Back into a world i thought i left behind

A clydesdale walks into a museum..the museum staff guy says "Why the long face?"

The past two and a half years personally have been an amazing feeling. It seems professionally they counted for nothing as i have ended up a job that i thought i would never go back to again...but it's not all that bad. More on that later. It seems to most people my time away was nothing more than an extended holiday and that i somehow managed to duck and weave my way around real responsibilities in the workplace and even though i'm the first to admit that our workplaces in China and Hong Kong were not as stressful as working in Melbourne, i am getting to the point where it seems that only Sab and I can ever truely understand what we actually did overseas.

We worked full time. We worked on Saturdays sometimes. I'm sorry to shatter the illusion that most people think that we worked 5 hours a week and spent the rest of the time exploring and getting pissed. We worked to the requirements that the role expected from us. So it surprises that there is a mentality of "getting back into the real world" but it's not like that people it's a case of "getting back to a more serious world."

The past two days have seen me start training on my new job at Fosters Group. Fosters Group for those outside Australia is one of the largest beverage companies (alcoholic and non alcoholic) in the world. There is a long and proud history to this company that i am now a part of and after a couple of days on the job, it's been information overload but very positive as well. There are 6 of us training for the job which basically is taking phone orders from around Australia. I honestly thought i had turned my back on the call centre world when i left home considering it contributed to me leaving the country yet in someways i feel like i have been given a second chance. This time i will do my job, don't complain (well not as much) and just save my butt off.

Fosters thus far have treated me very well and this afternoon we actually had to go down to the brewery to get a feel of what Fosters actually do. We saw the packaging, filling and labelling of bottles and then we were lucky to try some samples from the Fosters range. I was paid to go drink! I mean that's pretty cool right. No i didn't get pissed guys as the glasses were only small but it was a chance to taste the differences between the beers.

My hours are valied from 7am to 9pm and there is some Saturday work as well. The location is just south of the city centre and the people that i am training with are very nice people. The information overload has been daunting but thats stock standard these days. Fosters looks like it could be a good place to work at and if works a good part of my life then other aspects of my life will surely benefit as well.

It's early days but it's a good start.

A Day at the Races

A day with the family. A fantastic day as well.


I had fun.

Last year when i came back home for my flying visit i attended the W.S. Cox Plate at out local racecourse Moonee Valley. Last year i went with my parents who go with friends every year and as much as i enjoyed the day and the races, i got shitfaced due to the excessive alcohol i drank to pass the time. I state again i enjoyed the day but there was no one i knew outside of my parents on the table. This year Chris and Narelle joined me and i must say i had a fantastic day. Brothers in Arms

Now Melbourne during Spring Carnival is awash with the sounds of thouroghbreds thundering over the turf, champagne bottles opening in marquee tents, the shouts of the bookies in the betting ring and the screeching of pissed chicks making their way home shoes flung over their shoulders. For 50 days Melbourne is the centre of the horse racing universe and the Cox Plate is one of the biggest races on the Racing calendar.

Now i prefer the Cox Plate to the Melbourne Cup. The Melbourne Cup is such a huge event with 24 horses staking their claim as the premier distance horse for the year, it's more than a horse race, it's actually a tapestry of what makes Australia great. For me the Cox Plate is a race of quality over quantity. Only 12-14 horses take part at a venue that would be on par with Happy Valley in Honkers in terms of atmosphere and a sence of intimacy. The race last year was an epic and this years build up was the same. I'm not really into horse racing but i was really looking forward to coming back to the valley. The day started off with free drinks whereby half a jug of beer was gone before entree was served. There were 12 people on our table and the day just flew. I actually had to place bets on a race on behalf of the whole table. There were 6 horses in the race and i couldn't even pick a result. I know i'm shit at betting on horses and today was groundhog day as my betting legacy (or lack of it) continued on it;s merry way. I didn't picka winner all day.



But that didn't worry me. Just spending time with the family as a whole was great. The alcohol situation was better than last year as i didn't throw up this time but i did have a late night pizza as tradition would dictate. The Pepper family had a wonderful time at Moonee Valley and by the looks of it we will be back in 2007. This may be the start of an enjoyable relationship with the horses.

A letter from the editior

I know in these posts there are spelling errors ranging from slight to f*cking pathetic.

Sometimes i can't be bothered to fix them.

That's all.

Forgive me Blogger for i have sinned

It's been nearly two weeks since my last blog.

Quite honestly i just haven't had the desire to sit down and write about my life. For all intensive purposes it's been all about finding work. The past two weeks have really been a dampner for me because the search for work is just sooo f*cking frustraing in Australia that in my mind i thought "There's always Topkids" but that's taking the easy way out and man didn't get to the moon by staying on earth.

Two weeks have flown pretty quickly and in that time my paranoia of being back in Melbourne has died. I'm home now and i can't runaway from that fact so i've decided to make the most of it. I'm not putting any time limits on when i'm wanting to get back out because i'm not good at keeping to deadlines plus is takes away the feeling of enjoying my time at home. My life at the moment is all about "resurrection" as my dad so correctly put it a few days ago. I have had my time in Asia and that is no behind me and it's time to move on to the next phase which is about positioning myself to make best the time here.

In order for me to do that i need a job. My finances are low and with that i applied for the Newstart Allowance to keep me going during the time of job seeking. I've applied to god knows how many places only never to hear from them and wonder what happened. I waqs rejected for a job and a chain of travel agents for whatever reason and i was so pissed i wrote back and asked why? I have customer service experience and some travel experience so after i found that out (this was about 10 days ago) i was feeling very very down.

Then out of the employment wilderness a phone call appears. It's from Hays Recruiting..yeah the agency that decided not to have a bar of me after i dropped my details off there a few weeks ago. Another lady called saying there was a customer service position at Fosters Group. Now for anyone outside Australia (possibly this relates to Kate, Candace and Martine) Fosters Group is the largest alcoholic beverage company in Australia. The position is for customer service whereby you take orders from pubs and clubs. Pretty simple stuff. So after a couple days i was asked to come to the Fosters offices for an interview. The interview went pretty well i thought considering i was pretty nervous. This job was the best lead i had had in 5 weeks and i wanted to make a good impression. Luckily one of the interviewers had just been to China which worked in my favour as a natural icebreaker. I told her the TIger Leaping Gorge story and they both laughed.

I bounded out of the interview feeling positive about my prospects. Whilst applying for more roles Hays called back saying that Fosters was "impressed" with me. I think the only other "impressive" thing i've done with my life is give th Sizzler all you can eat theory a pretty good run for its money. Then again i was about 9 years old at the time so my "impressive" list has been dry for about 16 years. Well out of this phone call i had to do an online questionaire. Actually it was a beahavioural questionaire..all 108 of them. It took over an hour and on top of that on Tuesday i had to go into the city to complete a comprehension and maths test for this job. As my dear dear Sab said when she was going for her job "Seriously, are we applying for jobs at NASA or something?" So i made my way into the offices for the exam and the lovely lady whose legs i couldn't stop looking at told me that i had 15 mins for the comprehension (which i know i've spelt wrong) exam and 20 mins for the maths exam. Well i thought i did pretty good on the compre..well that one but the maths one i said to her afterwards "I thought the Hindenburg was less of a disaster then my maths." I've never been good at it and it showed. My family isn't mathematically or scientifically trained..we all can't stand maths and i was very depressed. I thought my one chance and i blew it bigtime. On the way home i stopped by a KFC and ate a large burger meal in record time doing 100 on the freeway. Tuesday night and Wednesday i felt very depressed.

On Thursday i made my way into the city as i found a part time job doing telemarketing for the Comedy Club in Melbourne. It's better than nothing so i made my in to their offices only to be greeted by no-one. The office door was locked and i waited around for 15 mins but no-one came. I decided it was time to go and i made my way back to Flinders Street Station 40 mins after i left it. Driving home from my local trainstation i decided to get some lunch at the local supermarket at that time i received a call from Hays again telling me i was successful and that i was being offered the position. I was releived (spelt that wrong too) that the search was over and that thie first part of my resurrection had been cemented. I start work on Monday and i'm looking forward to becoming part of the real world again. I am home and i'm working for a beer company so there as worse places to be.

Why "1984" won't be like "1984"

"For god's sake! What's Mark and Sab doing at a theatre?"

It seems Tim Robbins is a pretty busy man.

Outside of his movie career and his family responsibilities, he is also co-founder of the Los Angeles acting troop known simply as "The Actors' Gang." Now Tim is a pretty versatile actor. I cheered him when he made his way through the sewerage pipe during the "Shawshank Redemption", scorned him with his portrayal as a family man-cum-terrorist in "Arlington Road" and just flat out laughed at his stupidity as 'Nuke LaLoosh" in the classic sports film "Bull Durham." He is one of ther most versatile actors of the past 25 years and his adaption of 1984 shows not only his ability to break down a complex and controversial novel but '1984' hints at his paranoia in some ways of the role of government in society today.

Sab and I went of a George Orwell fix in Thailand. We both read '1984' , 'Animal Farm' and 'Down and out in Paris and London' so it was to great surprise last week that whilst surfing the web that i came across an ad for a production at Melbourne's splendid State Theatre. With this piece of news i called Sab who was equally enthusiastic to see this fabulous work come to lifeand if Tim Robbins gotta hand in its creation then it has to be pretty good.

A splendid theatre we have here in Melbourne

Now i haven't frequented the State Theatre much in my life. I remember going there in primary school and admired the red carpets and shiny surfaces. With Sab and I being the patrons of the arts we are we ended up in the cheap seats yet it seems in this theatre even the cheap seats are great. Unlike the theatre in Hong Kong, our view of the action wasn't impeded by an airconditioning duct which made it hard to follow the subtitles whilst watching "Turandot." Still the differences in going to the theatre Melbourne style are vast compared to going to the theatre in Hong Kong. For starters in Melbourne going to the theatre is an event.

The audience dress according to their ticket price here. Seen thnat we were up the back we were dressed not too badly but we would have been out of our league had we been closer to the stage. Once again, i've taken Sab out in style. The audience doesn't bring plastic bags or dress like they have just taken the weeds out of the garden herre as well. There is more sosfistication in the audience as they are here to experience the play rather than just watch it.

The play started and the stage was a simple black affair with only 6 actors used in the production. Much like the book, the mood and look of the play was stark.The central role of Winston was performed brilliantly by P Adam Walsh who drove himself into the paranoia and fear that his role required. The supporting cast was excellent yet their performances were difficult to follow as the play wass designed for each actor to jump between characters. The real winner of the night was the story itself. Orwell's words coming to life were more than enough for Sab and I to enjoy the night and the underlying feeling of the novels spirit tying into current day American politics was at the forefront of the audiences minds.

The Actors Gang did a fantastic job of interpreting '1984' in a very minimalistic sence. It seems that they wanted the words to be the star and they were at the expence of the acting. Still '1984' is a hard book to bring to thearte life because it is so stark and large an idea that a stage will never be big enough for its full potential to be seen. The only place it can be seen in its full light is in the readers imagination.

He ain't heavy..he's my brother.

Brotherly Love. Gotta love those trakkies!

I'll always giggle whin i hear the word "Camelot" from now on but more on that later.

Last saturday was my brothers 31st birthday. Now my brother is entrenched in his suburban life and i know he is enjoying ever second of it. It took him a while but he is at a place in his life where the world is becoming his oyster. He has a lovely fiancee`, a massive house that seems that could fit an entire Woodstock concert crowd inside, a job that he enjoys and is now presidentg of the local football club. I'm really happy for him as he has been frustrated for a long time (must run in the family) and all his hard work is starting to pay off. With that i made my way over to the suburb of Taylors Hill where the land is as flat as a pancake.

It was afternoon tea for my brother this year and my grand, aunties and thier kids came over and it was a great afternoon. These are the days where i missed my family laughing around the table having coffee and ckaes whilst the kids were destroying whatever playstation game they were subjecting themselves to. Chris' birthday was the first time i had seen my two little boy cousins, Adam and Hayden since i got back and boy had they grown up. They are 13 and 10 respectivly but they still are my little mates and before i knew it i was challeging Hayden to a game of NHL 06 on the Xbox. It turned into a 4-3 win to me but that's beside the point. It was great seeing these boys again and i promised that i would sleepover at their place on friday night and watch Hayden and Adam play basketball on Saturday morning.

The afternoon tea crowd made their way home and i decided to stick around with Chris and Narelle for dinner with a few of their mates. Well throughout the night due to various circumstances only one couple came over so i was at the start of the night a 5th wheel. I had met Feathers and Andy last year at the engagemet party but couldn't remember them from a bar of soap. With a name like "Feathers" i wasn't too sure what to expect but as the night wore on and the fish and chips were destryoed i came into my own. Sure the talk earlier in the night of wedding plans between the two couples made me want to slink out of the room and drive myself home but nope. i stuck around enough to get through that informative part of the evening.

After the fish and chippies Andy (actually i'll clear this up now. "Feathers" name is Glen and Andy is short for Andrea) pulled out a board game called "Scene It" which follows in the tradition of interactive games such as "Commercial Crazies" and "Nightmare"...maggot!!!
I teamed up with Narelle and somehow managed to win the game and i enjoyed it so much that i'll have to buy it myself in the near future to play with other people. Following "Scene It" came a round of "Pictionary" and i wanted to be an architect?...i can't draw!! So when it was my turn to try and draw "Camelot" it came out something like i didn't expect.

At first i tried to draw a castle but Feathers and Chris had no idea so i thought i might go for something a little more phonetic. So i drew a penis shooting a lot of 'spunk' which for some reason i thought one of the guys may say "Came -a-lot" aaa"Camelot!"
It backfired big time and got one of the biggest laughs i had ever seen. It was such a stupid way to try and draw Camelot but thats what i came (pardon the pun) up with. Afterwards we all watched "Mean Machine" whereby Chris could test out his new stereo system and it was working beautifully. It was a lovely day that turned into a fantastic night and i'm sure Chris had a great day as well.

Happy Birthday Bro.

For once it was nice to be an "Old Boy"

My secondary education took place at an all-boys Catholic school. Well theres a story right there but from the years 1991 to 1996 i was a student at one of the highest quality schools in Melbourne and looking back i could have done so much more with my time there. It is hard going through puberty at an all boys school and i wasn't the most comfortable person at school. I always felt a sense of hopelessness with my life and i would now christen that emotion "not knowing what you want to do with your life." Towards year 11 and 12 i thought i had found what i wanted to do (an architect) and i was so focused on getting into the course than when i found out i didn't i blamed the school rather than myself..i could have done more. I didn't. I failed.


My ability to socialise with the opposite sex was curtailed and therefore developed later that what is probably considered normal. I started only in year 11 when i studied geography and tehre was a girl in the class who seemd very nice but i wasn't the most confident with women (i'm still not now when it comes to close intimate relations) so i never pursued her. Another kid in my year level became her squeeze and i just let it go. It was a conflicting time for me at high school because i knew the world was out there but i didn't know where to go.

Still for a long time after i left in 1996 i had a anger towards the school and the years i was there. I thought the school and the kids in my year level weren't nice to me (just in terms of snobbing me) and i just didn't find a real connection to a group of friends. I floated between groups in my time there and the group i ended up with in year 12 i barely speak to these days.

A week after i came home i found out about the reunion and was generally excited. In one part to see the friends i made and see what they are up to now but for the past year my feelings towards St. Bernards had changed. When i left Australia i still had a feeling towards the school of "how come you didn't make me more successful" when i was the only person to blame. I was looking forward to catching up with the guys i knew even from primary school but some of the guys i sort of knew. Last Friday night rolls around and i drove down to the schools football pavillion where it was held. About 40-45 old boys turned up and the night was just brilliant. It seemed no matter what anyone was doing with there lives it was a chance to just forget about life at the moment and enjoy the company of the boys you shared some of the craziest times with.

Sinking back pots and fiddling with finger food, i made my way around the room and caught up with blokes who are now married, have their own house or on a good wicket. I myself right now are far away from that scenario but that doesn't matter. As one guy who i spoke to said "Pep i admire what you have done and you are the only guy i'm dissapointed to keep in contact with after we left." I felt the same and i said to him "Well that's in the past" and with that so were my feelings of resentment. All the old boys got together for a pic (which i'll try and get on here) and belted out a rendidtion of the schools war cry. Before i knew it, it was midnight and time to finish up. A few of the guys kicked on but i had the car and decided to go home instead. I didn't have the cash to go out plus i honestly didn't want to spoil the night by going into a drunken stupor.

For the first time in 10 years i didn't feel resentment because i had gained something much from my time at St. Bernards. It was a feeling of pride of being an "Old Boy."

The meaning of my life

It seems that ever since i got back home i haven't felt right. I mean my body is slowly getting better after the massacre it took in Southeast Asia and Taiwan but my mind just hasn't been right. Part of it was coming back to Australia under the circumstances we did and a case of reverse culture shock, part of it was a loss of independence being back home (though my parents have been giving me a lot of room to move) but there was something else i couldn't put my finger on about why i'm in a slump.

Yesterday in bed i figured it out.

I found being overseas my life meant something. I may not have been saving the world from landmines or finding the cure for cancer but i was teaching and i did make a difference in some peoples lives during my time "away." I instantly knew thats why i feel like Melbourne is no more than a place to hide from the world because that's what i did in Melbourne. I didn't feel like i had any freedom to go out and explore. I know some may say "well you can explore Melbourne anytime" but that's not the point. The point i'm trying to make is that when i was overseas i felt momentum growing in my life. Even though i may not have been the worlds greatest teacher i enjoyed watching my kids learn and have fun and that i was responsible for that. I loved it when the class laughed when i did something silly and i loved the relationships i had with my friends overseas.

Does my life mean anything in Melbourne now? At this stage no. I'm still job searching and i'm frustrated that the process is so automated these days. Example...today i was in the city and last night i saw casual jobs for ushers at the Victorian Arts Centre. I've always enjoyed the Arts Centre though i'm the first to admit i'm not a "patron of the arts" perse`. I thought this would be a great second job to extra cash to keep me going whilst being at home. So i walked to the centre and climbed the stairs to administration only to be told that "You have to fill out the online application form" I was so pissed off that here i was standing in front of a guy in a nice suit just wanting to drop my resume in and he wouldn't accept it.

My faith in Melbourne seems to be diminishing rather rapidly and i am slipping back into a routine where i was before i left. I know i've grown and i don't want to do a lot of growing in Melbourne for a long long time. I just want to go to work, come home and do other bits and peices. I'm a very confused person right now. My life in Melbourne seems to have no direction. I was making a difference by the emails that i used to send to everyone that i know. Though to me my emails were updates about what's going on to people back at home, they supposidly made a lot of people happy so when i came back i got a lot of questions about why i stopped them (i transferred to Blogger) and are they coming back. Well if that's the only way i've made a difference overseas then in the time i want to be here, how can i make a difference at home whereby everyones eyes are on me and there is no distance between people and my actions?

I'm just a little confused about my place in the world today.

I'm Generation "Nouveau Yobbo"

I've never been one to follow trends nor start them. In fact all my life i have wondered who actually starts trends? I've always imagined that someone, somewhere is sitting on a throne with servants around them holding new fashion trends or products that they have the ability to make cool or "so 1984." Sitting in a tent that wouldn't look out of place in Persia, the "creater of cool" would reign upon high as us mere mortals look for any sign of a trend like catholics in Rome anticipate the white smoke at the Vatican when a new pope is elected.

I've never felt comfortable about being stereotyped into a "yobbo" because i've always felt more cultured than that. According to wikipeidia a yobbo's characteristics consist of " heavy drinking, possibly to the point of alcoholism, low intelligence, fashionably ignorant (usually wearing thongs/sandals and cheap t-shirts and shorts) and usually a fan of Rugby League, Australian football, Cricket or V8 Supercars. It is through conduct at these sporting activities that the term has gained connotations of hooliganism."

Now i love a drink now and then (preferably "now") i also love my footy and are quite inclined to have the fashion sence of an Andy Warhol painting but still there are parts to my DNA that have always shyed away from the traditional "yobbo" vibe. At the other end of the spectrum are the twin towers of the "metrosexual" (the trait of an urban male of any sexual orientation who has a strong aesthetic sense and spends a great amount of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle) and the "ubersexual" (It is a variant of metrosexual, in that the male is "refined", but contains more of an implication of confidence and traditional notions of manhood than the former term).

Still that didn't feel right. I'm not in the class of a Clooney or a Bono. I'm just a boy from the burbs that didn't feel the wave of anger that Generation X'ers supposidly felt because i missed the post-Vietnam War confusion. I didn't even know I was part of Generation Y but it seems i am. The MTV Generation tag can go straight to the keeper because when i was growing up MTV was on for three hours on a Saturday night on channel nine hosted by peroxide king and future host of "Keynotes" Richard Wilkins and So far the closest Generation i can be classified in is the "Boomerang Generation" whereby kids come home after uni and live for their parents for a while and the relationship between child and parents is further developed. Sure my boomerang came back a little bit later than the generally specified age span but still that didn't feel like me.

Then whilst i was back in Hong Kong for the Grand Finale it hit me... I am "nouveau yobbo."

"Noveau Yobbo" represents an evolution of the Australian male who still loves his yobbo roots but isn't covered in tattoos of Peter Brock or roses ambushed by thorns. I love AC/DC and Midnight Oil but i also enjoy other musical stylings such as Crowded House, Missy Higgins and Franz Ferdinand to name a few. I love a drink but i enjoy all types of beers from all over the world and not just from Australia or Victoria. I feel that "nouveau yobbo" is a refined Aussie male who not only can have a great chinwag about footy but at least has a basic idea of the world around them.

The race riots in Sydney a few months ago really pissed me off seeing bearded, sunburnt pissed Aussie guy and girls saying "get back to your country" whilst chanting "Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi" and being fuelled by Bundy and Coke. It questioned my place in this country a lot and made me look inward and ask myself.."how can i define who i am?" After a few months of this question popping in and out of my head the answer came to me in Hong Kong. I know i'm more advanced than most yobbos out there but i'm not degrading them at all, i'm just not like you guys. I don't like tattoos or utes.

Basically a "Nouveau Yobbo" is someone who:

- Has grown up in Australia yet has experienced life over seas. No Contiki tours don't count.
- Who loves everything Australian yet understands there is more to Planet Earth than Australia.
-Who enjoys a drink with his mates but can appreciate beers, wines and spirits from overseas. You cannot try one Budweiser and say you are "nouveau" it has to be at least a 50% Aussie Beer to 50% Foreign Beer. Wines and Sprits are part of the "nouveau" experience.
- Enjoy your sports but don't go so far to decorate your house, wardrobe and body with reminders of your club or its colours.
- You love your family but you cannot use names such as Harley or Caleb but names like Jack or Sam are acceptable.
-You can hold a conversation about most topics in the world and you have a good idea of current news events. No you cannot use "Hey did ya know that such and such is drivin for Ford next year" as an example
- You read books and not just the Trading Post, People and Inside Football.
-You love a Chicken Parma but can appreciate foods from around the world and no a lamb kebab after getting shitfaced at the local pub doesn't constitute the be all and end all of food from around the world.
-Your beer gut is on its way out but the "bling" and "eye cream" aren't on the way in.
-Your dress sence still has a bit of style but you never wear Armani unless you are at a wedding or at the races.

That's just some of the ideas i have about "nouveau yobbo"

I like them.

Why Die?

Contoversial yet inspiring, haven't put this book down yet

"Why Die" is the name of a book i am currently reading about a controversial Australian athletics coach called Percy Cerruty whose controversial methods and outspoken opinions made him an enigma to the atletics community. Now Percy wasn't the fittest man in the world. In fact he was given two years to live when he was 44 years old. Coupled with a complete mental breakdown he radically changed his life by leaping head first into a strict and obsessive recovery that when completed two yeas later he became a media sensation by perfoming various distance running races and beating younger competitors.

Now reading this you may think "what's this got to do with you?" well i have been reading his book today and was totally fascinated by his life story. Even though my weight has fluctuated more than the price of oil over the past couple years i'm fired up to really get stuck into some training. I ventured down to the local gym whereby the stereotype of tank tops and gym freaks is on display. Considering the only was i could get there was on my old mountain bike that i thought i would never ride again, i felt that i really didn't feel 27 but 14 years old.

The trainer, Vito is a really enthusiastic guy and even if he is small in stature, his energy level would give some dodgy Russian nuclear power plants a run for its money. We went through each of the exercises and the proper way to do the reps. Whilst he was explaining the proper technique for a fly rep i looked around the gym and saw a cross section of gym culture in 360 degree beauty. The girl who flaunts her curves for the boys, the boys in singlets with arms that are too small for their ego, the middle aged Addidas tracksuit wearing dad who is straining himself to fight against the sands of time and the mums cycling away talking to each other in a way that their fitness seems to be an after affect from constant talking about their kids latest accomplishments.

I used to go to this gym before i left but i wasn't excited to go there. I felt shit and my motivation was more to just get out of the house and look like i gave a shit about my body for an hour before i went back home and drank two cans of Coke with dinner. I was working beautifully in Tin Shui Wai. In fact this time last year i was about 8 kilos lighter and was feeling full of energy. Since April my energy levels have started to slow but now it's time to kick myself in the ass and not go back to the ways i did before i left Australia.

I know i won't but fitness isn't exactly my strong suit nor is sticking to routine, so this time around i'm taking the "baby steps" approach to fitness. I'm not going to go to the gym looking for a quick fix but wanting to lay the long over due foundations for a healthy life because at the current rate of my health level i shouldn't feel as lazy as i am.

I purchased this book three years ago because i liked the title. Now i'm reading it because i' don't want to.

Getting older...it's not all that bad.

The Peppers circa 1981. I had blonde hair!!

My family unit has been a pretty tight bunch. We've always had each other to talk to and rely upon each other in times of uncertainty. My parents unwaving suppport of me being away from home was a major plus for me in my time in Asia. The reason i'm talking about this is that the family dynamic of the Peppers has shifted dramatically.

My brother is now established in his life with the lovely Narelle and my parents were settling into the survey bracket known as "empty nesters" then due to the disaster of Taiwan here i am crashing like an Australian Dupree. The four Peppers were happy in the way their lives were going but now i would say three of us are happy as i'm slowly getting familiarity taking over my feelings of reverse culture shock.

Yesterday was the first day i didn't feel freaked out by being back at home. I spent 6 hours fixing up my poor excuse of a resume and now it has 40% more shite in it. It looks a lot more professional and i should have a job by the end of next week, i hope i do as i found out my 10 year high school reuniion is coming up. I finally have a set of wheels to get around town on..thats right on...not in. My brothers old mountain bike.

My brother on Monday night was elected president of the East Keilor Football Club. It was something that i thought would never happen. So when he called with the news i was shocked. I know he has the talent to do but the confidence part was the big minus in his corner but i think it will be fantasstic experience for him and a money saver on the club as we all hope he takes more time trying to get success off the field rather than getting injured on it. So i'm thinking that makes Narelle the First Lady of East Keilor.

Yesterday i went to the gym for a physical assessment. It was the first time since Honkers that i made my way gym side and the guy who assesed me...Vito kept talking about A-League soccer. Now i haven't been to a match since it started last year but from what i have heard it's a pretty amazing atmosphere. My assessment came back with my height being 174cm, my weight being 87 kilos (i'm guessing this time last year i was 78-80) and my body fat at 27. The range i should be in is 12-21 so Vito is going to design a program for me and i find out the details of it monday.

Still home is starting to feel like home again.

September in Melbourne

Pies, Scarves, Footy and Beer - Yep it's Grand Final Time!!

Considering my last couple of posts have been on the negative side, there actually have been a couple of more positive moments in the now 2 weeks i've been home. For anyone that doesn't know Melbourne is the sporting capital of the universe. Anyone who tries to tell me otherwise will be getting a tsunami of sporting events this city holds back in their face.

Last Monday night was Brownlow Medal night. For anyone outside of this country, the Brownlow Medal is the highest individual honour in Australian Rules Football. Our family had some friends of the family over that i hadn't seen since i got back so it was wonderful to catch up with them. One of the major features of "Brownlow Night" is to sit and listen to the C.E.O of the A.F.L. to read out the votes for each of the 168 games played that year. For anyone that isn't passionate about AFL, it would seem that the guy was reading out numbers from the dewey decimal system. So instead of "T. Richards 1 Vote, R.Robertson 2 Votes, T. Barker 3 votes" after 14 rounds it may start to sound like "Ancient Indian History 687.98 Olympic Games 796.48."

This year the deciding votes came to the last round where by Sydney's Adam Goodes outvoted crowd favourite Scott West by three votes. I'm sure this sentence means nothing to most people reading this. Due to the popularity of this site this comment may only affect Candace and Kate.

Last Saturday, Sab came over to watch the Grand Final. It was lovely to see her again as it is starting to feel a bit wierd not seeing her everyday. We had a little chat about life which included a lot of shrugging and grunts but we are trying to make the most of it. Sab is feeling the same and with only her mum trying to comprehend whats going on in her head, she isn't exactly settling in as well as she thought she could. Still that wouldn't dampen the spirits as i received a gift saturday morning. Dad "No. 2" Mick came with 12 bottles of...Beerlao!!!

Yeah it seems that Reshelle (the yougest daughter) has a squeeze who works at a bottle shop. I'd only met him for the first time on Monday night and hes a genuine good bloke so to my surprise i had Beerlao to drinnk with the game. sab was so excited that she nearly drank one bottle by herself! The game was a cliffhanger and it was an amazing afternoon.

Teddy in front of the Show's landmark - A Pie in the Sky

Also during last week, I ventured down to the Royal Melbourne Show. It's been a long time since i went down to the "Show" to soak up the smell of cow shit and buttered popcorn. I made my way down thanks to "mum no. 2" Bev. You see, Bev has 3 daughters and I have my brother. During the 80's Chris and their middle daughter Shona were in primary school together and became freinds. Yep even back then he was turning on the charm. So with that the familes became close and now i have three "sisters" and Bev has two "sons." Anyways i made my way down to the Show with Bev to meet her youngest daughter Rechelle and her squeeze, Dave.

When i was a kid i used to go down with Dad and Chris usually after Dad slaved his way through another day at work only to be met at home by two eager kids wanting their dad to drag them in the back of the Mitsubishi Magna and wrap them up in their duffle coats. The only reason i wanted to go to the show every year was for the Bridgestone Precision Driving Team and the fireworks. Chris liked the rides where i just preferred to be part of the crowd.

Markey and Shell doing what they do best - destroying food.

I met up with my Aunty Di who works at the show. It was the first time i saw her and it was lovely to see her. We had a bit of a chat and she showed me around the new offices of the showgrounds. In fact the whole place has changed. It's more open and even though the size of the place is smaller you feel a lot more comfortable being in the crowd of kiddies clutching Cadbury Showbags and teenagers finally getting away from their parents and allowed to hang out by themselves.

By the way in the above picture, i'm eating a roast lamb roll.Ohh it was sooo goood!!

The great thing about Melbourne this time of year is that the events just keep on coming. After the football, the Spring Racing Carnival takes over and that's madness. For the past few years our house has hosted a Melbourne Cup Day which according to my parents has grown bigger and better since i left. Then the crickets in town so Chris and I will be heading to the MCG on Boxing Day for the Ashes rematch between Australia and "Ingerland." Add to the fact the Australian Open Tennis starts in Jan and we also have the A-League soccer as well, it seems sports will comfort me whilst being back in Melbourne.

I like that.

Everybody wants to work.

The "Uncanny X-Men" sang a song that seems to fit my life right now. I can't defend the pink and white striped t-shirt though. It was the 80's.

Na na not me!!

Recruiting Agencies must be sitting back and having a big old laugh. It seems that the days of just reading the paper and calling someone at the company that advertised the job is too much of an effort these days. Now you have to jump online and be greeted by a faceless website and then if...and I mean if you are lucky you will hear back from a lady usually called Sally or Janelle from XYZ Recruitment about a position that you applied for three weeks ago.

I’m bitterly jaded when it comes to applying for work in Australia. I came back with fire in my belly wanting to get to work straight away and with the constant riniging in my ears about how Australias job rate is at an all time low but the feeling of an all time low is swinging in my direction. It seems Australia has embraced the internet so much that any face-to-face conversation in the employment world takes too much time these days. I'm also angry because even though i might not be the best applicant for jobs, just get me in a room with someone and i'll try my darndest to sweep them off their feet and try to make them think i actually care about a career in the pertrochemical industry.

It's an industry that feeds on lies and slight of hand tricks on your resume. Rather than saying i was a "kindergarten teacher" and tell the truth, i've written "educational trainer" instead. This kind of crap makes me sick. I was happy in Hong Kong and when i said i was a "kindergarten teacher" there wasn't any reason to hide behind some wanky terminology.

It seems telling the truth of what i did won't cut it in the job market here.

The last of the analog generation

I thought this would be a great name for a book I would probably not write in the future about my time and place on this planet. This all came about when I was at my local shopping centre, Highpoint. The last time I walked into the behemoth that is the centre it was under renovations to make the centre larger. So last Thursday rolls around and being school holidays the place is jammed packed which contributes to a feeling of paranoia and lack of space set in. Unlike Hong Kong where I could be both lost in the crowd and part of a larger following of activity at the same time, this time around I felt out of place and out of step. Stores I didn’t recognize selling products I had no idea existed. Music stores blasted out songs from artists who were born when I started high school whilst teenage kids walked around in designer ugg boots.

I remember coming here as a child and being overwhelmed by the smell of the fish market which these days is currently the site of a café that tries its hardest to be the most happening place in Melbourne north west. Flakes and lobsters have been replaced by lattes and bruschettas and I don’t like it. I have outgrown this centre that gave me my first job and my shortest job as well. The shortest job lasted about three hours. It was actually a tryout to be a commentator for toy camel races. Much like the wardrobe I had to wear, the job just didn’t feel right. I’m too old for Highpoint and I got out of there as soon as I could.

I’m 27 and I came from a generation that seems to have been the last of the “traditional” way of life. A time where the church was still held in some esteem; where the feeling of community was winning the battle against a society becoming more individualistic. I was raised with the belief that your life moves forward and you gather momentum with your life experiences along the way. The feeling of going backwards was starting to hit me and being at the shopping centre was one way of reminding me that what I thought my life would be for the next year is no where near what reality is putting in front of my face right now.

I didn’t like it one bit because I felt that the last 2 ½ years have been for nothing where I know deep down in my soul that there is something bigger in the world. As much as I love my family, I’ve lost the feeling of freedom the most and that is what’s making me agitated being back at home. I was getting into the stride that was comfortable for my life and now I’ve had to pull into the pits and have a “stop-go penalty” of one year due to the disastrous events of Taiwan and it pisses me off. That feeling will change in the fullness of time.

This is Australia

Home Sweet Home...yet home has changed for me.

As Vietnamese Airlines Flight 856 landed in Melbourne I had a feeling of coming back to a place where I knew I could be the master of my life rather than the ‘city’ becoming the master of me. Yet before I could address that situation Sab and I had one last hurdle to get over, Australian Customs. Now us Aussies are pretty stingy when it comes to bringing back souviners from overseas. I was afraid for a little while because I wasn’t sure that I would have to declare my fantastic little Cambodian Cow Bell. That was a non-issue as the major concern was the over 300 DVD’s I had stashed in my bag. I threw away clothes so I could fit the movies in there. They were my lifeblood (as they were Sabs) for our time in Asia so we took a chance rather than leave them in our boxes as we knew that if they were left in the boxes, they wouldn’t have made it past the Customs officers at the docks.

I was lucky enough to be waived through but Sab wasn’t so lucky. After taking out three of her 80 CD holders that had most of her DVD’s the Customs guy let her off with a “severe warning” as she had “an unusually high number of DVD’s.” I think Sab would have jumped over the counter and smacked the Customs guy senseless with her illegal copies of ‘Seinfeld.’ Sab also helped me purchased some grog and smokes for my family as the amount needed was more that I could legally bring into the country. Thanks Sab!

The re union with the parents was fantastic to say the least. My feeling of coming home was now complete and with this happiness I found myself back at Norwood Drive in my old room feeling a sense of nostalgia. I was back in the room where I grew up and I have come back a different person. I know deep down that even though the stay here is temporary, I don’t want to get too attached to life here because I honestly don’t want to get sucked in by my surroundings. I did that after university and I felt trapped by East Keilor and I don’t want it to happen again.

Throughout the day I visited my Gran and thanks to dads driving we drove through Footscray and Newport listening to the best of the Bee Gees CD. Two old industrial suburbs which these days look nothing like the days before I left. On the way back from Gran’s I told dad that I had to purchase some adapters for my laptop and phone. After driving along we eventually ended up at an electrical superstore. Dad waited in the car whilst I popped inside and somehow came across a face from my past.

I was in an aisle just browsing for the cheapest adapters when a voice floated over the USB Ports before I turned around to see that face...the face of the man who sold me my Apple iBook three years ago. Of all the computer departments in all the electrical superstores in all of Melbourne…I walked into his.

Taiwan - The Final Installement

101 Floors. 509 meters tall. Not as good as Petronas Towers though

Halfway to Taipei, Sab pulled out the camera and asked me to explain why we were actually on the train. 15 minutes later I had finished my monologue and really looking forward to leaving this country that had given us nothing but trouble. 4 hours after we left Tainan we arrived in Taipei to find ourselves rooming at a shitty hostel which was located at the end of an alleyway in downtown Taipei. The place was downright shocking. even for us and we have stayed in some pretty shitty places before. The clients living at this place were actually living there. The shortest stayer had been there two months. Sure it was cheap but it’s not exactly conducive to a home environment what with the pissed American and the stoned Canadian residing there as well.

The next morning Sab woke me up by pointing to an adjoining bed where a bony white guy was meditating. He didn’t move an inch for an hour as Sab and I just looked and pointed at him in amazement. WE got ready and headed down to the worlds tallest building. Taipei 101 is difficult to find. Sure it’s the world’s tallest building but with the concrete landscape that is Taipei it is very easy to find yourself lost in the canyons that are the streets of this mega city. We eventually found it and on first impression it wasn’t as impressive as the Petronas Towers. Now they were amazing but this tower seemed to have no purpose other than national pride. I liked it and went for a look on the outside observatory 390 meters above the ground but all I could really see was smog.

Later that day we secured flights for 8am the next morning but seen that the airport is 5okm out of the city, we weren’t prepared to stay another night at the hotel. We decided to find a place closer to the airport but with prices for a room going for about 80 Aussie dollars for the night it was way way out of our range…so we slept on the departure hall floor that night. When I say we I mean me. We were so desperate to leave this hellhole that one night sleeping on a cold cold floor at an airport was justice enough considering the events of the previous days.

I’ve never felt so excited to be going back to Hong Kong. My second home

Taiwan - Part Three

Shame we couldn't say the same about the company

Lonely Planet should tell you in its Taiwan guide “if you are planning to work in Taiwan there are only two things you need to take over for a memorable experience. These two things are your passport and some lubricant as I’m sure there will be a time where you’ll have to drop the strides and take one in the name of TESOL Education.”

We just got buttf*cked big time. Talk about a disaster, this may be in bad taste but Sab and I just had our “9/11.” Steve, the chimney smoking yet jovial guide who took us on a tour of Southern Taiwan called us the night before to say that he was picking us up at 11am. So I packed my bags and bid farewell to my little love palace that served as my short yet memorable abode for the past 4 nights. By the way I must say to everyone what I said to Sab, Asian porn stars need to get the Flymo out and trim the private bits as it looks like an overgrown forest down there and not conducive to erotic visual experiences. The stench of cigarette smoke still filled the air as Steve drove Sab and I to a local railway station where he guided us to the ticket window and told us to ask a passenger to tell us when we reached Tainan station. This was not the way a company should greet new employees but we were on their turf so we had to play by their rules.

We were sitting on a suburban train going to a city where no-one was going to pick us but we managed to find our way to a local taxi who took us to Sesame Language School. The school itself was a very “North American-esque” type of facility but that didn’t deter us from working there. We arrived at the school at 12.30 and we found out that our “appointment” with our new head teacher Angela wasn’t until 2. So why were we an hour and a half early? Either way this and sitting on a broken chair and falling straight on my ass was slowly turning the tide of my enthusiasm of being in Taiwan. The only highlight so far was actually getting to a baseball batting cage and having a good swing. It was a lot of fun and due to the major American influence in Taiwan, it was something I was looking forward to participating in on a regular basis.

Sab and I decided to go for a walk where once again we got completely lost. Typical. Then again whilst we were walking down a lane way everything was going fine and then…BANG!! My elbow was really really sore which was due to the silver SUV slamming his side mirror into my funny bone. It freaking hurt! Sab was freaked out by the noise of elbow on car and the stupidity of Asian drivers. They really are that bad. With all this happening even my resolve was being tested. We somehow made our way back to the school (our mobiles were in our bags back at the school) whereby we were greeted by a fellow staff member at the school who plonked two pieces of paper down in front of us. These were our teaching schedules.

We hadn’t talked about contracts, hours, teaching, visas, accommodation…anything and we had to teach at 4.30pm the same day? This was totally unacceptable and when four thick text books were out in front of us the calamity of the situation was taken to greater heights. This was the icing on the cake. Eventually Angela came in and tried to explain to us how the schedule works in the quickest time possible but when we asked more specific questions about how to teach the material the only answer we got was “well you two have experience.” Experience counts for nothing when you start a new job so with that after Angela walked away and let us get on with the task of preparing for our lesson, Sab just looked at me and said as deadpan as possible “Mark if you want to go back just say the word.” For a brief second I thought of Japan but it’s too expensive. I thought of Hong Kong but we had our time there which left home and the only response I gave Sab was “I don’t have my credit card.” “That doesn’t matter if you want to go let’s go.” “O.K. Let’s go.”

Our unbiased view of Tainan an hour after we arrived.

A weight had been lifted off our shoulders and we were genuinely excited about going home. I know we shouldn’t be but deep down inside us I think we were yearning for familiarities of home and not the strangeness of Southern Taiwan. Our minds were made up and I called dad at his work. Sab called her brother and by 3.15 that afternoon, we had said farewell to Tainan and on our way to the capital…Taipei.

Taiwan - Part Two

Considering I am writing this two weeks after it happened, I’ll try and keep the narrative as close to the actual events as possible.

After the disaster of yesterdays “scooter-gate” as it will be referred to from now on, I knew that I would have to go back on the horse and get a feel for this bike. So while Sab kept far, far away from the damn machine, I hopped back on with a clear goal of gaining more practice in the art of Taiwanese scooter riding. I found out early that like the day before, it didn’t matter what rules you broke, as long as you arrived at your destination alive then your trip has been successful. I told Sab that I would be about 45 minutes, it actually turned into an hour and a half as I got lost again.

It wasn’t too bad though. I learned how to run red lights and turn left like a local. Rather than waiting for the light to turn green and then turn left, the locals here cross the pedestrian crossing to the right hand side of the road then wait for the light to turn green so the actual distance of the turn was less. Considering the day before I wasn’t too keen on left turns (remember they drive on the “wrong” or “American” side of the road) so I would actually do three right turns to get on the street I wanted to go to…chicken you say? You try learning to ride a scooted in the second busiest city in Taiwan then give me a bell. One things fore sure 60 on a scooter feels about three times as fast as it does in a car.

Sure the scooters flying past me were doing at least 70 whilst I was sputtering along at 50 at times but with the feeling of no protection came the sensation of added danger and the feeling of speed. Even though it was only my second time on a scooter I was starting to enjoy it. I won’t be going anywhere near a powerful bike soon as the memory of one of my distant cousins slamming head first after stacking of a 50cc scooter into a barb wire fence and requiring 70 stitches when I was about 6 or 7 years old on my cousins farm was still fresh in my mind. My cousin was about 8 I think…bloody Shafters!

I may my way back via McDonalds and I’m getting sick and tired of eating this stuff but there is no where else except Subway where I know the quality of the food. Sure I was in Taiwan and like their mainland counterparts are able to eat anything. It was this theory of Taiwanese cooking that kept me away from the restaurants plus I was getting depressed.

Saturday was a carbon copy of Friday. Wake up to a dark room which ruined my body clock, see what’s on tv...have a squizz at the porn channels, shower, subway, scooter, internet, bed, more porn and BBC World and bed. Though later on Saturday night Sab and I made my way to the Lighthouse Bar and Grill where we had a nice time eating great pub food and watching Liverpool lose to a fired up Everton and I was actually enjoying being at this bar seeing a few expats around and hoping that in Tainan we would be able to find our own little bar and meet with the guys and gals for a few quiet ales and swap war stories of our kids. I’m looking forward to that.

Sunday was a carbon copy of Saturday except we watched the Italian Grand Prix at the Lighthouse Grill. Couldn’t be bothered exploring the city because I did it by mistake via getting completely lost on a scooter. I went to bed that night wondering what Monday would reveal to us as Sab and I were going to visit our new workplace…Sesame English School.

Taiwan - The story so far

I thought scootering was like this...boy was i wrong!

Taiwan has been one big head spin so far.

Actually to be honest our time so far has been one big mind-shag. It has felt like the forces of doom have dressed up in its sexiest night clothes and taken my cranium for an almighty rogering.

It's Saturday afternoon here in Kaohsiung and i'm listening to AFL Finals Football and its come as a welcome relief. It all started Wednesday night when Sab and I landed Taiwan side a little tired but looking forward to getting settled into a year of hard work and fun. I was in the country for 5 minutes when the lady at passport control had a good look at my passport. You see, China and Taiwan aren't the best of friends. China considers Taiwan as a "renegade province of China" where as Taiwan wants to be a democratic country in its own right. With this business going on and with my previous workplaces being in China and Hong Kong, i could understand the look on the passport ladies face when she asked me "Have you been to China?" Even though i have 7 Chinese visas in my passport i stumbled an answer of "Yeah i was there a couple of years ago" which i'm sure didn't convince the lady behind the counter.

After picking up our luggage we were greeted by Steven who is our guide around town and representative. He's a pretty easy going guy who treated us to the best accomdation the town has to offer. The smell of nicotine filled the minivan as we pulled up out the front of our hotel. Taiwan has no English signs on the street so its Dalian all over again. The hotel rooms that Sab and I are staying in have been tailored to a specific market. The pinkinsh red carpet, large double bed, no windows, small bathroom and 3 hardcore adult movie channels on the TV made Sab and i come to the conclusion that our accomodation is actually a "love hotel." Sure the sight of Japanese girls and boys on the job after a while gets a bit boring but it was just the first of a series of adventures.

Thursday morning after a very good sleep in a very copmfortable bed, it was time to look at our schools that were shortlisted for us. there were four schools in the area that each had two positions avaliable so what we thought was four different schools under the same compnay name in the one city actually turned out to be something completly different. With steven smoking like a chimney already at 9am we made our way to the city of Tainan which is 30 mins north of Kaohsiung to a school called "Sesame." The school was actually a lot bigger than we thought it would be and it looked very nice. There was an actual office where there were actual adult sized desks to work on unlike Topkids in Tin Shui Wai where we had to use the kids desks to do our work. With another three schools to see it was time to travel a further hour north to a city which is home to the most beautiful kindergarten i have ever seen. It was more like a hotel for the kids rather than an educational facility and the principal was a really nice lady. Actually she was very helpful and really wanted us to start work there but the place was just "too American" for us. It was the best kindergarten in the area and the principal asked us to read a book to one of the classes in North American accent. I tried but it just didn't feel right. The school didn't feel right so on the way back to Tainan i asked Sab "straight throught to the keeper?" She agreed.

By the way..who the hell is Johnny Appleseed?

Back in the minivan and it was off to another school in some part of the country. By this time the rains were really coming down so all the windows were up yet Steven continued to smoke which really cheesed me off. I didn't say anything as while we were driving in the rain Steve was telling us about the different schools and Sab and I were leaning towards "Sesame" yet there were two more schools. We eventually made it to the front of another school which looked like a carbon copy of the language schoolwe worked at in Dalian. The english teachers there all had poxy Yankee accents even though some were from Australia and had only been there nine months. I'm not American and even though the United States is a major influence island side, i'm not prepared to let go of my accent, i'm too proud and stubborn in that respect. Hearing a guy from Brisbane talk like a hybrid Greg Norman didn't sit well with me.

We skipped the last school as by that time Sab and I decided that we are going to work at Sesame in Tainan. We met our new head teacher who was very nice and said that the school would help with our visas and finding a place to stay plus other stuff. We made our way back to our love hotel and after watching a bit of TV it was time for bed and the adventure that Friday would have in store for us.

Aftere a very nice sleep in it was time to get a new phonecard as the one i purchased yesterday wouldnt allow me to make calls or send messages. It was concluded that my Motorola phone i have had for a year somehow got water damage during the holiday even though i had never ever used it in two months. I was pissed as this phone was a year old and i had to buy a cheap second hand phone whilst they tried to fix it. It seems i have no luck with technology. Even with a brand new Dell laptop i had read that there was a product reacall of laptop batteries (which included my model) as the batteries may explode. First my iBook and now my Dell. I have no luck and maybe i should stick with smoke signals.


get on a scooter. Having travelled all around Southeast Asia we have had plenty of chances to get accustomed to the world of scootering but we never took the chance. As we found out the night before when we met our teacher, our initial job will be teaching English classes to kids at campuses around Tainan and the best and so far, only way to get around is by scooter so we had no choice but to get on and try it. It as time to jump on our chopper..a 50cc hell raising machine. i jumped on first and seeing it was the first time ever on a motorbike i accidentally hit the gas when i was trying to reverse back and the bike went straight into another scooter and i nearly went head first into a van! There's a scene in the film "American Graffiti" where Terry the Toad slams his scooter into another Vespa. It looked exactly like that.

Then i took it for a spin around the block and sort of got the hang of it. I got off and Sab had a little go outside the front of the building where Steven works at. The scooted was running off vapous so we had to try and find a petrol station. We eventually found one and filled it up and then it was time to battle the traffic again and find a quiet place for Sab to practise. We found a small area of streets that had no traffic so Sab went to the task at hand. She rode off to the end of the street and went around the block. Just as she was coming back to the place where i was standing i head a yelp from around the corner. I walked up the street a bit only to see Sab coming toward me pushing the scooter. She looked in shock as she told me as she was coming around the second to last corner, she hit the gas instead of the brake and hit a parked car.

She had a small cut on her leg but the worst part was her leg had somehow snapped the key and the bottom half of the key was jammed in the ignition. We couldnt call anyone as the only way to lift the seat to get to our phones was by turning the key in the ignition switch. We were stuck in some part of the city with no one who could speak English. Every street looked the same and we can't speak Mandarin even though with the time we had spent in China. Eventually we pushed our bie past a repair shop who said it would take 1000NT dollars to fix. Considering we rented the bike for a month for 2000NT it was a bit too much. We pushed again until we came across a guy who tried to fix it with a pair of pliers, something i tried to do when it first happened. Somehow there was a large toolbox at a chemist two doors down from where the accident happened. I thought with my limited experience i could som,ehow pull the key out or at least turn it so we could access our phones...but to no avail.

The plies guy pulled the front of the bike cover off, cut the cord from the ignition system ant hotwired the bike so it would start. He then told us to follow him to a repair shop. WE had to pay 650NT for a new ignition system and keys but the bike was fixed. it was given a mini service as well and "plier guy" gave us his details in case we have more trouble which was very nice of him. We were back on our way then we were completley lost. With traffic everywhere and only 30 mins experience on a bike, we were both clueless about what to do. Sab has since stated on her blog that she was more frightened on the back of the scooter then kyacking. We travelled around the city for an hour trying to find a landmark or a building to point us the way home. During this time we nearly had a head on accident as we were going straight through an intersection and a guy turning left from the opposite direction turned left and decided to stop right in front of me. I swerved just in time otherwise we would have flipped over the bike. The scootering here is a combination of "Roman Holiday" meets "Mad Max 2."

the sky was getting darker and the rain started to fall as we somehow found a bulding which we knew was only two blocks from our hotl. We eventually made it back and Sab will not get on a scooter anytime soon. Last night i went to the internet cafe and trid to update the blog but my computer was playing up but i gave up. This morning i went for another run around town and thought it would take about 45 minutes. It took an hour and a half which was both good and bad. I got straight back into the traffic and getting into the nitty-gritty of scootering Taiwan style. The saving grace is that even though its a crazy way to travel, Tainan is a smaller city so i'm hoping that it will be easier to get around.

Thats about it for now. It's been a roller coaster so far so hopefully after we get settled in it will be a lot better because so far its been far from impressive.

So overall...how was it?

Amazing.

The places we have been to have ranged from spectacular to the downright "yeah not bad." Cambodia certainly has its charm and the people are by far the friendliest i've ever met. In fact by the time we got back to Phenom Penh and to our guest house we stayed at before leaving Shnooksville i was greeted by the grandmother of the guest house who in a what i can only put down to a sence of nostalgia went straight for a grope on my boobs...again.

This time around i wasn't as shocked as the grandma is a really nice , sweet old lady. Sab had a bloody good laugh though and the feeling of coming to the end of an amazing 2 months in Southeast Asia.

The feeling of starting a new adventure in Taiwan was fast approaching and i'm sure that it has something in store for us.

From the Capital to the Coast..we've got it all!

Great Mates, Great Weather...Serendipity Beach.

It seems that my mind and my sun burnt body have different thresholds to the untraviolet rays in our atmosphere. Even though i went for a swim in the most beautiful water i have had the pleasure to go dog-paddling in, even though i applied sunscreen to every part of my body and even though we were only at the beach for about three hours, i still got burnt and i'm shitty about it.

But more on that later.

The day after our depressing visits to the Killing Fields and S-21 prison, Sab and i decided that we would take the day to explore Sean Penn (sorry- that's our codeword for Phenom Penh) which was a futile task because every 10 seconds up comes a guy on a bike offering you his services. The simple pleasure of getting lost in the capital of Cambodia is non-existent due to the locals desire to take you anywhere and everywhere even though all you want is just to walk around at your own pace.

Our day started with a tuk-tuk ride to the National Museum and as lovely as the actuall museum building is, the inside was filled with ancient Khmer artifacts and various other centuries of Bhudda statues and little wooden rectangular boxes. Now i didn't mind this unlike Sab who thought otherwise. I would say the museum was nice to look at but not a must see unless you really like artifacts. The Royal Palace was not due to open until 2.30 in the afternoon so as a result we actually walked a few blocks to visit the Independence Monument (as in Independence from France in 1958) which lasted about 2 minutes as we took the now-stardard photo with Teddy Richards and had a bit of a look at it. As we made our way down to the riverside to find a place to sit and have a nice cold drink we came across another illegal DVD centre.

Sab has been looking for a British TV series called "Coupling." It's quite a funny show as evidence one night back in Tin Shui Wai where i thought i could get an early sunday night sleep but was kept awake by Sab's Betty Rubble-esque giggling at this TV show she stumbled across late that night. I couldn't get to sleep so i joined her and started laughing as well. Anyway with that little backstory you would think that she had found this little gem she had been looking for all over Asia but she hadn't. Sorry to get your hopes up.

The store did have a copy of Jean Claude van Damme's debut movie "Bloodsport" which had to be purchased for a time where i could relax when Sab is out of the house and i can watch some good old fashioned movie violence. It times like that you can really appreciate the depth to Van Dammes acting. Following more walking we ended up at a pretty schmick cafe where we just let the air conditioning work its magic. A couple more DVD stores followed (we can't go past one without having a look) and we pretty much followed our aim of bumming around the capital on foot.

Later in the evening we decided to get some dinner we were harassed (to put it nicely) by another of the kiddie street sellers whose offerings range from books you already have to books that you don't really want. This particular kid was so persistent yet charming in his tween type of way that we invited him for dinner and we gave him a couple peices of pizza. The one thing that i could offer him was my long awaited for MOTOR magazine (that's an Aussie Car Mag that i found in a bookstore in the Sean Penn) whereby he went though every page and then decided to just make himself comfortable at our table.

Cambodian kiddie reading the latest on the new Audi A6.

After our dinner we took a tuk-tuk along the Mekong to another cafe whereby we were going to watch two documentaries about landmines and Pol Pot. Here we were in Phenom Penh, a tow known for wild nihghts, both 27 years old and with our lives ahead of us and you could have misaken us for a couple of old grannies at home with blankets on our knees and a hot cup of tea watching a doco on the ABC. The documentaries were really good, so good in fact we were the only people watching them. It was in this upstairs room at the cafe and when the little mouse ran past the front of the screen adnd down the stairs, it was time to look at the watch and go "will this thing ever end? (but in a good way)."

By the way Sab found "Coupling" at a store across the road from where we ate dinner. She was very happy to say the least. Actually she was f*cking rapt.

The following day saw us bum around our guest house on the lake, confirm our airplane tickes to Taiwan as we found out that we have secured jobs in a southern city called Tainan but more on that later) and pack our bags that seemed to have gained an extra 50kgs in weight, possibly due to the BeerLao stickers we got at the brewrey and my little traditional Cambodia cow bell.

The bus ride to wait ... i have to go Google to check the spelling on this place...Sihanoukville was very pleasant as is the town. We made our way to the Monkey Republic Bungalows at Serendipity Beach where at last i could go swimming and lie in the sun and just relax. Don't get me wrong this holiday has been sensational but what better way to end it then at the beach where its's just you, the water the sand and the sky.

Except when you are in Cambodia.

The following morning (yesterday) Serendipidy Beach was a callin' and it was magnificent to see that crystal blue water as far as the eye could see. The day at the beach was tainted by the appearance of the local kiddies who wouldn't give us a moments peace. They were always coming up to us wanting us to buy books, bracelets, cow bells and fruit. I don't mean to sound like a Scrooge here but it seemed we were the only white people on the beach even though there were many more. We must have "gullible white dickhead" tattooed in invisible ink on our heads that only Cambodian trinket selling kiddies can see.

After getting a petticure from a lady on the beach (hey it was two dollars and i thought what the hell) i was offered bracetes, paintings, books, bookmarks (that had the Transformer like quality of changing into a bracelet) but all i wanted to do was sit there and read my book. Sab got her legs done and purchased enogh fruit to be initiated into the Melbourne Underworld. My saving grace for the day was the water which was the most beautiful i've swam in. So blue, so peaceful, so quiet..until a group of five 10 year old girls swam my way and decided to say hello...which brings me on to another topic.

Cambodian people are so friendly that its pefectly ok for them to squeeze my boobs. The first time it happened was at the firing range where the guy giving me the gun was checking me for a lump. I told Sab this but she didn't beleive me. Later on the grandmother at our guesthouse did it to me and i went off at Sab in our room. I was pissed off but Sab said here i'm sure its not offensive but i didn't care..my boobs were my boobs!

Back to the beach and after my swim and a walk up and down the beach i made my way back to our beach chair whereby i was peckish only to be told that the first two things i wanted from the menu couldn't be cooked as the place we decided to park our bums at was only new and the chef wasn't at work today. More haggling by the kids (including one that was angry at Sab for not purchasing pineapple off her when supposidly Sab promised she would) and a reddish skijn colour from my shoulders dictated that it was full time for our first crack at Serendipidy Beach.

Last night was spent bumming around our Bungalows whilst the what little sunburn i had on my back decided to manfest over night to something representing the colour of the surface of Mars.

So here i am today at the local Mini-Mart staying out of the sun and going to go for a swim (with a shirt on) in the cooler afternoon because even with sunburn, any Ausstralian who doesn't go beach side at any opportunity would be considered un-Australian.

There are two sides to the human race...

It was time to visit the darkside of Cambodia.

I must warn you this update is distubring and there are a couple of pictures you may not like but i felt i need to show them to give you an all round idea of what Cambodia has gone through.

After finding our guest house on the lake and a well needed rest, the day started out by making our way out on motorbikes again to a firing range. Now Sab and I had shot AK-47's in Vietnam and a Russian made Margo rifle in Laos so we thought lets finish the IndoChina trilogy by firing more bullets at a target. Don't worry we aren't going to come back to Australia and suddenly take up Roo Shooting but if you have had to come to this part of the world to experience the mindset we were in.

After a good 40 minute ride on smooth roads, we found our way to the shooting range whereby a "menu" of guns was avaliable from a Colt Revolver up to firing a Rocket Launcher for $200 US and for a few dollars more you could go out to the countryside and fire a rocket launcher at a cow...i swear to God. Even that was a major turnoff but Sab and i decided on a good ol' fashioned American hangun that i only know as the one Mel Gibson used in the "Lethal Weapon" films. Gees that gun packs a punch but in about 10 seconds it was all over and we were on our way to the first of the two major "must sees" of the capital...the Killing Fields of Cheong Ek.

After watching the movie of the very same name the night before i had a little idea of what to expect but nothing could prepare anyone for this place. The sheer brutality of this place overwhelms you especially when you see signs that tell you events that happened here such as a tree being used to throw babies against it to kill them, a mass grave where women and children were thrown into, a grave where all the heads of the bodies were severed. Add to the fact that there was a tree made out to look like a plam tree that actually was a saw that was used to slit throats and the Khmer Rouge often used blunt instruments to smash peoples heads in to save bullets and you get a small idea of the extent of the madness this regime created during its reign.

Over 5,000 skeletons are in the commemorative stupa and you can clearly see where instuments were used to kill the "traitors."

The sign next to the tree says it all.

During our walk around we wer guided by a local man who saw first hand the torture here. He was 15 at the time the Khmer Rouge took over the country and was able to tell us in detail how the soldiers would kill anyone and these soldiers were mainly young kids. Under the Khmer Rouge you had to work in the fields and thats it. If you were an intellectual of any kind you were sent here to meet your destiny. Even one Australian was executed here which really hit home. Our guide told us that one day while he was working in the fields he found a snail which he ate and was caught. Another soldier got a piece of sharp bamboo and stabed him though the leg. He managed to escape to northern Cambodia wher on his return his whole family was never to be seen again.

After the Killing Fields the second half of our trip took us to what loked like an old high school. In fact we were heading towards the infamous S-21 Prison which was the epicentre for Pol Pot's touture of "intellectuals." Walking around the gardens and past the double razor wire fence you have no idea of what you are about to see. This former high school was transformed into a ruthless complex of tourture ranging from water tourture, electric shock, nails being pulled out with pliers, getting whipped, beaten and forced not to talk at all..i mean at all. There was one interrogation room where you could clearly see a pair of blood stained hand prints on the wall and the moment i saw them i felt so helpless and shocked that i nearly cried. Here was someones pain right in front of me and whilst the War Museum in Saigon gave you an impression of what it was like during the war...at S-21 you felt what it was like in this room.

An old high school now the S-21 Prison where you were "re-educated"

The feelings i had leaving this place was that it was much a raw emotional experience that it is a compulsory experience to visit this place as everyone neds to know that even though we are capable of great things as a people we are capable of such horrible deeds that as Sab and I agreed that if we have kids (thats not together mind you) and we have the ability to travel they must know that places like S-21 and the Killing Fields existed. Every age group from babies to grandparents were held here and the hundreds of mug shots you can see all show one feeling..fear. Seriously, even thinking about it as i'm typing this makes me feel uneasy.

I've never felt so sad in my life until today. It affected me greatly and i'm glad that Cambodia hasn't tried to hide its history from anyone. They know they made mistakes and they admit them and they are open for people to see. Unlike Vietnam, Laos or China; Cambodia wants you to learn from its mistakes and tell the world events like this can happen and it didn't happen defending from a foreign invader...

It happened to their fellow countrymen .