"I feel like i'm walking in a haze"

The night started out like some nights of my helsian youth. The city was awash with a kaildescope of characters ranging from the staggering home after work drinkers to the Britpop inspired uni students trundelling away down back lanes to find their way to the new place to be. Sab and I can safely say that our uni nights weren't alcohol or chemically fuelled only to be subdued by the voltage of Hi-Watt amplifiers screaming out the latest takings from an unsigned band seeking a homegrown social revolution through its music. Indeed, i had no real sense of "uni days" which fits the usual modes of pubs, bars, clubs and the like. I just never got into it nor did i meet people at uni who did.

With that set up one of Sab's work colleagues is in a band called "The Wellingtons" so after work Friday i stayed back and had a few drinks with my work colleagues and just whittled time away till it was time to meet Sab and see her work friends band. Now Sab's in a worse position than me. She has to support her workmate where i just came along for the ride. Luckily for me i didn't have to see an open mic night for a guy who i used to work with. He was a 100 kilo white rapper hailing from the mean streets of Frankston whose partner in crime had the same physical attributes and they performed under the name "Double Barrell." Purchasing a home made burnt CD made by two fat guys from Melbournes south east with rhymes that made them sound like sooks rather than gangsters was as close as i got to supporting a workmate. Still the Ding Dong club had some people inside as we made our way to a seat and waited for the show to begin.

Even though the songs sounded really good, i actually couldn't understand any of the lyrics. My ears aren't tuned to decifer words from the rest of the band, not that the singer was bad, i just couldn't understand what they were saying. The Wellingtons played for about 45 mins and it was a pretty good set. Sab's friend was on bass and the two of us tried to fit in to a crowd where the boys dressed like Beck and the girls dressed like Annie Lennox. I heard that they are off to Japan soon and with my lack of music in Australia i was surprised they had a following in Japan at all. Supposidly they do. Still after the night finished Sab and i decided to walk down to the casino to see if anything had changed. I'm walking down Swanston Street to see girls dressed like skanks and blokes not older than 18 just looking like trouble. Something had changed in my dear Melbourne and it's not for the better. Walking along the river was nice but i just didn't feel like i belong here. the only saving grace was hearing the sounds of Bernadette on her piano accordian across the road from crown. She has been playing for years and everytime i went past her i felt a little joy in me... i still do but that was my highlight for the night. The casino looks the same but the people are different, much like the clubs inside. They have changed and a new breed of places i've never heard about has sprung up in its place.

I really don't feel like i belong here. I'm trying to re-establish myself in Melbourne. Most 27 year olds don't have to do that. I miss my freedom to explore, i don't have to in Melbourne i know where everything is. Most 27 year olds are in established jobs or relationships and i'm in neither. I'm not jealous about that or regretting any decision to come home but adjusting has been harder than i thought and i know i should be happier but i'm not.

I feel like i'm walking in a haze.