The Promise

It may have cost $5 but it's worth so much more

I'm not adjusting well back in Australia. It's been three months and i have a job that keeps me busy during the week. The people at work are great and i've been slowly catching up with freinds. My room back at home now has some trinkets of the past two and a half years on display and the city of Melbourne is looking fantastic at this time of year. Christmas is just around the corner and so why do i feel like shit? I'm not as happy as i chould be being back at home and i've figured out the reason why...i failed myself.

How so you say?

Well because i promised myself that i wouldn't work at a call centre again EVER!! and here i am back in the environment that caused me so much distress and depression that professionally i'm back at square one. I failed myself but due to the fact that the disaster in Taiwan gave us limited options n terms of contingency i am going to do my darndest to make the time at home as positive as possible.

Last week i puchased a book called "The Promise of Bruce Springsteen" for $5 at a discount book store. I have been reading it at lunchtime at work and enjoying the sharp, unbiased critique of his career when i came across a paragraph that hit me square between the eyes. The paragraph was talking about the time between he released "Born to Run" (when he was 25) and "Darkness on the Edge of Town" (when he was 28).


The paragraph says:

Springsteen admitted that he had undergone "a big awakening" during this period, during which he "realised a lot of things about his past." Twenty-eight years old, he discovered that the running and just running some more so idealised on Born to Run was no answer. "Where were these two people going?" he finally asked himself. "I didn't know myself." From that moment on, Bruce Springsteen began to construct his own story line.

It hit me so square between the eyes i highlighted it!

That line in bold hit me square between the eyes for thats exactly how i feel!! I was in shock. I left Australia when i was 25 and loved every second away from home. I did realise many things about myself and i did have a big awakening. I was free...on the road..i was running but now i'm back home and with my 28th birthday in feb next year i feel like Bruce did nearly 30 years ago. I'm running somewhere but i don't know where. The difference from 3 years ago is that the journey was about self discovery and my ability to adapt in different condition and live outside my "comfort zone" and now that i'm back home in the "zone" i'm finding that the zest and sence of direction is unravelling because i don't know where i want to run to next.

I promised myself call centres were out, i promised myself that i would make the best of my time at home but i'm struggling because there is no purpose for me to be at home. I'm not wanting to go back to Hong Kong because i am finished with that place. The memories are beautiful but that part of my life is over.

I want control right now and all i know in my heart is that i want to run.