Drifting

I'm 28 years old and i'm half drunk on Jim Beam and Coke and i know by the time i finish this update i will have had a few more beers as wel because at this exact moment of my life this is all i have to offer to the world. Since my last update here my life has become segmented into "get up, work, come home" and as black and white as that sounds, it's the grown up world we live in. My outlook on life has turned from the brilliant blast of colour that it once was to what can only be described as different shades of grey. For the few that read this blog you may have wondered where have i been and why havent i updated my page for over two weeks..well quite honestly its because there is nothing to update. Quite honestly i came to despise sitting at a computer all day at work then doing nothing afterwards but come home and get online and try and relive past glories with the people i shared so many wonderful experiences with. As i sit here now i feel that the past two weeks have been the most non productive in my life.

It seems right now the only people who know what i'm truely feeling at this point in my life are Sabrina and Bruce Springsteen.

I get up in the morning and go to work each day and when i'm not at work i don't feel i have a purpose here in Melbourne. My two closest friends in the world are at different end of the Australian continent and the freinds who came into my life in the past few years are all pretty much doing their own thing. They have direction and i don't. Its weekends between days here at the moment Mark side and whilst im not going to bitch and complain i just have to get how i'm feeling off my chest. There's a feeling deep inside my soul that i have something to give, i don't know what it is or where it will take me but i just know it's there. Life isn't meant to be easy and i accept that but its a real bastard when you know something inside you is wanting to burst out but you don't know how to go about it.

So with that late last week i decieded to chane things. Tomorrow i'm off to the Melbourne Museum that has been open for about 5 years but i've never been too. I actually joined an online dating service (because i'm the most confident man in the romance world...not) and there has been one girl who i have spoken to during the week who seems to be really really nice and hopefully i'll meet her soon. Since i came to the conclusion that life is meant to be lived and not analysed i'm trying to make my home town mean something more than me than being just a transit lounge between adventures . I have my family and i have job that isn't life altering but the people there make the 5 days week i'm there the most entertaining of my week. I haven't been to the gym since the fun run because i lost the drive but that has come back in the past couple of days and i'm doing a 8km fun run on Mothers Day with my aunty for breast cancer which i'm looking forward to being part of.

Right now you are thinking "whose the girl who he has been speaking to?" Well her name is Lorraine and for the past few days i've been speaking to her most nights and enjoyed talking to her and i'm sure soon ill catch up with this person but the point of it is that i have to break out of the monotony that i have imposed on myself since i've been back home. It's all about perspective and throughout the past few years i have learned that the glass will not always been half full but that shouldn't deter my fundemental belief that my life is half full and that i have to work towards making it overflowing with positive energy, love and excitement. So here i am on a saturday night getting shitfaced with Syd as my only company and my thoughts as my only escape from a life that has no meaning attached to it. Here i am at 28 years old feeling at the moment i write this diatribe that my life should mean so much more than the meaningless existence that it feels right now. It should mean more than the rambling you have been reading since the start of this update.

All i know is since i started writing this i've had three beers and nearly half a bottle of Jack Daniels and for me thats not a good thing. Life at 11.57p.m on the 21st of April 2007 can only compared to a shitstorm of emotional confliction that no-one can have any idea of how i'm feeling with the exception of one person in Western Australia. At this point in time the world could shut down around me and i wouldn't give a shit.

I would write more but quite honestly the Mark most of you know right now is in a period of adjustment and just not comfortable with the world right now. It's not the me you know and right now i'm the me that i don't like to be but i'm getting better though.