Rolling on a River

A man and his tubes.


Water, a godsend for some people and a burden for others. Being a Aquarian it seems that my star sign is known as "The Water Bearer" yet it seems that I find myself in deep water again. I've always enjoyed being around and in water. I don't remember learning to swim but I'm sure while I was learning to swim I managed a way to stuff that up.

Which brings me to today. Sure a couple of days ago I was saying that I will never ever do any water sports again but that's the whole reason Sab and I are in Vien Viang is to try tubing. It's a pretty simple idea. You get on a rubber tube and let the current of the water take you to where you get off. Sure it sounds simple in theory but in the Lonely Planet Guide to Southeast Asia it said basically "if you are doing it in the rainy season, take extra care otherwise you'll be stuffed." So with this in mind we made our way down to the river and parked our asses on a tube.

When i was seven i was at the beach on the tube during summer holidays. I was happily lying about on our K-Tel Smurf Breakertube when i found myself a little bit later on about 300 meters from shore. I had fallen asleep on the tube and drifted out into Port Philip Bay. I was picked up by a passing boat and given a lift back into shore. Thinking about that previous tubing experience i was a little hesitant about getting back on the tube. It's been raining for two days and it made the river current a little bit faster than usual.

The 5 hour mini bus ride from Luang Prabang to Vian Vieng snaked its way along a twisty hilly road that caused me to suffer from altitude sickness. The ride down the river was a walk in the park compared to the bus. The scenery along the river was amazing and the river was guarded by sharp jagged mountains on one side and farmland on the other. I didn't get any photos as it was a bit hard trying to whip your camera out floating down a river.

It was supposed to take about 90 minutes. It took us about 45. That's one fast moving river. Along the way there were restaurants and places where you could jump off towers into the water but i was happy enough to stay on the tube and just relax. For once the event went smoothly. No surprises..no bad luck. I was waiting for the last part of the trip as in the Lonely Planet it says "make sure you stay on the right side of the river and don't go down the left hand side as someone was killed there." Well whoever was killed must have been drunk or stoned as it was impossible to get to the left hand side of the river anyway. I floated to our getting off point and my tube reversed itself onto the bank of the river.

It was a short 10 minute walk back into town and before we knew it we were back in our room. We were wet but i actaully didn't fall in the river this time! Miracles can happen. It was a magial experience that i would be happy to undertake again.

Kyacking can go and get stuffed.

The town of Vian Vieng is a sleepy little place where it seems that every restaurant is obessed about playing as many episodes of "Friends" back to back as posible. The only respite you have from Ross and Rachel was at one other restaurant whereby you could be marinaded by the humour of Homer and Bart. The plus side to this is that these restaurants have tables where you can put your feet up and lie down whilst watching "Friends." Sure 4 episodes fly past before you have time to blink but that's the charm of this sleepy hollow. Even if it rained for all the time we stayed there and this rain interrupted our plans for mountain biking it didn't matter, there was always Chandler and Monica to keep you occupied. They were there for me.

By the way Sab and I keep running into the guy who i found lived up the end of my street. Everywhere we look he is there. He was in the local internet cafe with his last set of dry clothes as the laundry lady was late in returning his clothes and he had to catch a bus i the morning. I said he could take my umbrella and i'm sure i'll see him futher down the road. I better...that umbrella was a 7-11 special.

This commercial really scared me in 1986.

When i was 6 years old i first saw this commercial and i've been scared of it ever since.

It's been 20 years since i last saw it and i was afraid to watch it.

About 30 mins ago i was just surfing the web and thought i would try my luck and see if this ad for flavoured milk was online. Sab and i were talking about nightmares we had as a kid last night and this was my biggest one by far.

Something about this ad disagreed with me when i was a young pup. It was all that lightning and crappy music i guess. The scence in the kitchen with the family terrified me as i thought something like that would happen to my mummy and daddy and big brother. I had nightmares for about a year after this commercial.

Looking back i don't know why..maybe i was just a little sissy.

Oh Mother Nature you saucy vixen!

Heaven on Earth

The most beautiful waterfall in the world i have ever seen.

That's the only way to describe the Kuang Si Waterfalls 45 minutes outside of Luang Prabang. This place was spectacular and as you can see an oasis of clear water surrounded by lush greenery. Sab and i went to the falls today and we were both blown away at the beauty of this place. There is a larger waterfall which is about 25 meters high further up ( Teddy Richards got a photo at that waterfall) but i thought i would post this one because it's the best picture i took today that displays how magical this place is.

After a very bumpy ride out of town and to the falls, we made our way into the water and yes you can actually swim here! After yesterdays kyacking disaster it was a relief to be swimming under your own power in this piece of paradise. Sab and i stayed in the chilly waters for a while and i didn't want to get out.

As much as i enjoyed diving 8 meters into the water at the Nha Trang Waterfall in Vietnam, the Kuang Si waterfall is by far the most beautiful place i have ever had the pleasure to swim at...yep it even beats swimming in the outdoor pool at the East Keilor Leisure Centre in autumn...man now that was a cold pool.

This swimming hole was just plain cool.

The River was Wild (well in parts it was)

First- a little disclaimer.

I'm not nautical.

Kyacking has never got me excited in the pants department. The concept of navigating a raft on water to me is beyond my physical and mental capabilities. As much as I love swimming in water, I know I don't have the ability to navigate on it.

I'm just a goose when it comes to these things.

So what did Luang Prabang serve up for me today?

Sab and I decided to try our luck at white water rafting. In the years that could be called my "childhood" which basically was between 1979 and 2004 I sometimes came across a scene in a movie where a group of people would ride over fast breaking rapids without falling into the fast current beneath them. After my bamboo rafting efforts of a few days ago (you can read about that here on the blog) I returned to my first love, navigating crafts on water.

On our 2 hour drive out of town, the eight lucky people on our tour group were told that they had the choice between kyacking and white water rafting. Sab and I wanted to do the rafting and skip the kyacking but more on that later. During the drive through the beautiful countryside the local kids would wave to us and with big smiles planted on their faces as well. They are such beautiful kids and they are so happy with their lives even if it means running around your little village with no pants on all day.

Then all of a sudden we had to stop. Our guides were told by a man walking up the road that they were about to explode a bomb. Seriously..this bomb was dropped in the "American War." I love how its called the 'American War.' Indochina has had so many wars here throughout its history that its amazing to me they have not just kept calling them 'World Wars.' If that was the case Indochina would be on about World War 23. A 30 year old armament buried next to the road was about to be detonated. I had recently finished a book about the Peace Treaty in the Vietnam War which also touched on the bombing of Laos. Naturally I was pretty excited. Would we see a massive fireball and then a great plume of smoke just like in the movies?

Nope. Instead there was a loud BANG! and the trip was allowed to continue.

Once we reached our destination Sab and I volunteered our services to kyack. Now the only instruction we received was if you fall in put one hand on your paddle and one hand on your boat. We were on our way and then all my years of water navigation kicked in. I couldn't get the thing straight and this didn't impress Sab. She's done a little bit of this stuff before where as I had zero experience. Before we knew it we had hit a rock and we tumbled into the water.

Once again in the movies when people fall in the water they somehow get back in but nope. Sab and I looked like a couple of freaks with no idea how to get back in but somehow we managed to get our asses back in the kyack. Up ahead was a small rapid that was beset by small trees on the right side. Our guides didn't tell us what to do so we tried to follow the people in front of us and we were just about to get a clear ride into the rapid section the back of our craft hit the very last tree we needed to get around. This is where all hell broke loose.

The boat capsized and the both of us were stuck under the boat. With out life jackets pulling us up to the surface we couldn't get under the boat. The kyack was jammed between two trees and we were jammed underneath. I was bobbing up and down and couldn't catch my breath. I was still holding on to the boat just like the guide said but in my head I had to let go hoping that the rapids would pull me under from the boat. So I let go and managed to end up about 5 meters further down the trees then Sab who by this time was out from under the kyack. I managed to grab a thick branch and I was trying to get back to Sab but with the current it was impossible. I was holding with everything I had just so I wouldn't get swept away again.

Sab was beside her self and the rest of the group were past the rapids and had no chance to come back to get us due to the current. We stayed with our boat holding onto these spindly trees and fast running out of energy. I thought if we just let go the rapid will take us to safety and I also thought to myself "It's not my time." Seriously folks, I was shitscared beyond recognition. The trees and rocks under the water were grazing at our skins and somehow I couldn't hold on and just let go. The rapids took us out of the trees and into more calming waters. Sab and the kyack followed suit and there we were floating in the river with no raft and no oars.

Eventually the kyack floated near me and I managed to grab it but I couldn't get back on. One of the guides jumped in and helped me get back on the kyack. Sab was pulled back onto the white water raft and we were both safe. According to the people at the place we booked at the rapids we went down were a class three which you could say is medium rapids. I'd never done this before so it was well above my experience and I'm telling you, I think it will be a while before I do it again.

Further down the river I fell in again with the guide but there were no trees thank god. I was just laughing my head off because I can never get something to go smoothly, something always has to go wrong on holidays. The whole group stopped for lunch on a little bank on the river and we also went in for a little swim which was nice. After lunch I parked my ass on the white water raft and enjoyed observing the scenery from this big bastard of a rubber boat. The mountains framing the river are amazing and the fresh mountain air was just beautiful to breathe.

The rest of the afternoon saw us go through some more rapids and also just float our way down to the final destination, a small local village. The people here have such a simple life that it really puts your life into perspective. After a nearly two hour ride back in the rain the group finally made it back to Luang Prabang and after a well deserved hot shower and a mediocre pizza it will be time to have a very long sleep.

Looking back I enjoyed the day and I'm glad I did it but after being stuck under that kyack not knowing what was going to happen next, it won't be something I'll go back to for a little while.

Tomorrow Sab and I are going to check out the local waterfall which is supposed to be amazing.

I'll stick to swimming I think from now on.

There's no place like home!!

Today I finally learned the lesson on "the world really is a small place."

For most of today Sab and I spent it talking to some guy we had never met but I'm sure I'd seen him before. I did see this guy before actually...It was last night as Sab and I were walking down a laneway he was eating at a restaurant by himself. I observe these things where as my traveling partner doesn't.

But that wasn't it.

It all started this morning as Sab and I wandered down the street from our guest house for a late brekky. We decided to take the day off today after our horrendous speedboat adventure the day before. The weather today was divine as we found ourselves sitting at a restaurant on the bank of the mighty Mekong River. After a hearty omlette and fresh as fresh can be baguette Sab and I were thinking what we were going to do with the rest of the day.

Suggestions were thrown about of riding a bike around town, walking around or just do what we do pretty well...nothing. This thought process was interrupted by a guy who suggested that we see one of the waterfalls just outside of town. "Gorgeous" and "divine" were some of the words that he used to describe this waterfall he just came back from earlier in the morning.

After a little while after deciding that his accent was perfectly Australian the age old question was asked. "So where in Australia are you from?" Sab and I can answer in perfect unison these days in a manner that would make Torvill and Dean jealous.
"Melbourne" we said that was short and succint.

After finding out that this guy was from Coburg I thought "Yeah that's pretty close to East Keilor. About 15-20 mins away." Sab grew up in East Keilor for a while too so she has deep affection for places such as the Centerway, JB-Hi Fi and Milleara Road. For me anyone who is in a 20 minute radius of Norwood Drive gets a tip of my hat and even more of my attention as I can talk about things like Buckley Street, Highpoint Shopping Centre and Footscray and not be on the receiving end of a look which screams out "Mate..what the hell are you talking about?"

Then the bombshell came as this bald headed but bearded man said "but I grew up in East Keilor."

Now the odds of meeting a fellow Aussie from the mean streets of EK are pretty thin but what I learned next made that pretty thin turn into a needle in a haystack. "Where did you live in East Keilor?" I asked thinking he would answer something like Noga Ave. Brees Road or the top end of Milleara Road near the Centreway. East Keilor...Respect!

"I grew up in Sterling Drive" Baldman said
"I GREW UP IN NORWOOD DRIVE!" I exclaimed.



On the above map the distance between the places we grew up would roughly be 800-900 meters. My house that served as my life for 24 years is located just under the N in Norwood Drive. This guys place where he grew up is at the top end of Norwood Drive on Sterling Drive. Imagine the scene: Three people sitting in a little town on the Mekong River 10000 kilometers from home just discovering that they all lived within 2 kilometers with each other growing up.

So more memories of home kept flooding back. I was just amazed that here we were talking about waterfalls one minute then we find ourselves sitting talking to this guy (his name was Peter by the way) for 5 hours. Peter, Sab and I talked about holidays and how much we all love Chiang Mai in Thailand and anything and everything in between. He was traveling the world with no plans and was just falling head over heels for Asia and with all the time we have spent here we gave him plenty of ideas to travel around this part of the world. I found out also that he was friends in primary school with my neighbour across the road from my house and he remembers visiting my neighbours house and smelling that combination of Italian furniture and Italian cooking. I was stoked to say the least! (To everyone back in East Keilor, he's talking about Danny and the house was Pina's.)

It was 4 pm when we decided to actually do something with our day. We swapped email addresses to keep in touch and went our separate ways. Sab and I did a little bike ride around the town which was lovely and then we can straight here because i had to tell you all (the three people that actually visit this blog) that the world really is a small place.

Sometimes it's so small it's freaky!

Stoopid Asia is as Stoopid Asia Does...

My names Pepper..Mark Pepper and I'm a stoopid rich Westerner.

Asia.

You always find a way to piss me off just when I'm about to put on the rose coloured glasses.

After my glowing appraisal of Chiang Mai a couple of days ago it's come to my conclusion that as a Westerner in this part of the planet, you will never ever ever ever ever get treated as an equal citizen. According to the unofficial "Asian to Westerner Booklet of etiquette" anyone who has some sort of a skin colour that is of a lighter shade than the locals is a combination of Bill Gates in the finance department and Forrest Gump in the Intelligence department.

Now I'm not as rich as Bill or as stupid as Forrest but after the events of the past couple of days, you could forgive me for blowing off some steam. It all started Saturday afternoon. After Sab and I got back from our enjoyable mountain bike ride, the manager of our guest house pulled us over to say that the tour bus company that was going to drive us to the Thai-Laos border had come to pick us up. We found this odd as they were a day early and the boss was looking at us with some suspicion that it was our fault even though we had paid up till the Sunday the previous Thursday.

On our way to the cooking course we stopped by the agency that we booked our ticket to re-confirm A) that we have a seat for the Sunday bus ride and B) that the guy that booked it is a fair dinkum dickhead. Sab and I were greeted by a man who just seemed to giggle his way through the conversation like an 11 year old girl. He said that we will be fine and have a seat on the bus come Sunday but Sab and I were still not convinced. I released my anger that night by cooking five wicked Thai dishes.

Come Sunday we were packed and ready to go. Our moronic travel agency man said that the trip from Chiang Mai to the border crossing at Chiang Kong would take three hours. "Perfect" I thought. "We can get there about three thirty - fourish and catch the afternoon boat to Luang Prabang." How stoopid was I.

Not only did the trip take nearly five hours but our driver deliberately took a wrong turn in order for us to miss the boat. The reason? When the bus finally rolled into Chiang Kong nearly two hours past the time we were supposed to arrive, the boats to Laos had finished for the day. He stopped in front of a guesthouse where we coincidentally stay the night and organise tickets for tea boat next day. He arrived late on the chance that we would have no choice but to stay at this hotel the night and he would get his little commission. It's tactics like this that would cause such an uproar in Western countries but it's accepted practice over here. I mean what can we do?

There was a young English couple traveling with us so we decided to try and find our way over the river to Laos. We walked up the road to the boat ramp where the driver should have dropped us off in the first place. When you pay for a service you expect something or someone at the receiving end to point you in the right direction. The customs office at the pier was closed and locked up so we had to walk further down the road to another boat pier whereby we finally made our way onto a dinky wooden boat and made our way across the river into the town of Huay Xai.

This little Loatian one horse town would have to be a place of rest as not only did we miss the last boat of the day but the roads to our destination Luang Prabang had been damaged by severe rain. Now whether this is true or not true is questionable but it's these situations you find yourself in reguarly in this part of the world. After finding a room Sab and I got some dinner and finally I got to try the biggest urban legend around... BeerLao and with my years of beverage consumption experience in Asia it is by far and away the best beer in Asia. It has a very fresh taste and leaves you wanting for more. Sab polished off a 640 ml bottle on her own and that is something very rare indeed believe me.

Sab and I bit the bullet and paid 33 Yankee Dollars for a 6 hour speedboat ride the next morning. We thought that we would have time to relax, read, listen to the iPod and get there in a third of the time compared to the next best and only other option.

Check out this video to see what we got ourselves into today for 6 hours. Click on the link


Not only was this boat designed for three people (there were six to start off with and we picked up another passenger along the way) but when you are going at roughly 40-50 kilometers an hour, water hits you pretty hard. My toes were stuck underneath the seat in front of me and I was worried I would get some sort of deep vain thrombosis so I tried to wiggle my foot but to no avail. They were jammed big time. My back was jammed into the board behind me and the room we had made flying on Jetstar seem like flying in a stretch limo. I was in so much pain that after nearly three hours we finally got a chance to stretch.

Six hours on the Nam Tha River with legroom Karen Carpenter would find unbearable made me a very unhappy man. I wanted to tell the driver, Laos and Asia to go and get f#cked but I can't because we are in the town of Luang Prabang and it's amazing. It is so peaceful and laid back here. There are fresh baguettes here and the arts and craft continue to make me wish I had a house to decorate back home. Tomorrow Sab and I are taking a rest and going to recharge the batteries for our upcoming adventure on Wednesday..White water rafting and kyacking.

Asia...You better not do this to me again but I know you will...because stupid is as stupid does.

Super Saturday...Thai Style

Yes i made this tonight all by myself!

Hello everyone once again for my final update from Chiang Mai.

Super Saturday here saw myself and the delightful Sabrina partake in two very different activities. Mountain Bike Riding and Thai Cooking.

This morning we made our way out from our excuse of a hotel and made our way 1600 meters above Chiang Mai. Now i haven't been one to really push myself on the bike over the years. The closest i've come to 'extreme' riding is coming back from the supermarket with six plastic bags on my handlebars.

Our ride was downhill all the way and on sealed roads. It was an excuse to let go of the brakes and speed down a mountain at 40 kmh. I haven't actually ridden a bike for over 2 years (not counting the gym) so getting back on that horse was a bit tricky, especially with all the padding that went with the territory. I looked like i was about to take part in the NFL rather than take a nice leisurely ride down a hill. The yellow sunglasses were cool though. Well i thought they were...i kept them.

Look out Chiang Mai...Here come Captain Spazmo!

The ride was fantastic and it also included a visit to my favourite place in the world...another temple. It was mothers day here today so the temple was crowded and rather than go inside i just walked around the outside watching the people. Thailand has such a magical feel to the place that no other country can ever achieve. The ride continued downhill and into the city. Sab was having a bit of trouble with her seat and she took a more cautious approach to the ride where as i just wanted to go faster...it's the boy racer in me!

By the time we got back to the bike office, we were all covered in sweat and looking forward to sitting on something wider than a bike seat. After a quick shower and change of clothes it was time to visit the "Cook Smart Cooking School."

Now last update i mentioned that i wasn't too crash hot on cooking and here is an example why. One evening a few years ago, the family was having dinner. My brothers girlfriend (now fiance) Narelle was over as well. I was given the easy task of making a salad. I couldn't do it. Not only did i forget half the ingredients of a salad but also tried to 'marinade' the lettuce in pineapple juice..true story. As a result of this when Chris and Narelle were holidaying ni the north of Australia one year, they actually made a video of how to prepare a salad especially for me. Now when people say they can't cook...i can say i really can't f#cking cook!

But after tonights course i really want to (and in all seriousness have to) expand my cooking capabilities. Our night got off to a shaky start when out guide to the local market was a ladyboy called "Wawa." She/He explained to us (Me, Sab and two Irish ladies) the ins and outs of rice, chillis and Thai vegetables...exciting stuff for all. Oh why oh why do all Asian markets smell like crap?

Looks good, Smells really bad.

The night improved when we started cooking. We had to cut all the veges and i was very nervous as we had to use a very big knife and i'm not very good with instuments that can casue harm. So after preparing our food we made 5 pretty easy to make dishes but the one that stood out like Dolly Parton were the spring rolls. They were the best springers i've ever tasted in my life. They were so light and the inside had only vegetables and they weren't soaked with oil like springers in Oz or China but lightly fried just to seal the freshness in.

After a bottle of beer i loosened up a bit in the kitchen and really enjoyed cooking these dishes. At the end of the night we receievd a cookbook with 20 recipies and plenty of photos to remember the night which you can see at chiangmaismartcook.com (look in the August 2006 section. 12th August).

All in all Super Saturday was fantastic. In fact our time in Chiang Mai has been sensational. With our previous visits to Thailand concerntrating on Koh Samui and Bangkok i felt that we were not seeing the full picture of this great country. After a week here and various courses and activities i feel that my eyes have opened up a lot more. I knew that Thailand was a great country but after being up north it's officially a brilliant country.

Remember that we were going to stay in Chiang Mai for four days...we ended up staying seven.

So tomorrow we make our way to Laos and another set of adventures there.

Hopefully access to the internet isn't too bad and i can keep you all updated from there.

Take care everyone and love to all.

What's on my mind on a Friday?

How about strolling through the night market? (The above photo is from one of the many stalls)

Or floating on a bamboo raft...

Or riding an elephant...

Or visiting a hilltop tribe...

Actually today we did all these four things but before i get into the details let's back track to yesterday and all the exciting things Sab and I did in Chiang Mai.

We did nothing!

I spent yesterday watching Christopher Reeve wear the blue tights twice. During the week i picked up the original Superman Movie and Superman II. It was fantatic and slightly sad to see Christopher Reeve at his peak wear the Man of Steel suit with such ease. Throughout the day i also read Geroge Orwell's classic novella, 'Animal Farm.' I have been reading a few classic books recently and Sab and i purchased two of his otherbooks to read. Sabs currently on '1984' while i'm about to start 'Down and Out in Paris and London." After i finish reading that i'll be making my way over to F. Scott Fitzgerald's seminal work 'The Great Gatsby.'

Then again i'm currently in the middle of the third book in the Jeremy Clarkson series. For anyone outside of the United Kingdom he is the host of the coolest car show in the world 'Top Gear' and basically has written a few books that seem to only have two topics. They are "I really like this" and "I really hate that."

Last night Sab and I made our way down to the 'Irish Pub' which defended it's Irishness by having a couple Guiness posters on the wall and an old wooden floor. It seems that anyone can open an Irish pub if they manage to get a hold of a signed Gaelic football jumperand hammer it to the wall and a couple of pirated U2 live albums even if it means you are being served by someone called 'Nam.'

We were there to participate in the Quiz Night which turned out to be presented by the most boring American i have had the displeasure to be in the same room with. Now if my dear friend Kate (who is from Boston by the way everyone) is reading this i mean no offense to your per-se but this bloke had as much personality as i do one night stands...none.

A Quiz Night should be hosted by someone who makes you feel happy to be there. The best example is the Quiz Night guy at Dickens Bar in Hong Kong. He has a laugh at the crowd and generally keeps the mood light and entertaining. This Seppo bloke might as well have been hosting it in the City Morgue. Well Sab and I didn't fare to well in this quiz and we were tied for second last though i did manage to guess that William Shakespeare was 52 years old when he died. The again i didn't need to guess when i knew that Meatloaf was the bus driver in the movie "Spiceworld."

Fast forward to this morning and I was trekking in the middle of a jungle to see a hilltop tribe. Now these tribes are native to the area and treat visitors with warmth and humility which explains why i could have a few cracks at a fruit with the aid of a homemade crossbow. After slugging it out for 40 minutes in very humid conditions the group of 6 we were in made it to the village and before we knew it we were making our way 40 minutes back to our van. During that time my t-shirt turned into a skin tight Ian Thorpe swim suit.

After a short drive we made our way to another village which seemed to be exactly the same as the one we just came from. Our guide told us they speak a different language but being a slightly ignorant traveller, i couldn't tell the difference. Back in the van we went and we were on our way to a waterfall where we could "swim." Well according to that theory the only humans that can swim at this waterfall were 5 month old babies still in thier mummies tummies. The waterfall itself was lovely and i managed to go for a little climb up the rocks to behind the waterfall. I also managed to fall on my ass and graze my arm. Here I was getting all excited to swim at a waterfall (i love waterfalls) and the deepest i could get was halfway up my shin. Wow...lucky i didn't pack the Floaties!

After a lunch that consisted of rice, slightly questionable chicken and pineapple, the group was on its way to the elephant trek. Sab and i spent an hour on the elephant and all the elephant wanted to do was eat and shit. Our guide told us to bring nothing except our cameras so when it came time to pay money for some bananas to feed the elephants, Sab and I were the only ones not to buy any for our hard working beast. We felt like a couple of idiots. Add to the fact that our elephants baby elephant was following us and raising its trunk against our legs for bananas, we felt really really guilty for some reason. I'm sure these elephants eat 1.5 million bananas a day anyway.

At the end of the trek Sab and I quickly bought a bag of nana's and fed them to our elephants so there was some vindication there. Which leads us to our final adventure of the day...bamboo rafting. I was given the task of steering the back of the craft in the manner of a gondola rider from Venice. Not only did i manage to fall off twice but my stick got jammed between two rocks in the middle of the river and i couldn't get it out! The craft was rudderless and going down the river. Later on the guide at the front of the boat knocked another stick from the side of the river so i jumped in, quickly swam against the rapids and latched on to my new steering stick. It made no difference as i found out a i just couldn't get the grasp of this steering thing.

Still it was a fun ride and after an hours trip back into town, a nice hot shower and Indian dinner here i am about to tell you that tomorrow we are going to do some mountain bike riding and an evening cooking course. I'm not really into cooking but Sab was keen to do one. Chiang Mai has been great and we leave for Laos on sunday. I'm sure i'll be able to do one last update from Chiang Mai before we leave.

Enjoy your weekend everyone.

Name that Wrestler!

To anyone out there who has no interest in professional wrestling you can stop reading now.

Yesterday i told you about my brothers love for professional wrestling.

He has just contacted me to say that the wrestler in the picture on the receiving end of Bret 'The Hitman' Hart's Sharpshooter is none other than the "Heartbreak Kid" hinmself Shawn Michaels.

Thanks Bro.

"Son...you've just completed Basic Training"

Now i'm certified.

Sure most of you would have thought i would have been certified insane first but after three days i'm now qualified to undertake in "Basic Thai Nerve Touch Massage."

On this news i don't expect the FTSE 500 to plunge or the United Nations to call an emergency General Assembly meeting but i suspect that there may be a few people out there who would want to take advantage of my newly aquired skills. So far my parents and my grandmother have signed up to be my first experim..sorry i meant 'customers.'

Today Sab and the other guy (who is Belgian) had their 'test' whereby they gave our instructor an entire massage. It was a pretty easy day actually. At one point i was getting massaged by two people and thought 'how good is this.' Then again it would have been better if i was getting massaged by Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kiera Knightley...ahh the chance to dream.

Our teacher was actually quite pleasent today and we were joined in the class by a lanky Italian whose job back home was to book models for companies. It was interesting hearing about life in Milan (sorry...Milano) when your leg is facing an angle that should only be seen in the most horrific of car accidents.

Last night Sab and I checked out the Chiang Mai Night Bazzar and honestly, this was the nicest market i have been to in Asia. There was so much stuff i wanted to by. I kept saying to Sab "If only i had money and a house to put this is" but that's the point of travelling. You find places and things you like and you come back to them later and i have to come back to Chiang Mai. It's such a wonderful city and the pace is a lot more relaxed than down south.

So if you want a nice back and shoulder massage...go see a normal massuse.

If you want to feel sore for five days afterwards then come see me.

I mean all this massage stuff should entice the ladies out there right?.....right?.....anyone?

Can you spot the difference? ...Neither can I

The top picture shows professional wrestling icon "Bret 'The Hitman' Hart" displaying his signature move 'The Sharpshooter' on some poor chappy. I don't know who the other guy is but if my brother is looking at this update I'm sure he could tell me who is on the receiving end of it just by the design of the other guys tights. Chris loves wrestling.

I myself am prone to the odd glimpse of 'Sports Entertainment' but nothing to the level of my brother yet judging by the second picture you could swear that I was trying out for a guest appearance to the sequel of Jack Black's film 'Nacho Libre.' As you can see the massage course we are undertaking is pretty heavy duty in some areas but overall today was a lot better than yesterday.

Our teacher Vinegar Tits became a vinegarette tits of sorts as her blustering personality was scaled back to the same level as a hurricane force 3. Not only did we learn all 60 moves today but the three students were really getting into the final details. When our teacher said yesterday "its more important to find the right places and pressure to touch" I thought she was bonkers. Then again I was trying not to shit myself in the process yet today I really concerntrated on trying to find the right tendons and muscles to touch. Whilst massaging Sab she was laughing at me because of the serious look on my face and being such dear friends, I did exactly the same to her.

So tonight as the rain falls down here i may have another massage and we will make our way to see the Chiang Mai night bazzar in the centre of town. Tomorrow is our final day where we practice some more and learn about the importance of herbs when massaging Thai style.

Should be fun.

When Essential Oils and Barry White just won't do.

Welcome to Chiang Mai. Cultural Epicentre of Thailand.

I'm sore.

No i take that back...i'm really f#cking sore!

Just under an hour ago Sab and I competed the first day of our three day Thai massage course. We have both looked forward to this for a while now and we walked into the massage shop with a little smile on our faces and a little nervousness in our stomachs. That was quickly replaced by fear and sweat as our teacher had a mullet that would have made anyone from the 1989 Hawthorn Premiership team green with envy and a tounge that reminded me of "Vinegar Tits" from 'Prisoner.'

As soon as 9am hit we (as in me, Sab and another guy from Belgium) were observing the work of Vinegar Tits and having no idea what she was doing. There are 60 moves that we have to learn and this morning she went through the first third. Before i knew it my legs were facing directions i didn't think were possible unless you are like Sting and have done Yoga for the past 300 years. Next thing i know its my turn and i couldn't get anything right. If my hand was up "Down..DOWN!" our instructor would say. I was shaking as i was not only thinking how to do it properly but also thinking how much pressure do i put on with this move and... "Mark...MARK..Hand Lower...Thumbs Up..Press but don't pinch!"

As the morning rolled on the atmosphere in the room became slightly more relaxed but this was counter balanced by the rise in my body temperature by 10 degrees. I had no idea how much effort you have to put in to make someone feel relaxed. Right now my knees and lower back are in need of a massage of their own. Sab and i were giggling to each other out of nervousness and the Belgian guy was feeling the heat as well. After lunch it seemed that the whole atmosphere had changed and Vinegar Tits was a lot more relaxed and we could actually understand what she was saying.

Still the actual massaging part was a nightmare as i had the pleasure of massaging Sab and vice versa. Another wall has been broken between us and in order to keep up our massaging techniques we will now have to practice on each other but the only difference is that there will be no essential oils or Barry White in the background.

Culture Diving courses now available...

Kickboxing on Thursday night. Teddy on the bridge on the River Kwai and myself with a killing machine at the Tiger Temple(both Friday).

Since Thursday night Sab and I have gone deep diving into the Thai culture. On our various other trips to Thailand, Bangkok has been a transit stop between Hong Kong and Koh Samui. Seen that this was going to be the last time that either of us will travel here (but you never know) we thought we would see a few things that we didn't get around to last time either because we were tired or hungover.

Yesterday we traveled to the Bridge on the River Kwai. Now I enjoy reading about war and history. I have picked up these traits from my father along with a passion for sport and slightly blue humor (thanks to the BBC and the 'Carry On' for the last one). So I was really excited to see this piece of history that has a major influence on the Second World War. We were up just after 6 and at 7 were sleep walking into our van that had a capacity of 15.

On the bus there were Sab, myself and 13 Asians.

Now before you all raise the flag and say "hey that's a bit much there with that Asian call" you have to understand that Asians in general have an amazing capacity to fall asleep the second a vehicle starts moving. Not only do they sleep but they almost waltz around the cabin with a deft ablilty to suddenly straighten up (but continue sleeping) when their head comes into contact with any other person.]

This was our life for two hours yesterday. Not only were the other passengers waltzing away but our driver was having a serious crack at knocking Michael the Shoemaker off his perch at Ferrari. Add ot the fact it was raining and not all the speedos work in cars over here, i have no idea how fast we were going. If i had to guess i wouldn't be far off if i said we were travelling at Mach 1.7.

On our way to the bridge we stopped by the major war cemetary honouring mainly Australian and British soldiers who died on the railway. It was a very humbling experience to read the tombstones of the soldiers and see that even boys as young as 20 were being treated like dogs in this god awful environment. The cemetary was beautiful but the one tihng that runied it was an Asian family taking a group picture doing the stupid 'V' thing with their hands. To me it showed no respect for the men who are buried there.

By the time we reached the War Museum the sence of occasion was coming over me so i headed straight to the illegal DVD seller and purchased a copy of the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert to get me back on track. The adjoining War Museum looked more like my uncles old garage with a few more pictures hung up. It was musty and had old Jeeps and an old train cart showing how the prisinors were kept locked up during their time there. You really got the feeling that the Japanese were bastards and with the theory that "for every sleeper on the railway one person died" you can understand why it's called the "Death Railway."

The bridge itself is still in remarkable condition and is still used by the Thai Railways. Walking along it was a bit tricky as there was only a single track and people everywhere taking pictures and trying to remember why this bridge is so important. Walking along the bridge I really wished that i could have had my dad there with me as he would have loved to have been here.

After the bridge we went back into the van and blasted our way down to a floating restaurant out of town. Now the lunch was "buffet" style but this so called "buffet" considered on steamed rice and the choice of chicken with one freaky vegetable or chicken with an even more freaky vegetable. Sab and i felt that heartburn we gained in Myanmar come back for an encore as we had no other choice but to eat this food.

Afterwards we were ferried to a waterfall to have a bit of a play around but with the rain coming back it wasn't the best idea.

So i jumped in anyway. For a while no one else jumped in and i thought "umm is anyone going to join me?" Sab was out as she gained a cold in Singapore and the other western tourists seemed not to want to join me. I thought bugger it and swam around like a million dollar mermaid and had a bit of the climb up the rocks to the waterfall itself. It was amazing to be standing under these falls and letting the water flow all over you. I really really liked that.

Once again we were back on the bus and this time we had some westerners which made the trip less boring but we were on our way to the 'Tiger Temple' whereby Sab's smile couldn't be hidden. This was her highlight of the day where as mine was the Bridge. Sab loves tigers and even carries a little white one around with her called Kimba (it's her version of Teddy Richards) so to be up close and personal with these beasts of the jungle was going to be memorable.

I was taken by the hand by a large Thai guy and asked to sit behind the tiger and pat it. Now besides the whole taking me by the hand thing which took me by surprise but understandable as i would have skipped with him if it not meant getting eaten alive, I had to sit down and start stroking these beasts. Their fur was so smooth and you culd feel thier bones and muscles underneat, it felt wrong but right at the same time. Before we knew it i was ferried around the other tigers for more photos and two minutes after it started was finished.

We walked around hte grounds and saw peacocks, cows, pigs and horses just roaming free and easy and not disturbing the visitors at all. By the time we finished we were all pretty stuffed so we hopped on a train and then back into the van for another two hour busride back to Bangers. After we reached Kho Sahn Road we had some dinner and quickly checked our emails to see if Fiona (another teacher from Tin Shui Wai) had made it into town and quite possibly catch up. We had no luck with our emails but as we were walking back we ran into her which was fantastic. She had been on holidays with her sister and was going back to Honkers the next morning so we didn't really have a chance to sit down and chat as the three of us were stuffed. Hopefully we will catch up with her in Honkers.

Thursday night saw Elsee and Reg (the names we have given ourselves as we go to bed these days at the same time as grandparents) shuffle their way down to the Ratchadamoen Stadium fro some traditional Muay Thai Kickboxing. Now this arena is the "Madison Square Garden of Kickboxing: so we just had to go and see it. Sure it wasn't the Christmas Night 2004 Spectacle of Kickboxing we saw previously but there is something strange at the sight of teenage boys kicking each others heads in with the half capacity crowd hooting and cheering for more.

Sab and i watched it from the cheap seats which cost 1000 Baht which was a ripoff and a complete sham if you are a westerner as if you are a local you probably paid 300 or 400 baht for the same thing. Besides the high prices we watched the matches from behind a wire fence which immediatley took me back to the spectacle of "Mad Max 3 - Beyond Thunderdome." I was close to screaming "two men enter one man leaves" but i didn't decide to go through with it. After four fights and what seemed like an eternity our stomachs got the better of us and he headed back to the hotel where we ended up on our beds eating take-away and watching "Flashdance" on our DVD player.

Later today we areoff to Chiang Mai where the both of us are really looking forward to doing a 3 day Thai Massage course...as long as we don't have to massage each other because that would be gross.

On the lighter side of life...

It seems i have found a blast from my Thai past.

Hello once again from Bangkok or known by its other name as the "City of Angels."

Sab and i are not cool. Sorry to dissapoint you all but we aren't. How did we come across this revelation? Well from our hotel to get to Kho Sahn Road we have to go through the 'United Travellers Connection' which contains uber-cool Europeans with dark brown skin (mostly Israeli's). As we walk through it we feel as Sab put it "like the nerdy kids walking past the cool group." Now Sab and I are a couple of happy-go-lucky little Vegemites who have no interest in getting our hairbraided, going on treks, taking recreational drugs or hanging out with people of the same race. It's like being in Grade 6 all over again. You know the feeling (unless you were one of the cool kids then you would never know what it's like) of "Hey i'm an alright sort of a person but what do they have that i don't?" The answer - A better exchange rate and culture coming out of every pore of their sun drenched skin. So while they talk about something they got for 2 pounds, Sab and i with our Hong Kong Dollar would have to pay the equivalent of 10 pounds for the same thing.

So the United Travellers Connection is a hotbed of European action where as Sab and I know how to kick it by staying in our room and watching an illegal copy of "The Break Up" on our little portable DVD player. Who's cool now you Eurotrash snobs?!

Last night as i was cleaning out my backpack i came across a little notepad from Tropical Murphy's on Koh Samui. In it there are a number of jokes that myself, Sabrina and Candace made up over various beverages last Easter. In a former Tin Shui Wai Update i mentioned a few of these. Since there is nothing new to update for you today here is the complete list of the silly European jokes we made up. Most of these are taking the mickey out of the Swedes. Any Sweden lovers avert your eyes now...

Though we do to have a small crack at the French so that makes up for it.


Here they are:

- What is the favourite song of a Swedish Elvis fan? Blue Swede Shoes

- What do you get when you cross the Beatles with a Swedish Car? A Saab Days Night

- What do you call a Swede who has found Christ? A Born a Sven Christian

- What do you get when you cross a Swede with the Flintstones? Abba Dabba Doo!!

- What do Swedes call a flash of inspiration? A good Ikea.

- What do you get when you cross a Swede with a Chinese? Sweden Sour.

- Whats a Swedish Guns and Roses fans favourite song? Swede Child O' Mine.

- What did the Swedish mum say to her child at the supermarket? Don't forget to take the Stockholm.

- What did the Dutch guy say to his girlfriend as they were making out? I'm all Hans.

- What did the Russian man say to his wife afer she laughed at him for falling over? You wipe that Smirnoff your face.

- What did the French Kid say after he fell over? ' Mama Eiffel! '

- What did the frenchman say to the check out chick when she was bagging his food? Baguette!

- What did the Finn say when he locked himself out of the house? 'I have Nokia.'

- What did the Danish lady say to the guy trying to steal her bag? 'Lego!'

and finally:

- What did the Finn say when he couldn't eaet anymore? "I'm Finnish.'

As a member of the free press...

Yes thats me and yes i am now a distinguished representative of the worlds press. I got one just for laughs or in the insane attempt to gain access as part of the media scrum to major sporting events around the world.

Welcome to Bangkok where a fake press pass,student card or university degree is only 15 minutes away. We are back at our favourite stomping ground Kho San Road which is the epicentre for backpackers who are making their own journeys around South East Asia. We arrived late last night as our plane was delayed from Manila but rest assured Sab and I found a bed at our local hotel we stay at here. Our room is across from the room we stayed at the first time in Bangkok in 2004.

For anyone who doesn't know Room 415 holds plenty of memories for Sab and I. It was the room where our former work colleauge Mel who travelled with us to Samui got some action with a Pommy backpacker on New Years Eve and decided to tell Sab the whole story about it the next morning. It happened on the bed that Sab had to share with Mel..gross.

Anyway Bangkok is still the same. Its big, dirty,charming and full of energy. We checked in last night and this morning organised a tour to the Bridge on the River Kwai and also our visa to Laos. We are also going to see some Thai Kickboxing at Bangkok's version of Madison Square Garden tomorrow night.

Besides organising we did a little shopping. I purchased a couple pairs of long board shorts and some DVD movies to carry us over on our trip to watch. So tonight we are just going to take it easy and watch another movie in our room. We are over temples and we have been here before so there isn't anything new to see here.

So that's about it and as all journalists say ...

"This is Mark Pepper in Bangkok reporting for 'Peps Place.'"

Hehe..i like the sound of that.

Cat Stevens and Normal Tea...What The??!!

Well if you are like my good friend Sabrina Gabrielle (thats her confirmation name because as i found out recently..when the Archbishop of Melbourne asked her when he presided over her confirmation why she chose that name, a youthful Sab looked up with her big brown eyes and said 'Becasue i want to be like the angel Gabriel') Mileto then the concept of 'Normal' tea is anything from the Twinings Tea Selection Box. More on this later.

We are back in Singapore once again and after our two weeks in Myanmar which from know on will be known as "The Spiritual Freedom Peace Train Tour 2006" (come on the Peace Train!) its fantastic to be surrounded by such delicacies such as high speed internet, fantastically fresh Indian Food and strawberry Big M's!

We are only here for the one night as tomorrow we are flying to Bangkok where we will spend about three days running around seeing the things that well...we haven't seen yet. I'll update everyone from Bangers tomorrow.

Back to the 'Normal Tea' thing, Sabrina loves her tea...loves it. In fact i think that one of Sab's dream jobs would be to write for a magazine called "Tea Leaf Life" where she could debate the virtues of English Breakfast over Earl Grey. This morning on the way back from Yangon, meals were being served by the staff on Jetstar. I know Jetstar don't serve meals usually but this flight was in conjunction with Myanmar Airways so that explains the poor poor choice of fish or pork to eat.

After the barely edible meal, tea and coffee were served. I chose the coffee and Sab then asked "Do you have any normal tea?" Well i burst into laughter and i mean the whole snorting and shoulder movement thing as the question just astounded me. To Asia in general, Green Tea is 'normal tea' where as black tea would be 'not normal tea' yet this is not how its supposed to be according to Sab and who am i to argue? Shes in striking distance so ill keep my mouth shut.

So from Singers to Bangers we go and i'll update you all from there.

Gees Singapore is brilliant!

Myanmar - Temples, Chickens and Blokes in Skirts

Yes that's me in local costume and that's Teddy outside the biggest temple in Yangon.

Howdy strangers or as we say in Myanmar "Me la la Nook Nook."
That's not Myanmar language by the way, it's just me being a dickhead.

At last Sabrina and i have the opportunity to update our audience of the delights of the past two weeks here in this Socialist country. We are back in Yangon which in Myanmar means "Death to the Enemy" which just screams out 'Welcome to our country' doesn't it? Here are 10 facts about this exciting little Asian country.

1 - There are 227 rules and regulations to follow if you want to be a monk.
2 - Myanmar is roughly the size of Texas.
3 - I think we visited about 50-60 temples these past two weeks.
4 - Myanmar in the local language means "Land of The Quick and Swift"
5 - Myanmar internet access, unlike the country is not quick and swift.
6 - The people here are the freindliest we've seen on our travels.
7 - When your tour guide says "Lets share a beer" you will always pay for it.
8 - There is no such thing as a sex industry in Myanmar according to our guide.
9 - You can eat amazing custard with Banana at the 7 Sisters Restaurant in Kalaw.
10- The local Catholic preist in Kalaw think Sab and i are idiots.

For a more detailed description of where we went check out Sabrinas blog at spaces.msn.com/sabszone30. Just click on the title of this blog.

Amazing you say! Why haven't we packed the kids in the car and traveled here earlier? In hindsight our tour of this place has been pretty good. I wouldn't say it was excellent because as we found out besides Temples and Chinese Restaurants, our tour guide Myo never really took us to anything else. I know we were on a tour and we have agendas to follow but seriously, how many times can you fake interst in seeing a Bhuddist Temple? To be fair on our guide he was flexible in his thinking an adapted the tour to our needs. Instead of seeing a temple we can go and see a floating market. Brilliant we tought.

We floated right past it in our boat.

For two days we were staying on Inlay Lake (which by the way is 22km long and 11 km wide and during the rainy season is 9 meters deep) and when i mean on the lake, we were on the lake! (can i make it anymore clearer?) Now it's a lovely place for romance but no offence to my buddy Sab, it's doesn't exactly suit our needs as the pants off department is strictly taboo. Lord knows i've tried! ...Just Kidding everyone!

Earlier in the week we visited Bagan which is home for over 2000 temples built from the 11 to the 13th centuries. It is an amazing sight to see these temples..when you first get there but after a while Sab was completly turned off by seeing another temple. I myself was really getting into it. 'Yeah!' i thought 'This temple is certainly a late period templeswhere as the one before was an early age temple. The difference is in the number of entrances and the detailing of the stucco on the exterior.' I don't know if i was going cuckoo but maybe it was my failed attempt at being an architect that inspired me to enjoy seeing temples over and over and over again.

Bagan also teased us by having a swimming pool at our hotel where i decided to get sunburnt big time and even five days after i got burnt, i'm still red and yes mum i did put sunscreen on!

But what about the local delicacy you say? Well in Myanmar you have the choice of Myanmar food (basically fish and vegetables) or Chinese food and that's it. Sab and i have eaten so much Chinese food and Myanmar food that i can't eat anymore. My heart feels likes its been marinaded in MSG and its slowly cooking itself into a delicious heart attack but seriously we couldn't eat anything else becasue there was nothing else! I did have the fourtune to try bamboo shoots which smell and taste like cow shit. It really does, our guide Myo thought it was hilarious, my tastebuds disagreed with him.

Other highlights included

- Mandaly Hill. Mandaly is the cultural capital of this country and one of the 5 ancient capitals of the country. The view was supurb and was the numerous hand weaving and stone carving galleries we saw in Mandalay.

- Sab and i crossed the worlds longest wooden bridge. It's 1.2 km long and we crossed it twice as we had to get back to the car to go and see the local pottery barn.

- The devotion to religon here is amazing. The people are so devout here that it puts most Catholics to shame. Speaking of Catholics, fact number 10 said that priest thought Sab and i were idiots. In Kalaw, Sab, Myo and i went for a walk around the town where we stumbled across a Catholic church. It wasn't a temple so we decided to have a look. Whilst inside we ran into the local preist who we were invited to sit down and have a chat to. Whilst asking him such questions as "How long have you been here?" , "When did you want to become a priest", "Did you meet Pope John Paul?" eventually the hard hitting questions that we have wanted to ask a man of the cloth came out of our mouths...

"Have you seen the Da Vinci Code?"
"No..what is it?"
"Its a movie" (feeling like right idiots now as we have barely seen any DVD players in this country)

Our conversation turned into a slanging match between the preist and two Aussies wanting to debunk the history of the Catholic Church. Having not seen the film, our arguments to the priest were being taken at face value and judging by the look on the preists face..he thought we were morons.

"Well its in the bible. It's written text. Its been criticised and analised and its still here."
Sab chipped in with a question "but how do you know what was written was the truth"
Gotcha now buddy!
"Well how do you know what Shakespeare wrote plays?"
Me - "Well its in books"
Preist - "So you believe that Shakespeare wrote plays because its in a book so if its the bible must be right because its in a book too right?"
My thought - "Damn it, he snookered us"
Shifty Priest!

Well after our audience with the preist we were satisfied with getting the hard questions off our chest.

I could write so much more but ill leave that to Sab...hehe. Check out her blog for all the adventures we got up to.

Overall Myanmar was great to see and we are both glad we came but we are both looking forward to seeing different aspects of Southeast Asia and experiencing new adventures and observing other cultures.

Tomorrow we are back to Singapore and civilisation.

Speak to you all soon.

It's pronounced "Me-anne-mar"

Hello everyone from the city of Mandalay.

I'm actually quite lucky to get access to Blogger as the internet access in Myanmar is quite well...crap. Nevertheless the whole point of travelling to countries such as the one Sab and i are currently invading is to get away from such dependence on technology that i am using right now.

With what little time i have to write before our tour guide picks us up i have to say that Myanmar is brilliant. We landed in Yangon and were greeted with a sign at the airport with both our names on it just like in the movies. In all honesty i've always wanted to be greeted with a sign at the airport.

Sab and i have done well as it's only the two of us in the tour group so we are getting a personal two week tour of this place. Our guide Myo is a really great guy and loves all things Italian (hehe be careful Sab). We are staying in nice hotels and being driven around everywhere...this is so out of our league.

There's so much more to write but its time to go. i'll try and get a pic up here in teh next couple of days. We've been to so many temples but unlike China, they are all a work of art. So much history and the people...my god they are so friendly. We went to a pottery village yesterday outside of Yangon and the ride took an hour over the bumpiest road we have been on. Both Sabs and my boobs were bouncing all over the back of the jeep. Everything here is hand made and with tools so bare is amazing how they can create such masterpeices of art.

Gotta go, so far Myanmar is soooo good.

In late breaking news

Sabrina is having trouble with her phone card she purchased from 7-11 10 minutes ago.

Not only does she have to type in about 30 numbers before the phone rings but she just found out that she has to put coins in the phone first and then she can use the phonecard.

I thought these cards were supposed to make things easier.

That's one strike against you Singapore.

Here's a pic of my PLI class from friday morning. I'm going to miss those kids..except Carlos. He's a little shit that luckily isn't in this picture.

As i finish typing this 10 minutes after i started, Sab still can't get this thing to work.

Life in the Fast Lane!

Speed..Speed..give me what i need!

Yes that's me earlier this afternoon at Sentosa Island racing down the hill on the Sentosa Luge. No it wasn't a race between me and Sab, i was just trying to go as fast as i can and not use the brakes at all. I mean that's the whole point of these things right?

To wind the clock back, just after our last update, Sab and i had a delightful meal of bread, garlic cheese topped with vegemite. Sure it's no Beijing Duck but the combination was surprisingly flavoursome. It was a quiet night as well as we decided to stay in and have a quiet beer (yes...Sab had a James Boags . That's her favourite) and also a quick game of pool out the back as well. The place where we are staying hasa very hostelian vibe that i enjoy. The crowd here seems to be a bit less welcoming to people as in other places though. The two nights that we've been here there have just been clumps of groups around the place. Do we not know something about this place or do Sab and i just smell?

Anyways this morning after half my scrambled eggs fell off my plate at brekky time, we decided to head down to the market. On the way we stopped into 7-11 where i gazed upon something close to liquid gold...Strawberry Big M's! Oh the sweet sweet taste of the Strawb took me back to the Norwood Drive Milk Bar after a hard day at St. Peters Primary School. we havent had one since 2004! At the market it was time for me to purchase a new toiletries bag as my other one was on its last legs.Well i saw this bag that was the right size to squeeze into my backpack...and it was a Superman bag too! So now the Man of Steel is looking after my soap and shaving stuff..lord help him!

Today we ventured on the efficient subway system to Sentosa Island which is Singapores answer to Brisbanes South Bank. Whilst the man made beaches are fantastic and the water blue as the sky above, the greatest thing about this place is that you actually feel like you are out of the city. The people are so relaxed and friendly that leaving this place is getting harder and harder as time passes.

Also on Sentosa we ventured to the Southermost Point of Continental Asia. Sure a rocky outcrop would not appeal to many people (including the person sitting next to me at this internet cafe) but Teddy Richards and Sabrina's Mascot Kimba got their picture togeter on tihs historical well...rock.

So tonight we are taking it easy as we have an early flight to Myanmar tomorrow and depending on internet access ill try to keep this posted as up to date as i can.

Gees Singapore is great.

Singapore just keeps getting better...seriously a lot better.

Right now i feel like i'm on top of the world.

That's me earlier today 150 meters in the air inside Singapores latest observation sensation, the DHL hot air balloon. The day so far has seen us eat Roti (oh my god that stuff is sensational) and make our traditional Singaporean trek down to Suntec City Shopping Centre. Yet after the happy yet tearful farewell at Topkids Kindergarten yesterday afternoon i was wondering wether or not how will we survive outside of Hong Kong.

After saying our goodbyes to Porpoise Spit (sorry i meant Tin Shui Wai) Sab and i are back in the city-state we love the most. The more i come to Singapore the more i fall for this place. It's so different to Hong Kong that it's hard to imagine how we ever survived in Honkers for a tad under two years.

Don't get me wrong, Hong Kong is a great city and i'll have some fantastic memories of my time there but Singapore is more modern, safe, freindly and by a huge margin liveable city to reside in. Sure i may be talking it up now as we have only spent snippets of time here but Sab and i grabbed a copy of the local rag just to have a squiz at the jobs section. We saw a couple and we are going to apply, you never know what could happen.

Yet we are taking the next couple of days to relax. We have been on the go packing, cleaning, going to dinners and getting ready to say goodbye that we need a couple of days here just to recharge the batteries, then again if a job offer came our way it may be a little longer than a couple of days!

Ahhh ya gotta love your family

The weekend that had just past played centre stage to me meeting my parents in Sngapore. The last time i saw my parents was last october but i didn't have any time to actually sit down with them and actually have a decent chat about life and other things.

For a couple of weeks leading up to the holiday i was a little nervous about meeting my mum and dad. Crazy i know seeing that they are my parents and they have known me since minus nine months old but this was the first time that i had seen them outside of well...East Keilor.

Friday morning i made my way to Hong Kong airport and was counting down the minutes till my flight when all of a sudden a lady from the Hong Kong Airport pulled me aside to participate in a survey. She started this survey about five minutes before my flight and i was so pissed that i ended up at the back of the queue to get onto the plane. Besides that the flight was very nice and before i knew it i was on my way into Singapore.

When i made my way into the Pheonix Hotel my dad greeted me with a great big hug but compared to the rib crusher mum gave me a few minutes later, thre was no contest. Mum was constantly hugging me and was 'just making sure' i was really here. The weekend saw myself participate in a few tours ranging from the fantastic Night Safari to having breakfast with the oragutangs at the Singapore Zoo. Then again it was like having brekky with the extended relatives.

Whilst in Singapore i left my camera at the backpacker hosteland i had to lag my ass across town to pick it up. I also took in Superman Returns which was pretty good i think. Sure it's no 'Superman IV - The Quest for Peace' but it was great to see the man of steel bound place back on the big screen. Though Honh Kong is an exciting city in its own way, Singapore is such a vibrant, green and easy to get around that it is the best city in Asia by far.

Yet the main highlight was spending quality time with Dana and Trevor. It was brilliant to sit down with mum and dad and just talk about anything and everything (well almost everything) Spending a Sunday morning sitting in an outdoor cafe with a severe thunderstorm pelting down around us and watching the World Cup final with my dad was just fantastic.

Thanks for having me guys and i can't wait to see you again in Feburary.

JetStar Asia flight to Singapore now boarding...

The one thing i love about Hong Kong Airport is the free internet access. It's about 20 mins before boarding time.

I'm really looking forward to seeing mum and dad again. We didn't get much of a chance to spend some time together the last time i was home so i am looking forward to having a nice long chat with the both of them. I've missed that.

Anyways i'll try and keep everyone posted on here during the weekend.

Ciao for now!!

Stupid Picture of the Day

Bruce Lee is Hong Kong's idol.

Then two Aussies that look like tools come past and do something stupid like this.

Yeah..we are class all the way.

Another Day, Another iPod

Seems that i am a sucker for punishment.

Some people like whips and chains or watching any sitcom featuring Charlie Sheen but for me, i just had to get another iPod. I purchased my new iPod video yesterday.

This is number 3. Well if you count all the iPods that i got through the Apple Service centre to replace the faulty ones, i think its number 8.

I started off with the white iPod that froze its way through 4 replacement iPods. It would freeze whilst i was testing its engineering limits by undertaking extreme actions such as...walking.

My final white Ipod was stolen from me when i took it into a computer shop in Vietnam where the English guy behind the counter said he could give it back to me good as new the following morning after it shit itself and deleted all my songs.

He never came back the following morning to give it to me. I had to catch a bus that morning to a town three hours away. When i called him to find out what happened he said "Well you come back here and get it." Dirty English Bastard.

Then i purchased an iPod mini. It was a great little number until Christmas time in Thailand when i was walking along the beach and just as i walked past a rock on the water a wave crashed over the top of it and completly drenched me and thus my iPod froze.

Its replacement was another little champion that barely froze or skipped...until it fell out of my pocket on a transfer bus heading towards Kuala Lumpur International Airport. I only realised it was missing when i got home.

Well i'll be keeping an eye on this iPod like its my own baby. They are great little things and its going to be handy listening to some music during our upcoming holiday but i just hope my bad luck with the Apple Computer Company has come to an end.

What have i been doing?

Hi everyone.

Check out the links on the right hand side to find out what have i been up to this past month and a half.

From Melton to Mongkok

A great family friend Mel who I have know as long as I can remember came over a little while ago to visit Hong Kong for a week. She’s such a lovely person and Sab and I really enjoyed having her over here. Not only did I get to spend some time with her but the girls made me sit down and watch “Dirty Dancing” from start to finish.

There was a funny moment where Sab and Mel were both singing the words from one of the songs and I was on the floor just watching them watching the screen singing. I understood that this was a huge chick flick but I didn’t understand how big until I saw the reaction on their faces when Patrick Swayze says “No-one leaves Baby in the corner.” It was like they were watching it for the first time. It was a good flick but give me Predator any day of the week. I called my dad just before I watched it and he wished me well. I wish the same for any guy who has to watch that film.

We also checked out the market districts in Mong Kok and I went with Mel to Victoria Peak plus Ocean Park and Sab went with Mel to Disneyland. The biggest adventure I had with her was at the local electronics store where she purchased a surround sound system. For a couple hours she wasn’t too sure what she wanted but when she finally decided on the LG system, just getting this bastard of a box home was comedy in itself. We had this pissy little nonno trolley and the box just kept falling over and over. Before we knew it her time was up and she was on her way back home to Melton.

It was great seeing you again Mel and I’ll see you soon :)

The 13th Graduation Ceremony

This is how sadistic our lives have become. Sabrina and I have agreed that whoever dies first that the other will have to play the Rocky Horror Picture Shows “Time Warp” at the the funeral. Since mid March Sab, myself and another teacher Fiona have been practicing the “Time Warp” with a mix of students from each of our classes.

Now the Time Warp is a pretty easy dance. Jump to the left, step to the right, hands on your hips, knees in tight. Pretty simple stuff...how wrong we were. Sab and I are convinced that western kids would be able to nail the dance at a quicker speed then our kids. For two months they killed us every morning and afternoon by jumping too early or turning the wrong way. Now the sympathizers our there would say “well they are only in kindergarten” but wait, a visit by a former Brazilian soccer player recently confirmed our theory when he clearly stated in the local paper that Hong Kong kids have no co-ordination at a young age as they are only concerned about school and don’t practice enough sports.

So every morning and afternoon we jumped to the left and stepped to the right. There were about 30 kids in this dance and as the days to graduation grew closer our confidence in the kids ability was growing steadily and the three of us were looking forward to graduation. Then about 6 weeks ago our lizard of a boss Anna said that the theme of the graduation ceremony was “International.” She tells us this after we picked our song and dance and now its international? What bloody country does the Time Warp?

The first country that popped into our heads was … India.

Yes I know, the land of Roti and fanatical cricket fans has nothing to do with transsexual goth movies but hey…you gotta give us credit for not picking a country like Thailand where the boys could dress up like ladyboys and wear makeup. Actually that happens anyway in these ceremonies. The boys look like hores.

The past month the kids had hit their peak and the dance wasn’t going to get any better. So with that the school decided that they would make the costumes. When we put forward our idea of while linen pants and long white linen shirts it was casually put aside and in stepped these disgusting bright “gay Aladdin” pants and green sequined tops...that was for the boys. The girls were all dressed in gold so they looked gorgeous.

Sab, Fiona and myself decided to get into the act and join the kids on stage decked out in fully authentic Indian gear thanks to one of our kids parents. So the big day came last Wednesday and well the kids were fantastic, they barely put a foot wrong and they genuinely enjoyed being on stage. The energy from the crowd helped, especially when the three teachers came out. I don’t think the parents had seen anything like it before. We love our kids and we all had a great time jumping to the left and stepping to the right. One of my kids (his name is Long Long but he’s really short short) had a “wardrobe malfunction” and his Aladdin pants fell down a bit on stage.

All in all the audience loved it and while I was getting changed back into my shirt and tie (I was co-hosting again) I could hear the audience applause for the other acts from the Chinese kindergarten…needless to say we shit it in!

School Stuff

Outside the logistical nightmare that is the pointless graduation ceremony, school has been fine. The kids in my class are great and I am really going to miss most of them. Some fell through the cracks of my interest a long time ago but in general, the kids really have come into their own from the start of the year. I have been teaching take away recently (thank god its not algebra...just kidding…that comes when they are 6) and getting kids to use their fingers is a nightmare as the Chinese have their own system for using fingers for numbers. Example – when I ask for the number six most kids give me a hand that looks like something from the archives of “Ridgey Didge.” For the non – Australians in the crowd, its like a “cowabunga” finger gesture. Are you lost yet?

These subtle differences make teaching a nightmare sometimes but I balance it our by teaching the kids the words to the Kingsmen’s hit “Louie Louie.”

Last week Sab and i gave our kids vegemite on toast as the theme was "Healthy Food." Most of the kids liked it which was surprising and we did get some pictures but i have to get them from the school.

School has been great this week as the previously mentioned lizard of a boss Anna hasn’t been at school this week. When she isn’t there the place is great. Teachers feel relaxed and don’t have to look over their shoulders for her. Anna just has no idea how to communicate to the western teachers so she scolds the Chinese teachers instead. Three kids in my class are going to another school next year and the main reason is the parents just don’t like her.

As a parting gift I’m going to give her a parting gift of one of my books. The book is about the Fish guys at Pikes Place Market in Seattle. I’m sure most have you have heard about them. She’s on a power trip and you can’t get a straight answer out of her. One of my kids parents asked me out for dinner a couple of weeks ago so I went with my co-teacher. Sometime between the waiter taking away the poor excuse of a steak and waiting for the insipid cheesecake I thought to myself “Funny…now im the teacher instead of the student asking my teacher over for dinner.” Yes parents I still have vivid memories of roast lamb, Richard Clayderman playing on the stereo, chocolate mousse and seeing the teacher the next day. A surreal moment.

Tin Shui Wai - The Place to Be

The walls that are the apartment buildings are starting to feel like they are closing in on me. I can’t distinguish anymore downtown from Tin Shui Wai. I really need a different headspace. As nice as it is out here I can’t kick a footy as there is no space to do it. Actually the only place you can do it is the soccer pitch on the athletics track but you have to pay 150 HK dollars for an hour. I don’t swim at the pool anymore as everytime I look out the window of my room all I can see is bodies in the pool. That’s from 7.30am to 10pm, just bodies floating in the pool and most Asians look like whales when they swim. I’m no Ian Thorpe but at least I can go in a straight line.

A couple of weeks ago some of the Chinese teachers and the Western teachers went out for a seafood dinner in the neighboring village on the water. Over the other side of the pond is Shenzhen which these days has its own Eiffel Tower! I could make out the shape of it across the bay. There is a bridge that will be opening soon from Tin Shui Wai to Shenzhen and its a shame it didn’t open earlier, I would like to have seen the recently completed Shenzhen Eiffel Tower.

Also late last month was the long awaited opening of the Wetlands Park just up the road from our place. I have been waiting for this place to open since we first got here and the main reason was that they may actually have some decent food there. How wrong I was. Sab and I spent 63 minutes walking around a place that looked like any part of Melbourne before its subdivided for residential usage. Supposidly there are migrations of birds to this part of Hong Kong but we only saw 2 birds for the whole day. Add to the fact it was raining and the place was packed and well I thought it would have more then just a few little streams of fish (which was nice). Plus there was no coffee at the café!

The best thing was it took us 10 minutes to get home which included waiting for the ice cream from the Mr Softee van outside the park.

Michael Flatley plays the Flute!!

A couple of Friday nights ago Sab and I made our way down to the Hong Kong Exhibition Centre to see world renowned Irish dancer and love making machine (if you believe the stories) Michael Flatley and his new blockbuster show “Celtic Tiger.”

Having seen the shugga-dugging (my term for Irish dancing as in the sound the shoes make on the stage) only on TV I was excited to see it live. Sure it isn’t the extravaganza of “Riverdance” but the Flats man was “Lord of the Dance” in his heyday and all Sab and I wanted to see 2 hours of shugga-duggin with the Flats man going around in a Pat Cash inspired headband front and centre.

The venue was rubbish for starters. It felt as if you were watching a performance in a big shed and being the economic powerhouses that Sab and I are, we sat in the second last row. Thank God we had a big screen though it wasn’t needed as even from as far back as we were, Mickey boy was sucking the gut in and to me was definelty in his “fat Elvis” period of the career.

Here’s an interesting stat. Michael Flatley nearly spent 33 percent of his stage time (all in all about 20-25 mins out of 120) playing the flute. Now this is not what shugga-dugging is supposed to be. I didn’t spend my cash to see him play the flute! Here he was fluting away like he was playing something off an old K-Tel record where all we wanted to see was dancing. Granted there were parts of the show were the dancing was brilliant by the cast and the part where all the female dancers were wearing skimpy costumes made me lament not paying 800 bucks to get a closer view but all in all the show made no sence.

For starters its called “Celtic Tiger.” I know there were no tigers in Ireland so Sab and I thought it was a nickname for the exodus of Irish to America over the years. Nope, Flats thought that naming a new stage show after a boom in the Irish economy in the 90’s was a great idea.

Then there was the show itself. The first half of the show was basically a history is Ireland. It had great moments such as when the English came to town and burned the place up and there were moments where the girls were dressed like butterflies for whatever god forsaken reason. The second half of the show was the biggest propaganda machine I’ve seen since “Triumph of the Will” It was so American that it has no continuity from the first half of the show. There were big American flags, a stewardess stripping and ending up in an American bikini (once again...I lament) and it felt wrong. Sitting there reminded me of the time Sab and I saw the Harlem Globetrotters and thinking “I can’t wait for this to be over so we can go.”

Finally there was Flats himself. As I said he’s in his Fat Elvis period and he was barely on stage and yeah he’s got a few moves left below the hips but he just looked like an overweight boxer the way he moved around the stage. He was a real disappointment and it only made me want to go out and see “Riverdance” some time soon.

World Cup Fever!!

I’ve had too many Chicken parmas and beers this month but hey it’s the World Cup and the Aussie Pub in Wanchai has been my second home some nights. I was there for the Brazil game and the tragedy that was the Italy game. The place was packed both times and I was pumped and excited to see our boys fight it out on the world stage. One night included staying out till 6am in Wanchai watching the Italians and Americans try to kill each other.

Luckily I have been able to watch games on the internet through a program that picks up ESPN America . So some nights I’ve stayed up way way too late to watch games and hear American commentate soccer like its gridiron. When I watch soccer I want my commentators to be a little boring, not jumping around like they just got some the night before. It’s a small price to pay when you are watching games illegally online.
Hong Kong has been going nuts this past month and its great to see all the nationalities represented by the locals especially the countries of Beckham and Ronaldihno. As for all the Italians who think they are deserving of that win and the penalty kick was there, well i think that's really pathetic stuff.

In General Business

With 2 weeks to go the search continues for a new job. The Myanmar Governemt screwed Sab around a bit when it came to getting visas for us but all was settled last Friday so we are good to go to Myanmar. Taiwan is stil our best bet but Malaysia and Singapore are still on the radar but all things being equal, Taiwan will be our home for the next year. After September 07, I am going to go to Europe no matter what. I have to get there. I just need one year of saving as much as I can to so that.

Generally I’m well. The weather here is so humid that the airconditioning is on inside and its shocking outside so I’ve had the flu for about a month now.

The Dees are playing beautiful beautiful football and I’m not there to see it. Bastard!

I’ve donated some of my books to the local library and started throwing out clothes and things that I don’t need. My god has it nearly been 2 years already? Don’t worry Norwood Drive, there will be some books coming your way soon 

I’m catching up with mum and dad in Singapore this week and I cannot wait to see them again. I didn’t have a chance to sit down and have a chat with them last time I was home so I’m looking forward to this weekend having a really good chat with them. It’s been way way too long.

My brother is getting married in mid feb next year which is perfect timing as the Chinese New Year starts the day of his wedding so if we are going to Taiwan ‘ll be home for Chinese New Year next year. If not working in Taiwan, then I’ll be home at that time anyway for the pre season competition… oh yeah and the wedding as well!

Yes ladies…I’m still single.

Hey now hey now, Goodbye old Mac

I finally bit the bullet a month ago and just a few days before my warranty ran out, I was the proud owner of a new Dell Inspiron 6400 laptop. I finally got rid of my fantastic in software but pointless in hardware iBook and came back to the PC world. Everything was going great for the first two days. Then my enter key fell off my keyboard. It fell right off and onto the floor. I was in shock to say the least.

Less than 48 hours old and the bloody key fell off. I couldn’t believe my luck. Why does this happen to me? Am I not supposed to have electronics in my life? So after calling Dell they told me that if I couldn’t find the missing key then I would have to pay for a new one! I have never been so angry on the phone in my life and I couldn’t believe what they were saying. Needless to say a few words that sound like “truck” were said to the representative on the phone.

A couple of days later a tech from Dell came out to Tin Shui Wai (rather than me jumping on the bus for an hour and a half to Causeway Bay) and replaced the entire keyboard in 5 minutes. Now that’s service. Since then I have had no problems then again I didn’t have any troubles with the iBook for the first 6 months. We’ll just wait and see.

I'm back

Hi everyone, in the next couple of days ill be filling you in on everything that i have been up to in the past month.

It will be a long post!!

So long everyone

By the way, i'm now writing this on my gorgeous Dell Inspiron 6400 PC laptop :)

That's right, the Apple is no more :)

Malaysian Adventures and other stuff

I'm still here everyone :)

Sorry for the delay between messages. Honestly i couldn't be bothered sitting down and writing about the rest of our trip. It was a fantastic week and to sum it up in a couple of sentences, the island of Penang was very nice. We stayed in a hostel in Georgetown and we were the only people staying there!

Actually writing this i can't be bothered writing it. I just don't have the blog vibe today.

If you want to read about our holiday head over to Sabs Blog at spaces.msn.com/sabszone30