedding so we decided to delay the party. I picked her up from Werribee (which is about 35 mins drive from home) and we had a lovely chat in the car. I'm pretty lucky in the fact that i can talk to everyone in my family and know that i have no reason not to be honest and direct without the discussion boiling over.

Throughout the time i have been back and the numerous parties we have had for a little while i felt out of place because i had the opportunity to experience such wonderful things that i didn't know how i would fit in. I'm 28 but i'm still one of the kids of the family and even though when i got back i wanted to get rid of that tag i now know i don't want to. I love sitting with my Grans and Aunties having a cup of tea and just talking about whatever comes to our heads. It was sitting at the table out the back on a sunny Sunday afternoon that i realised that any feelings of culture shock, uncomfortableness ( i know i've spelt that wrong) and confusion in myself in terms of my life were gone. I'm not back in Melbourne biding my time but slowly working towards my next goal.

Replacing those feelings were happiness to be with my family, confidence in my decisions in the near future and the knowledge that when i am ready to plan for my next adventure, i'll be doing it not to continue on from the adventure that had just finished but begin afresh with a blank canvas and once again fill it with new memories and experiences.

I'm feeling pretty good...but i'm not ready...yet.