Getting older...it's not all that bad.

The Peppers circa 1981. I had blonde hair!!

My family unit has been a pretty tight bunch. We've always had each other to talk to and rely upon each other in times of uncertainty. My parents unwaving suppport of me being away from home was a major plus for me in my time in Asia. The reason i'm talking about this is that the family dynamic of the Peppers has shifted dramatically.

My brother is now established in his life with the lovely Narelle and my parents were settling into the survey bracket known as "empty nesters" then due to the disaster of Taiwan here i am crashing like an Australian Dupree. The four Peppers were happy in the way their lives were going but now i would say three of us are happy as i'm slowly getting familiarity taking over my feelings of reverse culture shock.

Yesterday was the first day i didn't feel freaked out by being back at home. I spent 6 hours fixing up my poor excuse of a resume and now it has 40% more shite in it. It looks a lot more professional and i should have a job by the end of next week, i hope i do as i found out my 10 year high school reuniion is coming up. I finally have a set of wheels to get around town on..thats right on...not in. My brothers old mountain bike.

My brother on Monday night was elected president of the East Keilor Football Club. It was something that i thought would never happen. So when he called with the news i was shocked. I know he has the talent to do but the confidence part was the big minus in his corner but i think it will be fantasstic experience for him and a money saver on the club as we all hope he takes more time trying to get success off the field rather than getting injured on it. So i'm thinking that makes Narelle the First Lady of East Keilor.

Yesterday i went to the gym for a physical assessment. It was the first time since Honkers that i made my way gym side and the guy who assesed me...Vito kept talking about A-League soccer. Now i haven't been to a match since it started last year but from what i have heard it's a pretty amazing atmosphere. My assessment came back with my height being 174cm, my weight being 87 kilos (i'm guessing this time last year i was 78-80) and my body fat at 27. The range i should be in is 12-21 so Vito is going to design a program for me and i find out the details of it monday.

Still home is starting to feel like home again.

September in Melbourne

Pies, Scarves, Footy and Beer - Yep it's Grand Final Time!!

Considering my last couple of posts have been on the negative side, there actually have been a couple of more positive moments in the now 2 weeks i've been home. For anyone that doesn't know Melbourne is the sporting capital of the universe. Anyone who tries to tell me otherwise will be getting a tsunami of sporting events this city holds back in their face.

Last Monday night was Brownlow Medal night. For anyone outside of this country, the Brownlow Medal is the highest individual honour in Australian Rules Football. Our family had some friends of the family over that i hadn't seen since i got back so it was wonderful to catch up with them. One of the major features of "Brownlow Night" is to sit and listen to the C.E.O of the A.F.L. to read out the votes for each of the 168 games played that year. For anyone that isn't passionate about AFL, it would seem that the guy was reading out numbers from the dewey decimal system. So instead of "T. Richards 1 Vote, R.Robertson 2 Votes, T. Barker 3 votes" after 14 rounds it may start to sound like "Ancient Indian History 687.98 Olympic Games 796.48."

This year the deciding votes came to the last round where by Sydney's Adam Goodes outvoted crowd favourite Scott West by three votes. I'm sure this sentence means nothing to most people reading this. Due to the popularity of this site this comment may only affect Candace and Kate.

Last Saturday, Sab came over to watch the Grand Final. It was lovely to see her again as it is starting to feel a bit wierd not seeing her everyday. We had a little chat about life which included a lot of shrugging and grunts but we are trying to make the most of it. Sab is feeling the same and with only her mum trying to comprehend whats going on in her head, she isn't exactly settling in as well as she thought she could. Still that wouldn't dampen the spirits as i received a gift saturday morning. Dad "No. 2" Mick came with 12 bottles of...Beerlao!!!

Yeah it seems that Reshelle (the yougest daughter) has a squeeze who works at a bottle shop. I'd only met him for the first time on Monday night and hes a genuine good bloke so to my surprise i had Beerlao to drinnk with the game. sab was so excited that she nearly drank one bottle by herself! The game was a cliffhanger and it was an amazing afternoon.

Teddy in front of the Show's landmark - A Pie in the Sky

Also during last week, I ventured down to the Royal Melbourne Show. It's been a long time since i went down to the "Show" to soak up the smell of cow shit and buttered popcorn. I made my way down thanks to "mum no. 2" Bev. You see, Bev has 3 daughters and I have my brother. During the 80's Chris and their middle daughter Shona were in primary school together and became freinds. Yep even back then he was turning on the charm. So with that the familes became close and now i have three "sisters" and Bev has two "sons." Anyways i made my way down to the Show with Bev to meet her youngest daughter Rechelle and her squeeze, Dave.

When i was a kid i used to go down with Dad and Chris usually after Dad slaved his way through another day at work only to be met at home by two eager kids wanting their dad to drag them in the back of the Mitsubishi Magna and wrap them up in their duffle coats. The only reason i wanted to go to the show every year was for the Bridgestone Precision Driving Team and the fireworks. Chris liked the rides where i just preferred to be part of the crowd.

Markey and Shell doing what they do best - destroying food.

I met up with my Aunty Di who works at the show. It was the first time i saw her and it was lovely to see her. We had a bit of a chat and she showed me around the new offices of the showgrounds. In fact the whole place has changed. It's more open and even though the size of the place is smaller you feel a lot more comfortable being in the crowd of kiddies clutching Cadbury Showbags and teenagers finally getting away from their parents and allowed to hang out by themselves.

By the way in the above picture, i'm eating a roast lamb roll.Ohh it was sooo goood!!

The great thing about Melbourne this time of year is that the events just keep on coming. After the football, the Spring Racing Carnival takes over and that's madness. For the past few years our house has hosted a Melbourne Cup Day which according to my parents has grown bigger and better since i left. Then the crickets in town so Chris and I will be heading to the MCG on Boxing Day for the Ashes rematch between Australia and "Ingerland." Add to the fact the Australian Open Tennis starts in Jan and we also have the A-League soccer as well, it seems sports will comfort me whilst being back in Melbourne.

I like that.

Everybody wants to work.

The "Uncanny X-Men" sang a song that seems to fit my life right now. I can't defend the pink and white striped t-shirt though. It was the 80's.

Na na not me!!

Recruiting Agencies must be sitting back and having a big old laugh. It seems that the days of just reading the paper and calling someone at the company that advertised the job is too much of an effort these days. Now you have to jump online and be greeted by a faceless website and then if...and I mean if you are lucky you will hear back from a lady usually called Sally or Janelle from XYZ Recruitment about a position that you applied for three weeks ago.

I’m bitterly jaded when it comes to applying for work in Australia. I came back with fire in my belly wanting to get to work straight away and with the constant riniging in my ears about how Australias job rate is at an all time low but the feeling of an all time low is swinging in my direction. It seems Australia has embraced the internet so much that any face-to-face conversation in the employment world takes too much time these days. I'm also angry because even though i might not be the best applicant for jobs, just get me in a room with someone and i'll try my darndest to sweep them off their feet and try to make them think i actually care about a career in the pertrochemical industry.

It's an industry that feeds on lies and slight of hand tricks on your resume. Rather than saying i was a "kindergarten teacher" and tell the truth, i've written "educational trainer" instead. This kind of crap makes me sick. I was happy in Hong Kong and when i said i was a "kindergarten teacher" there wasn't any reason to hide behind some wanky terminology.

It seems telling the truth of what i did won't cut it in the job market here.

The last of the analog generation

I thought this would be a great name for a book I would probably not write in the future about my time and place on this planet. This all came about when I was at my local shopping centre, Highpoint. The last time I walked into the behemoth that is the centre it was under renovations to make the centre larger. So last Thursday rolls around and being school holidays the place is jammed packed which contributes to a feeling of paranoia and lack of space set in. Unlike Hong Kong where I could be both lost in the crowd and part of a larger following of activity at the same time, this time around I felt out of place and out of step. Stores I didn’t recognize selling products I had no idea existed. Music stores blasted out songs from artists who were born when I started high school whilst teenage kids walked around in designer ugg boots.

I remember coming here as a child and being overwhelmed by the smell of the fish market which these days is currently the site of a café that tries its hardest to be the most happening place in Melbourne north west. Flakes and lobsters have been replaced by lattes and bruschettas and I don’t like it. I have outgrown this centre that gave me my first job and my shortest job as well. The shortest job lasted about three hours. It was actually a tryout to be a commentator for toy camel races. Much like the wardrobe I had to wear, the job just didn’t feel right. I’m too old for Highpoint and I got out of there as soon as I could.

I’m 27 and I came from a generation that seems to have been the last of the “traditional” way of life. A time where the church was still held in some esteem; where the feeling of community was winning the battle against a society becoming more individualistic. I was raised with the belief that your life moves forward and you gather momentum with your life experiences along the way. The feeling of going backwards was starting to hit me and being at the shopping centre was one way of reminding me that what I thought my life would be for the next year is no where near what reality is putting in front of my face right now.

I didn’t like it one bit because I felt that the last 2 ½ years have been for nothing where I know deep down in my soul that there is something bigger in the world. As much as I love my family, I’ve lost the feeling of freedom the most and that is what’s making me agitated being back at home. I was getting into the stride that was comfortable for my life and now I’ve had to pull into the pits and have a “stop-go penalty” of one year due to the disastrous events of Taiwan and it pisses me off. That feeling will change in the fullness of time.

This is Australia

Home Sweet Home...yet home has changed for me.

As Vietnamese Airlines Flight 856 landed in Melbourne I had a feeling of coming back to a place where I knew I could be the master of my life rather than the ‘city’ becoming the master of me. Yet before I could address that situation Sab and I had one last hurdle to get over, Australian Customs. Now us Aussies are pretty stingy when it comes to bringing back souviners from overseas. I was afraid for a little while because I wasn’t sure that I would have to declare my fantastic little Cambodian Cow Bell. That was a non-issue as the major concern was the over 300 DVD’s I had stashed in my bag. I threw away clothes so I could fit the movies in there. They were my lifeblood (as they were Sabs) for our time in Asia so we took a chance rather than leave them in our boxes as we knew that if they were left in the boxes, they wouldn’t have made it past the Customs officers at the docks.

I was lucky enough to be waived through but Sab wasn’t so lucky. After taking out three of her 80 CD holders that had most of her DVD’s the Customs guy let her off with a “severe warning” as she had “an unusually high number of DVD’s.” I think Sab would have jumped over the counter and smacked the Customs guy senseless with her illegal copies of ‘Seinfeld.’ Sab also helped me purchased some grog and smokes for my family as the amount needed was more that I could legally bring into the country. Thanks Sab!

The re union with the parents was fantastic to say the least. My feeling of coming home was now complete and with this happiness I found myself back at Norwood Drive in my old room feeling a sense of nostalgia. I was back in the room where I grew up and I have come back a different person. I know deep down that even though the stay here is temporary, I don’t want to get too attached to life here because I honestly don’t want to get sucked in by my surroundings. I did that after university and I felt trapped by East Keilor and I don’t want it to happen again.

Throughout the day I visited my Gran and thanks to dads driving we drove through Footscray and Newport listening to the best of the Bee Gees CD. Two old industrial suburbs which these days look nothing like the days before I left. On the way back from Gran’s I told dad that I had to purchase some adapters for my laptop and phone. After driving along we eventually ended up at an electrical superstore. Dad waited in the car whilst I popped inside and somehow came across a face from my past.

I was in an aisle just browsing for the cheapest adapters when a voice floated over the USB Ports before I turned around to see that face...the face of the man who sold me my Apple iBook three years ago. Of all the computer departments in all the electrical superstores in all of Melbourne…I walked into his.

Taiwan - The Final Installement

101 Floors. 509 meters tall. Not as good as Petronas Towers though

Halfway to Taipei, Sab pulled out the camera and asked me to explain why we were actually on the train. 15 minutes later I had finished my monologue and really looking forward to leaving this country that had given us nothing but trouble. 4 hours after we left Tainan we arrived in Taipei to find ourselves rooming at a shitty hostel which was located at the end of an alleyway in downtown Taipei. The place was downright shocking. even for us and we have stayed in some pretty shitty places before. The clients living at this place were actually living there. The shortest stayer had been there two months. Sure it was cheap but it’s not exactly conducive to a home environment what with the pissed American and the stoned Canadian residing there as well.

The next morning Sab woke me up by pointing to an adjoining bed where a bony white guy was meditating. He didn’t move an inch for an hour as Sab and I just looked and pointed at him in amazement. WE got ready and headed down to the worlds tallest building. Taipei 101 is difficult to find. Sure it’s the world’s tallest building but with the concrete landscape that is Taipei it is very easy to find yourself lost in the canyons that are the streets of this mega city. We eventually found it and on first impression it wasn’t as impressive as the Petronas Towers. Now they were amazing but this tower seemed to have no purpose other than national pride. I liked it and went for a look on the outside observatory 390 meters above the ground but all I could really see was smog.

Later that day we secured flights for 8am the next morning but seen that the airport is 5okm out of the city, we weren’t prepared to stay another night at the hotel. We decided to find a place closer to the airport but with prices for a room going for about 80 Aussie dollars for the night it was way way out of our range…so we slept on the departure hall floor that night. When I say we I mean me. We were so desperate to leave this hellhole that one night sleeping on a cold cold floor at an airport was justice enough considering the events of the previous days.

I’ve never felt so excited to be going back to Hong Kong. My second home

Taiwan - Part Three

Shame we couldn't say the same about the company

Lonely Planet should tell you in its Taiwan guide “if you are planning to work in Taiwan there are only two things you need to take over for a memorable experience. These two things are your passport and some lubricant as I’m sure there will be a time where you’ll have to drop the strides and take one in the name of TESOL Education.”

We just got buttf*cked big time. Talk about a disaster, this may be in bad taste but Sab and I just had our “9/11.” Steve, the chimney smoking yet jovial guide who took us on a tour of Southern Taiwan called us the night before to say that he was picking us up at 11am. So I packed my bags and bid farewell to my little love palace that served as my short yet memorable abode for the past 4 nights. By the way I must say to everyone what I said to Sab, Asian porn stars need to get the Flymo out and trim the private bits as it looks like an overgrown forest down there and not conducive to erotic visual experiences. The stench of cigarette smoke still filled the air as Steve drove Sab and I to a local railway station where he guided us to the ticket window and told us to ask a passenger to tell us when we reached Tainan station. This was not the way a company should greet new employees but we were on their turf so we had to play by their rules.

We were sitting on a suburban train going to a city where no-one was going to pick us but we managed to find our way to a local taxi who took us to Sesame Language School. The school itself was a very “North American-esque” type of facility but that didn’t deter us from working there. We arrived at the school at 12.30 and we found out that our “appointment” with our new head teacher Angela wasn’t until 2. So why were we an hour and a half early? Either way this and sitting on a broken chair and falling straight on my ass was slowly turning the tide of my enthusiasm of being in Taiwan. The only highlight so far was actually getting to a baseball batting cage and having a good swing. It was a lot of fun and due to the major American influence in Taiwan, it was something I was looking forward to participating in on a regular basis.

Sab and I decided to go for a walk where once again we got completely lost. Typical. Then again whilst we were walking down a lane way everything was going fine and then…BANG!! My elbow was really really sore which was due to the silver SUV slamming his side mirror into my funny bone. It freaking hurt! Sab was freaked out by the noise of elbow on car and the stupidity of Asian drivers. They really are that bad. With all this happening even my resolve was being tested. We somehow made our way back to the school (our mobiles were in our bags back at the school) whereby we were greeted by a fellow staff member at the school who plonked two pieces of paper down in front of us. These were our teaching schedules.

We hadn’t talked about contracts, hours, teaching, visas, accommodation…anything and we had to teach at 4.30pm the same day? This was totally unacceptable and when four thick text books were out in front of us the calamity of the situation was taken to greater heights. This was the icing on the cake. Eventually Angela came in and tried to explain to us how the schedule works in the quickest time possible but when we asked more specific questions about how to teach the material the only answer we got was “well you two have experience.” Experience counts for nothing when you start a new job so with that after Angela walked away and let us get on with the task of preparing for our lesson, Sab just looked at me and said as deadpan as possible “Mark if you want to go back just say the word.” For a brief second I thought of Japan but it’s too expensive. I thought of Hong Kong but we had our time there which left home and the only response I gave Sab was “I don’t have my credit card.” “That doesn’t matter if you want to go let’s go.” “O.K. Let’s go.”

Our unbiased view of Tainan an hour after we arrived.

A weight had been lifted off our shoulders and we were genuinely excited about going home. I know we shouldn’t be but deep down inside us I think we were yearning for familiarities of home and not the strangeness of Southern Taiwan. Our minds were made up and I called dad at his work. Sab called her brother and by 3.15 that afternoon, we had said farewell to Tainan and on our way to the capital…Taipei.

Taiwan - Part Two

Considering I am writing this two weeks after it happened, I’ll try and keep the narrative as close to the actual events as possible.

After the disaster of yesterdays “scooter-gate” as it will be referred to from now on, I knew that I would have to go back on the horse and get a feel for this bike. So while Sab kept far, far away from the damn machine, I hopped back on with a clear goal of gaining more practice in the art of Taiwanese scooter riding. I found out early that like the day before, it didn’t matter what rules you broke, as long as you arrived at your destination alive then your trip has been successful. I told Sab that I would be about 45 minutes, it actually turned into an hour and a half as I got lost again.

It wasn’t too bad though. I learned how to run red lights and turn left like a local. Rather than waiting for the light to turn green and then turn left, the locals here cross the pedestrian crossing to the right hand side of the road then wait for the light to turn green so the actual distance of the turn was less. Considering the day before I wasn’t too keen on left turns (remember they drive on the “wrong” or “American” side of the road) so I would actually do three right turns to get on the street I wanted to go to…chicken you say? You try learning to ride a scooted in the second busiest city in Taiwan then give me a bell. One things fore sure 60 on a scooter feels about three times as fast as it does in a car.

Sure the scooters flying past me were doing at least 70 whilst I was sputtering along at 50 at times but with the feeling of no protection came the sensation of added danger and the feeling of speed. Even though it was only my second time on a scooter I was starting to enjoy it. I won’t be going anywhere near a powerful bike soon as the memory of one of my distant cousins slamming head first after stacking of a 50cc scooter into a barb wire fence and requiring 70 stitches when I was about 6 or 7 years old on my cousins farm was still fresh in my mind. My cousin was about 8 I think…bloody Shafters!

I may my way back via McDonalds and I’m getting sick and tired of eating this stuff but there is no where else except Subway where I know the quality of the food. Sure I was in Taiwan and like their mainland counterparts are able to eat anything. It was this theory of Taiwanese cooking that kept me away from the restaurants plus I was getting depressed.

Saturday was a carbon copy of Friday. Wake up to a dark room which ruined my body clock, see what’s on tv...have a squizz at the porn channels, shower, subway, scooter, internet, bed, more porn and BBC World and bed. Though later on Saturday night Sab and I made my way to the Lighthouse Bar and Grill where we had a nice time eating great pub food and watching Liverpool lose to a fired up Everton and I was actually enjoying being at this bar seeing a few expats around and hoping that in Tainan we would be able to find our own little bar and meet with the guys and gals for a few quiet ales and swap war stories of our kids. I’m looking forward to that.

Sunday was a carbon copy of Saturday except we watched the Italian Grand Prix at the Lighthouse Grill. Couldn’t be bothered exploring the city because I did it by mistake via getting completely lost on a scooter. I went to bed that night wondering what Monday would reveal to us as Sab and I were going to visit our new workplace…Sesame English School.

Taiwan - The story so far

I thought scootering was like this...boy was i wrong!

Taiwan has been one big head spin so far.

Actually to be honest our time so far has been one big mind-shag. It has felt like the forces of doom have dressed up in its sexiest night clothes and taken my cranium for an almighty rogering.

It's Saturday afternoon here in Kaohsiung and i'm listening to AFL Finals Football and its come as a welcome relief. It all started Wednesday night when Sab and I landed Taiwan side a little tired but looking forward to getting settled into a year of hard work and fun. I was in the country for 5 minutes when the lady at passport control had a good look at my passport. You see, China and Taiwan aren't the best of friends. China considers Taiwan as a "renegade province of China" where as Taiwan wants to be a democratic country in its own right. With this business going on and with my previous workplaces being in China and Hong Kong, i could understand the look on the passport ladies face when she asked me "Have you been to China?" Even though i have 7 Chinese visas in my passport i stumbled an answer of "Yeah i was there a couple of years ago" which i'm sure didn't convince the lady behind the counter.

After picking up our luggage we were greeted by Steven who is our guide around town and representative. He's a pretty easy going guy who treated us to the best accomdation the town has to offer. The smell of nicotine filled the minivan as we pulled up out the front of our hotel. Taiwan has no English signs on the street so its Dalian all over again. The hotel rooms that Sab and I are staying in have been tailored to a specific market. The pinkinsh red carpet, large double bed, no windows, small bathroom and 3 hardcore adult movie channels on the TV made Sab and i come to the conclusion that our accomodation is actually a "love hotel." Sure the sight of Japanese girls and boys on the job after a while gets a bit boring but it was just the first of a series of adventures.

Thursday morning after a very good sleep in a very copmfortable bed, it was time to look at our schools that were shortlisted for us. there were four schools in the area that each had two positions avaliable so what we thought was four different schools under the same compnay name in the one city actually turned out to be something completly different. With steven smoking like a chimney already at 9am we made our way to the city of Tainan which is 30 mins north of Kaohsiung to a school called "Sesame." The school was actually a lot bigger than we thought it would be and it looked very nice. There was an actual office where there were actual adult sized desks to work on unlike Topkids in Tin Shui Wai where we had to use the kids desks to do our work. With another three schools to see it was time to travel a further hour north to a city which is home to the most beautiful kindergarten i have ever seen. It was more like a hotel for the kids rather than an educational facility and the principal was a really nice lady. Actually she was very helpful and really wanted us to start work there but the place was just "too American" for us. It was the best kindergarten in the area and the principal asked us to read a book to one of the classes in North American accent. I tried but it just didn't feel right. The school didn't feel right so on the way back to Tainan i asked Sab "straight throught to the keeper?" She agreed.

By the way..who the hell is Johnny Appleseed?

Back in the minivan and it was off to another school in some part of the country. By this time the rains were really coming down so all the windows were up yet Steven continued to smoke which really cheesed me off. I didn't say anything as while we were driving in the rain Steve was telling us about the different schools and Sab and I were leaning towards "Sesame" yet there were two more schools. We eventually made it to the front of another school which looked like a carbon copy of the language schoolwe worked at in Dalian. The english teachers there all had poxy Yankee accents even though some were from Australia and had only been there nine months. I'm not American and even though the United States is a major influence island side, i'm not prepared to let go of my accent, i'm too proud and stubborn in that respect. Hearing a guy from Brisbane talk like a hybrid Greg Norman didn't sit well with me.

We skipped the last school as by that time Sab and I decided that we are going to work at Sesame in Tainan. We met our new head teacher who was very nice and said that the school would help with our visas and finding a place to stay plus other stuff. We made our way back to our love hotel and after watching a bit of TV it was time for bed and the adventure that Friday would have in store for us.

Aftere a very nice sleep in it was time to get a new phonecard as the one i purchased yesterday wouldnt allow me to make calls or send messages. It was concluded that my Motorola phone i have had for a year somehow got water damage during the holiday even though i had never ever used it in two months. I was pissed as this phone was a year old and i had to buy a cheap second hand phone whilst they tried to fix it. It seems i have no luck with technology. Even with a brand new Dell laptop i had read that there was a product reacall of laptop batteries (which included my model) as the batteries may explode. First my iBook and now my Dell. I have no luck and maybe i should stick with smoke signals.


get on a scooter. Having travelled all around Southeast Asia we have had plenty of chances to get accustomed to the world of scootering but we never took the chance. As we found out the night before when we met our teacher, our initial job will be teaching English classes to kids at campuses around Tainan and the best and so far, only way to get around is by scooter so we had no choice but to get on and try it. It as time to jump on our chopper..a 50cc hell raising machine. i jumped on first and seeing it was the first time ever on a motorbike i accidentally hit the gas when i was trying to reverse back and the bike went straight into another scooter and i nearly went head first into a van! There's a scene in the film "American Graffiti" where Terry the Toad slams his scooter into another Vespa. It looked exactly like that.

Then i took it for a spin around the block and sort of got the hang of it. I got off and Sab had a little go outside the front of the building where Steven works at. The scooted was running off vapous so we had to try and find a petrol station. We eventually found one and filled it up and then it was time to battle the traffic again and find a quiet place for Sab to practise. We found a small area of streets that had no traffic so Sab went to the task at hand. She rode off to the end of the street and went around the block. Just as she was coming back to the place where i was standing i head a yelp from around the corner. I walked up the street a bit only to see Sab coming toward me pushing the scooter. She looked in shock as she told me as she was coming around the second to last corner, she hit the gas instead of the brake and hit a parked car.

She had a small cut on her leg but the worst part was her leg had somehow snapped the key and the bottom half of the key was jammed in the ignition. We couldnt call anyone as the only way to lift the seat to get to our phones was by turning the key in the ignition switch. We were stuck in some part of the city with no one who could speak English. Every street looked the same and we can't speak Mandarin even though with the time we had spent in China. Eventually we pushed our bie past a repair shop who said it would take 1000NT dollars to fix. Considering we rented the bike for a month for 2000NT it was a bit too much. We pushed again until we came across a guy who tried to fix it with a pair of pliers, something i tried to do when it first happened. Somehow there was a large toolbox at a chemist two doors down from where the accident happened. I thought with my limited experience i could som,ehow pull the key out or at least turn it so we could access our phones...but to no avail.

The plies guy pulled the front of the bike cover off, cut the cord from the ignition system ant hotwired the bike so it would start. He then told us to follow him to a repair shop. WE had to pay 650NT for a new ignition system and keys but the bike was fixed. it was given a mini service as well and "plier guy" gave us his details in case we have more trouble which was very nice of him. We were back on our way then we were completley lost. With traffic everywhere and only 30 mins experience on a bike, we were both clueless about what to do. Sab has since stated on her blog that she was more frightened on the back of the scooter then kyacking. We travelled around the city for an hour trying to find a landmark or a building to point us the way home. During this time we nearly had a head on accident as we were going straight through an intersection and a guy turning left from the opposite direction turned left and decided to stop right in front of me. I swerved just in time otherwise we would have flipped over the bike. The scootering here is a combination of "Roman Holiday" meets "Mad Max 2."

the sky was getting darker and the rain started to fall as we somehow found a bulding which we knew was only two blocks from our hotl. We eventually made it back and Sab will not get on a scooter anytime soon. Last night i went to the internet cafe and trid to update the blog but my computer was playing up but i gave up. This morning i went for another run around town and thought it would take about 45 minutes. It took an hour and a half which was both good and bad. I got straight back into the traffic and getting into the nitty-gritty of scootering Taiwan style. The saving grace is that even though its a crazy way to travel, Tainan is a smaller city so i'm hoping that it will be easier to get around.

Thats about it for now. It's been a roller coaster so far so hopefully after we get settled in it will be a lot better because so far its been far from impressive.

So overall...how was it?

Amazing.

The places we have been to have ranged from spectacular to the downright "yeah not bad." Cambodia certainly has its charm and the people are by far the friendliest i've ever met. In fact by the time we got back to Phenom Penh and to our guest house we stayed at before leaving Shnooksville i was greeted by the grandmother of the guest house who in a what i can only put down to a sence of nostalgia went straight for a grope on my boobs...again.

This time around i wasn't as shocked as the grandma is a really nice , sweet old lady. Sab had a bloody good laugh though and the feeling of coming to the end of an amazing 2 months in Southeast Asia.

The feeling of starting a new adventure in Taiwan was fast approaching and i'm sure that it has something in store for us.

From the Capital to the Coast..we've got it all!

Great Mates, Great Weather...Serendipity Beach.

It seems that my mind and my sun burnt body have different thresholds to the untraviolet rays in our atmosphere. Even though i went for a swim in the most beautiful water i have had the pleasure to go dog-paddling in, even though i applied sunscreen to every part of my body and even though we were only at the beach for about three hours, i still got burnt and i'm shitty about it.

But more on that later.

The day after our depressing visits to the Killing Fields and S-21 prison, Sab and i decided that we would take the day to explore Sean Penn (sorry- that's our codeword for Phenom Penh) which was a futile task because every 10 seconds up comes a guy on a bike offering you his services. The simple pleasure of getting lost in the capital of Cambodia is non-existent due to the locals desire to take you anywhere and everywhere even though all you want is just to walk around at your own pace.

Our day started with a tuk-tuk ride to the National Museum and as lovely as the actuall museum building is, the inside was filled with ancient Khmer artifacts and various other centuries of Bhudda statues and little wooden rectangular boxes. Now i didn't mind this unlike Sab who thought otherwise. I would say the museum was nice to look at but not a must see unless you really like artifacts. The Royal Palace was not due to open until 2.30 in the afternoon so as a result we actually walked a few blocks to visit the Independence Monument (as in Independence from France in 1958) which lasted about 2 minutes as we took the now-stardard photo with Teddy Richards and had a bit of a look at it. As we made our way down to the riverside to find a place to sit and have a nice cold drink we came across another illegal DVD centre.

Sab has been looking for a British TV series called "Coupling." It's quite a funny show as evidence one night back in Tin Shui Wai where i thought i could get an early sunday night sleep but was kept awake by Sab's Betty Rubble-esque giggling at this TV show she stumbled across late that night. I couldn't get to sleep so i joined her and started laughing as well. Anyway with that little backstory you would think that she had found this little gem she had been looking for all over Asia but she hadn't. Sorry to get your hopes up.

The store did have a copy of Jean Claude van Damme's debut movie "Bloodsport" which had to be purchased for a time where i could relax when Sab is out of the house and i can watch some good old fashioned movie violence. It times like that you can really appreciate the depth to Van Dammes acting. Following more walking we ended up at a pretty schmick cafe where we just let the air conditioning work its magic. A couple more DVD stores followed (we can't go past one without having a look) and we pretty much followed our aim of bumming around the capital on foot.

Later in the evening we decided to get some dinner we were harassed (to put it nicely) by another of the kiddie street sellers whose offerings range from books you already have to books that you don't really want. This particular kid was so persistent yet charming in his tween type of way that we invited him for dinner and we gave him a couple peices of pizza. The one thing that i could offer him was my long awaited for MOTOR magazine (that's an Aussie Car Mag that i found in a bookstore in the Sean Penn) whereby he went though every page and then decided to just make himself comfortable at our table.

Cambodian kiddie reading the latest on the new Audi A6.

After our dinner we took a tuk-tuk along the Mekong to another cafe whereby we were going to watch two documentaries about landmines and Pol Pot. Here we were in Phenom Penh, a tow known for wild nihghts, both 27 years old and with our lives ahead of us and you could have misaken us for a couple of old grannies at home with blankets on our knees and a hot cup of tea watching a doco on the ABC. The documentaries were really good, so good in fact we were the only people watching them. It was in this upstairs room at the cafe and when the little mouse ran past the front of the screen adnd down the stairs, it was time to look at the watch and go "will this thing ever end? (but in a good way)."

By the way Sab found "Coupling" at a store across the road from where we ate dinner. She was very happy to say the least. Actually she was f*cking rapt.

The following day saw us bum around our guest house on the lake, confirm our airplane tickes to Taiwan as we found out that we have secured jobs in a southern city called Tainan but more on that later) and pack our bags that seemed to have gained an extra 50kgs in weight, possibly due to the BeerLao stickers we got at the brewrey and my little traditional Cambodia cow bell.

The bus ride to wait ... i have to go Google to check the spelling on this place...Sihanoukville was very pleasant as is the town. We made our way to the Monkey Republic Bungalows at Serendipity Beach where at last i could go swimming and lie in the sun and just relax. Don't get me wrong this holiday has been sensational but what better way to end it then at the beach where its's just you, the water the sand and the sky.

Except when you are in Cambodia.

The following morning (yesterday) Serendipidy Beach was a callin' and it was magnificent to see that crystal blue water as far as the eye could see. The day at the beach was tainted by the appearance of the local kiddies who wouldn't give us a moments peace. They were always coming up to us wanting us to buy books, bracelets, cow bells and fruit. I don't mean to sound like a Scrooge here but it seemed we were the only white people on the beach even though there were many more. We must have "gullible white dickhead" tattooed in invisible ink on our heads that only Cambodian trinket selling kiddies can see.

After getting a petticure from a lady on the beach (hey it was two dollars and i thought what the hell) i was offered bracetes, paintings, books, bookmarks (that had the Transformer like quality of changing into a bracelet) but all i wanted to do was sit there and read my book. Sab got her legs done and purchased enogh fruit to be initiated into the Melbourne Underworld. My saving grace for the day was the water which was the most beautiful i've swam in. So blue, so peaceful, so quiet..until a group of five 10 year old girls swam my way and decided to say hello...which brings me on to another topic.

Cambodian people are so friendly that its pefectly ok for them to squeeze my boobs. The first time it happened was at the firing range where the guy giving me the gun was checking me for a lump. I told Sab this but she didn't beleive me. Later on the grandmother at our guesthouse did it to me and i went off at Sab in our room. I was pissed off but Sab said here i'm sure its not offensive but i didn't care..my boobs were my boobs!

Back to the beach and after my swim and a walk up and down the beach i made my way back to our beach chair whereby i was peckish only to be told that the first two things i wanted from the menu couldn't be cooked as the place we decided to park our bums at was only new and the chef wasn't at work today. More haggling by the kids (including one that was angry at Sab for not purchasing pineapple off her when supposidly Sab promised she would) and a reddish skijn colour from my shoulders dictated that it was full time for our first crack at Serendipidy Beach.

Last night was spent bumming around our Bungalows whilst the what little sunburn i had on my back decided to manfest over night to something representing the colour of the surface of Mars.

So here i am today at the local Mini-Mart staying out of the sun and going to go for a swim (with a shirt on) in the cooler afternoon because even with sunburn, any Ausstralian who doesn't go beach side at any opportunity would be considered un-Australian.

There are two sides to the human race...

It was time to visit the darkside of Cambodia.

I must warn you this update is distubring and there are a couple of pictures you may not like but i felt i need to show them to give you an all round idea of what Cambodia has gone through.

After finding our guest house on the lake and a well needed rest, the day started out by making our way out on motorbikes again to a firing range. Now Sab and I had shot AK-47's in Vietnam and a Russian made Margo rifle in Laos so we thought lets finish the IndoChina trilogy by firing more bullets at a target. Don't worry we aren't going to come back to Australia and suddenly take up Roo Shooting but if you have had to come to this part of the world to experience the mindset we were in.

After a good 40 minute ride on smooth roads, we found our way to the shooting range whereby a "menu" of guns was avaliable from a Colt Revolver up to firing a Rocket Launcher for $200 US and for a few dollars more you could go out to the countryside and fire a rocket launcher at a cow...i swear to God. Even that was a major turnoff but Sab and i decided on a good ol' fashioned American hangun that i only know as the one Mel Gibson used in the "Lethal Weapon" films. Gees that gun packs a punch but in about 10 seconds it was all over and we were on our way to the first of the two major "must sees" of the capital...the Killing Fields of Cheong Ek.

After watching the movie of the very same name the night before i had a little idea of what to expect but nothing could prepare anyone for this place. The sheer brutality of this place overwhelms you especially when you see signs that tell you events that happened here such as a tree being used to throw babies against it to kill them, a mass grave where women and children were thrown into, a grave where all the heads of the bodies were severed. Add to the fact that there was a tree made out to look like a plam tree that actually was a saw that was used to slit throats and the Khmer Rouge often used blunt instruments to smash peoples heads in to save bullets and you get a small idea of the extent of the madness this regime created during its reign.

Over 5,000 skeletons are in the commemorative stupa and you can clearly see where instuments were used to kill the "traitors."

The sign next to the tree says it all.

During our walk around we wer guided by a local man who saw first hand the torture here. He was 15 at the time the Khmer Rouge took over the country and was able to tell us in detail how the soldiers would kill anyone and these soldiers were mainly young kids. Under the Khmer Rouge you had to work in the fields and thats it. If you were an intellectual of any kind you were sent here to meet your destiny. Even one Australian was executed here which really hit home. Our guide told us that one day while he was working in the fields he found a snail which he ate and was caught. Another soldier got a piece of sharp bamboo and stabed him though the leg. He managed to escape to northern Cambodia wher on his return his whole family was never to be seen again.

After the Killing Fields the second half of our trip took us to what loked like an old high school. In fact we were heading towards the infamous S-21 Prison which was the epicentre for Pol Pot's touture of "intellectuals." Walking around the gardens and past the double razor wire fence you have no idea of what you are about to see. This former high school was transformed into a ruthless complex of tourture ranging from water tourture, electric shock, nails being pulled out with pliers, getting whipped, beaten and forced not to talk at all..i mean at all. There was one interrogation room where you could clearly see a pair of blood stained hand prints on the wall and the moment i saw them i felt so helpless and shocked that i nearly cried. Here was someones pain right in front of me and whilst the War Museum in Saigon gave you an impression of what it was like during the war...at S-21 you felt what it was like in this room.

An old high school now the S-21 Prison where you were "re-educated"

The feelings i had leaving this place was that it was much a raw emotional experience that it is a compulsory experience to visit this place as everyone neds to know that even though we are capable of great things as a people we are capable of such horrible deeds that as Sab and I agreed that if we have kids (thats not together mind you) and we have the ability to travel they must know that places like S-21 and the Killing Fields existed. Every age group from babies to grandparents were held here and the hundreds of mug shots you can see all show one feeling..fear. Seriously, even thinking about it as i'm typing this makes me feel uneasy.

I've never felt so sad in my life until today. It affected me greatly and i'm glad that Cambodia hasn't tried to hide its history from anyone. They know they made mistakes and they admit them and they are open for people to see. Unlike Vietnam, Laos or China; Cambodia wants you to learn from its mistakes and tell the world events like this can happen and it didn't happen defending from a foreign invader...

It happened to their fellow countrymen .

Life inside the Temples....Day Three

"Quick let's get out of here before they find out."

I said this when i was quite drunk the night before.

At the end of my last posting i mentioned an experiment and here was my theory. Have a couple of drinks before bed and that will make us very tired and therefore get to sleep earlier (around 9 p.m.) therefore have a better nights sleep for when we have to wake up in the morning. Great in theory but i was drunk for the first time on our holiday at 11.30pm having a light le chuck off the side of our guest house.

The previous nights events started when i had my two drinks and Sab had hers. There were a group of people from Seattle on the table next to us and Sab and I like talking to Americans because we love to show off all our knowledge about America and make them feel like crap for not knowing who was Australias first Prime Minister was (it was Edmund Barton in 1901) or naming any of the major football teams in Australia like we can for American teams. GO SEAHAWKS!!

A few more drinks and some air guitar work to Dire Straits "Best Of..." Album and Sab and I were working beautifully then it all went downhill after Sabs introduction of tequlia. Sabs funny when it comes to tequila. She often talks about how horrible it is but when she is having a good session she won't hesitate to visit that well again. I don't like tequila (and later on when i told her this she said that i was a "wuss") but i drank it anyway and i was gone...

I'm pretty sure that CD i'm holding is "The Best of U2" I'm not too sure though.

After our dinner and drinks bill came and it only amounted to $3 US i was convinced that we had struck gold. "Quick let's get out of here before they find out." I was out of there as quick as a flash only to find our guest house had locked the gate and we couldn't get in. What happens if they find out? We will be forced to admit the error and wash dishes for six weeks! Then again all they had to do was stick thier head out the front as our guest house was only two doors up from the restaurant so my well planned getaway was pretty pissy in hindsight. Tequila does bad things to you.

The next morning i remembered we paid our bill and then had another couple of drinks and that explains the $3US bill.

After the chuck at 11.30 i found that i did get some sleep and found that i did get up at 4.30 a.m with a hangover so our experiment worked..and failed.

When you are in the back of a tuk-tuk at 4.30 in the morning on the way to Angkor Wat you should be pretty excited but i just wanted to get this jackhammer off my head and get back into bed. When we finally made our way to the front of Angkor i was amazed by the sight of this place. It is massive and being there in person you can appreciate the scale of this structure. As we walked inside and first saw those five towers shoot upward towards the night sky, a feeling of calm and majesty fell over the place. As the sun rose the number of people streaming in accelerated and it was by far one of the most amazing experiences of my life even though i was hungover in the process. None of my photos turned out very well but i still have the memories and thats enough for me.

Angkor Wat during a mediocre sunrise - It still has a pull over your senses

On further exploration of Angkor Wat you could gain a better understanding of the detailing and beauty of this temple. The builders of these temples were so precise and delicate in their designs that even with modern technology it would take decades to construct a temple such as this. With more wandering around completed it was a fantastic way to say farewell to two and a half days of temple exploration. I would love to get back to Angkor Wat during the dry season and have the chance again to see it on a beautiful sunny day but if i don't then i won't complain.

The ride back to our guest house was bumpy but as soon as we got there we were straight back into bed. We had a 12.30 bus ride to Phenom Phen and with that taking about 6 hours it wasn't the best day to be hungover. The bus ride itself was pretty good as was the street food that helped clear up the hangover quite well. Making our way into the capital of Cambodia i was filled with a sense of excitement and a little fear as coming from the majesty of Angkor and the Khmer Empire, we were heading into the heartland of the nightmare that was Phenom Phen and the madness that was the Khmer Rouge.

Life inside the Temples...Day Two

Excited was an understatement.

Today was the day finally Sab and I would explore the largest religious monument on the planet.

Angkor Wat was ours for the taking...

...but we would have to wait a day and here's why.

Our fantastic tuk tuk driver (who today was joined by his mate as Sab and I decided we wanted to go motorbike style around Angkor) suggested that we go visit a waterfall before we once again go Indiana Jones style temple side. Considering that the waterfall was in the general direction of our first temple of the day (Banteay Srei) we thought yeah why not. It was only another 15 kms past the temple and the rods so far have been above our standard so why not see what Cambodia can throw up waterfall style. After one of the bumpiest bike rides in history, my ass felt like it went 15 rounds with Mike Tyson. Those roads marinaded my ass to a state slightly above liquid. Once we gained feeling in our legs our tuk tuk driver told us it was going to be another 40 minute walk through the forest to see this waterfall. Sab and I weren't too impressed with this revelation as he could have told us this before we decided that our ass muscles were no longer needed in our lives ever again. The walk through the forest itself was quite nice but the waterfall itself was piss poor compared to the Kuang Si Waterfall in Laos.

Waterfalls Cambodia Style - It wasn't all that bad

Sabs feet started to blister again and the sky was still looking pretty grey as we walked back to the motorbikes and made our way to the temple known as Banteay Srei. This was the sacred feminine temple in Khmer Empire times and the architecture was as always...amazing. The preservation of this temple was one of the best we had seen and you could clearly see intricate carvings all over the temple. I tried to take as many nice pictures as i could but i thought i would buy a book instead. With a slight drizzle coming down and our asses still in shock from the ride from the waterfall to the temple our faith that we would be exploring Angkor Wat today was fast slipping away.

Then the rains came. It rained so hard that Sab and I gave up on seeing Angkor Wat and decided to buy a DVD instead of the place, more money down the toilet. As soon as there was a break in the rain we decided to take a chance and get on the bikes back to Angkor but as soon as we got going, the rains came down again. Actually you can see it for yourself...

Besides getting drenched by the rain, Sab and I decided that we would quit while we were down and go back to our guesthouse. The idea for getting up and seeing Angkor Wat at sunrise was great in theory but we decided to try a little experiment in order to make sure that we got up at 4.30 in the morning to make sure we wouldn't miss this one chance to see Angkor at sunrise.

In the aftermath of our experiment..we succeeded and we failed.

Life inside the Temples...Day One

Breathtaking, Awe-inspiring, Majestic and Powerful.

Sure these are words that describes myself (you can all laugh now) but these four words are the best ones to describe ones feelings after we visited the Angkor temples. We decided on a three day pass and in hindsight, this was an insipred move. From what looked like an adventure that could have been over in one day turned out to be a two and a half day fun filled odyssey.

On the advice of the owner of the guest house we were staying in, they organised a tuk-tuk driver who started the day but not understanding that i needed to get to the bank as the ATM machine took my Mastercard the day before. After giving directions to the driver to the bank, i found that i needed all this paperwork sent over before i could get my card back. Thinking that the card expires in a couple of months before i get a new one, i decided to leave it there in the machine. Sab and i said thank you to our driver and decided to find a new one. Not more than 30 seconds later we found a driver who went by the name of "Funny Guide." Bingo!!

About 30 mins later we were driving past the front of Angkor Wat. Now Angkor Wat is the temple you see on TV or in magazines and even on the Cambodia flag. Sab and I were going to save the biggest and best till last. We drove on a bit further to the second most historic temple at Angkor..the Bayon. The Bayon was considered the centre of the Khmer Universe during its heyday and the ability to actually go inside and explore rather than seeing it from behind a rope was sensational. I felt like a 10 year old boy who stumbled across the biggest cubby house in the world. All around me was thousands of years of history and i could touch it and be inside these wonders of man and imagine how this civiliastion actually created such structures.

Sab and i have concluded that we havn't seen a better historical monument in our lives than Angkor. With the numerous other temples that followed the experience kept getting better and better.

I'm just happy to be here at Angkor

Angkor has an inspirational aspect to it that has not been matched in any place i have ever seen. The day didn't start off to well as Sab and i were ripped of into purchasing Angkor Books and anything else under the sun. We actually videotaped this little adventure and after watching it again, it's amazing how determined Cambodian sellers are to get your money. When i mean sellers i mean anyone between the ages of three and three hundred. This is a constant source of frustration in Cambodia for as much as you want to help out the people here by purchasing things you don't really need (such as my traditional Cambodian Wooden Cow Bell) you can't really find a moments peace to yourself.

Our first stop on the tour was to the Bayon which is the epicentre of the larger Angkor Thom complex. This temple is the second most impressive behind Angkor Wat and its most impressive feature are the carved faces set in massive blocks of stone. It's hard to imagine it was built in the late 12th century but even today looking at these impressive ruins you cannot help but think "How did they do it?" The next stop was the Baphon temple which is as close as the Khmer Empire got to making a pyramid. One side of the structure used to have a recline Bhudda built into the side of it but these days it looks like a big pile of blocks. Once we were there a local decided that he would tag along and tell us about the temple. As impressive as his knowledge was there was the catch at the end of it which was this "i'm a poor student and i need money for tuition." At the time in all honesty Sab and I didn't have any money on us so we couldn't pay him. He walked away dejected and we walked away knowing not to fall for that trap again.

Along our travels we also ventured into the Leper King Temple and the Elephant Terrace and it just added to the whole amazing experience that is Angkor. After lunch we made our way around to other various temples where by we were hassled by more kiddies out of our money. Our list of new pointless but later in life we'll sit back and laugh items included my cow bell, a traditional Cambodian flute, more books and another t-shirt as i sweated my way though the first one. More temples followed (Thommanon and Ta Phrom) which included the one filmed in "Tomb Raider" which looked like it was being held up by these mammoth trees.

Big Temples, Massive Trees!

The long awaited sunset came and after climbing a mountain and finding our spot, we waited for a magical sunset. The only problem was that the sky was very grey and there was only a glimmer of sunset hovering over the massive man made lake. It wasn't the best looking sunset (even though with the help of a amatuer professional Japanese cameraman who had a few tricks in order to get great sunset pics i tried to take one but failed) but the experience was magical until the thunderstorm made the tourists at the top of this mountain temple quickly scamper. With these maginificent temples being only an entree' to the man dish that is Angkor Wat, Sab and i had spent a marvellous day in the ruins of a powerful civilisation and went to bed that night looking forward to the next day and seeing the majesty that is Angkor Wat.

Life outside the Temples - Siem Reap Style

So many landmines...So many victims..this is the real Cambodia.

With our long awaited sleep in out the way (for Sabrina that means waking up after 6.30 a.m.) we decided that today was going to be a quiet day seeing what Siem Reap has to offer outside the mecca that is Angkor Temples.

Eventually leaving our quaint guest house about 10 a.m. I found a pamphlet which told us to visit the Cambodian Landmines museum. On the map which was so far out of scale it was crazy, what looked like a 15-20 minute walk turned out to be a 45 minute slog though the backstreets of Siem Reap. As we ambled along the Siem Reap River we were once again turning a stroll into a mission to find this place. We eventually found the museum whch consisted of a few wooden huts, trees and landmines everywhere. This museum was due to the work of one man: Mr Aki Wa who was captured as a child by the Khmer Rouge and taught how to make and place landmines among the Cambodian countryside. When he was about 15 he was captured by the Vietnamese Army (who came to liberate Cambodia from the Khmer Rouge) and then turned his attention to finding and destroying landmines. His method of choice? A big stick with a knife attached to the end.

Not only does he go all aover Cambodia and continue his search for landmines but he also set up an orphanage for children affected by these horrible machines of war. One such child came with Sab and I around the grounds and explained the different types of mines that were used in Cambodia. His right arm was blown off just under the elbow and he lost his left eye due to the workings of a Chinese made plastic mine which was about the same size as a Coke can cut in half. His story is just one of many here in Cambodia and the sight of all these minds boggled me. How could a country and its leaders force such pain on is own citizens?

The museum was also eye opening not only due to the victims pain but that the fact that as of December 2004, the United States, Singapore and China did not sign the ban on the use and production of landmines. That really pissed me off.

After the museum Sab and I actually directed out Tuk Tuk driver to our next destination. We were on our way to a charity that had blind man massage and you paid donations for the massage. It was one of the most relaxing massages i have ever had and Sab didn't want to get off the table which shows how good they were. The adjoining exhibition showed how this charity helped the lives of children around the country and it made me wish i was in a position of wealth to give large donations to there tireless workers.

Our ride into Siem Reap took us to the old market area which specialised in really smelly foods and trinkets of all shapes and sizes. I didn't find anything i like so we made our way to the ATM to get some more money out. I hit the wrong button on my PIN number and the machine swallowed my card! I thought you got three strikes and you are out. So before we visit the Angkor temples i have to go into town and say "can i have my Mastercard back please?"

With the afternoon rain starting to fall the Grande Cafe was our pitstop for a little while whereby i ate one of the biggest desserts ever in my life. It was crossaunt bread filled with vanilla ice cream and covered in whipped cream, almonds and hot chocolate fudge. Needless to say i destroyed it and my sugar count is probably off the charts right now. I needed a haircut and i found a place that shaved most of the length of my hair off for 2 U.S. dollars. Not the best haircut i've had but not the worst.

So tomorrow it's off the the reason we are here...the famous temples of Angkor. I'll try and get some great photos for you all to see.

Have a great week everyone.

Bye Bye Laos - Hello Cambodia

Sunny Skies, Palm Trees & Religion - Vientiane Style

Before i start Sab and I are in Cambodia at a town called Siem Reap..home of Angkor Wat.

But first i have to tell you something about the travel philosophy of the Italians. When one of your most enduring images of the country of Laos is of an Italian man wearing 2 sizes to small bike shorts with his bulge out there for all the world to see, you know something is just not right. This unfortunate display took place in front of the local restaurant that Sab and i had been dining at that night on the Mekong River. The air was warm and the night sky was dominated by dark grey with the occasional bolt of lightning making a guest appearance. All of a sudden one of the guests of the hotel decided that his eating apparel of choice was of a singlet and shorts that seemed to be painted on. It's not like i was looking on purpose but i was shocked as to me...when you go out to eat the mouse stays in the house...not vice versa. More on the Italians later.

The last time i had updated pepsplace was in the quiet capital of Vientiane. Before we left for the south i decided that it was time to immerse ourselves in Lao history. I know i know..the Beerlao factory is history enough but when the National Museum is across the road from your guesthouse, you know that i want to take a look but when we first entered the rustic mansion things weren't exactly as i secretly hoped for. Instead of seeing old guns and pictures of revolutionaries plastered on the walls, we had come across a history of the human race. I know the basic story. Ape turns into man over a few thousand years but there is no need to know about this. I came here with the explicit idea that i would be surrounded by war and not plastic models of caveman villages near the Mekong River 10,000 or so years ago.

Sab shot me a look that said "Why did you want to come here?" and i was feeling the same. It was the National Museum and i thought that seen that Laos has had more bombs dropepd on it than any other country there has to be something about the Indochina conflict of years before. So far the closest i had come was an ancient pot that used to have deceased babies put inside it for religious purposes. Upstairs was a different story as i finally saw what i came to see. Rustic guns and propaganda..these are the hallmarks of a museum in this part of the world for me. It was great to see that the museum took a very neutral slant towards the countries history especially under 95% of the photos where this line would appear:

"With the help of the Imperialist United States and its puppets."

After that visit which renewed my faith in the amusing Socialist slant of history i had the sudden desire to make my way back to the National Firing Range. It was only a block away but i decided to go against the idea as my body decided it was in need of chocolate mousse more than a Smith & Wesson .38.

The rest of the afternoon saw us count down the time till we made our way down to Southern Laos. We were booked in for a 10 hour busride to a town called Pakse where we would have to jump on another bus and ride another 5 hours to a location called the "4000 Islands." The bus itself wasn't that bad, in fact it was the most comfortable bus we had been on. It even had a flurecent green lights in the engine compartment so that gotta mean something right? Sab and I took the initiative early by deciding to watch "Entrapment" on our portable DVD player rather than watch a dodgy copy of "Broken Arrow" on a TV we couldn't see the top half of. Also the movie was on Lao audio with English subtitles. Whilst the ride wasn't the most comfortable i had managed to actually fall asleep. The only way i knew i was asleep was when in my dream i said to myself "Hey i'm asleep." At about 5.50 in the morning (we had left at 7.30 the night before) we were heading into Pakse and the following video will explain how wake up calls are done in this part of the world.



As you can see, it's probably the worst wake up call in my living history. By the time we got to Pakse it was raining and our cheap ponvchos were taken out of the bag only to be put away again soon after as we caught another bus (this time only 3 hours) to the island of Don Khone, the largest of these 4000 islands. The problem was they weren't really islands per se`. They were just a bunch of trees that somehow pierced themselves from the muddy brown Mekong River and forced themselves skyward. I'm sure when the river is low then they may actually look like islands but for now they looked like one big flooded backyard. After settling in we decided to take the bikes for a spin. at first we were going to actually attempt riding a scooter but due to philosophical differences (the owner said we had to pay for petrol extra and we didn't want to) we opted for the more standard pushbike. The scenery on Don Khone was amazing. All around us there were lush green rice fields and farmers just working away not knowing that only a kilometer down the road in a guest house room, an illegal DVD of "Clerks 2" was going to be played later that night.

Renovators Dream here at Don Khone - Swimming pool avaliable only in wet season.

Then about 30 minutes of seeing the same scenery, we turned back towards the guesthouse where i spend the rest of the afternoon listening to my iPod on the balcony of our guset house and enjoying the delights of a few Beerlao. The next morning Sab and I were boked on a tour of two of the smaller islands - Don Det and Don Khon. These two islands in the Lonely Planet are written up as " a chance to see village life and stay in riverside bungalows." Sounds great but after taking 90 minutes to get there on boat we were told by the boat driver that we had to get off, walk to the bridge that connected the islands, cross it, keep walking and see the biggest waterfalls in Southeast Asia (since then we found out they weren't) walk back and be back at the boat in 5 hours time!

So after walking though mud and between cows and pigs we finally made it to the only railway bridge the French built in Laos. I would have been more interested if not for the fact it took 90 minutes and 5 kilometers instead of the suggested 30 minutes and 2 kilometers. Another hour later we had made it to the Somphamit Falls which during the rainy season looked like a busted sewer pipe rather than the splendor of the Kuang Si waterfalls outside of Luang Prabang. Then it was back towards the boat where it took us two and a half hours to get back due to the strong Mekong current that the boat was driving against. It was a nice day out in hindsight but if someone says you are doing a tour, you would hope that you would actually get a tour guide and not a driver who said" get out and see you soon."

On Teddy's right (your left) is Laos- On his left (your right) Cambodia

Don't get me wrong, the past few days have had some magic but it has been overshadowed in some respects by the twin towers of fear that travellers hate - travel time and transport. The day after our so called 'tour' we were on our way to Kampong Cham in Cambodia. On the way to Cambodia we passed two Lao checkpoints where you had to get your visa stamped to get out of the country. This is where the Italians come into play. Not only did they not get their stamp stamped at either of the TWO checkpoints we passed but we had to wait for them not only to go back up the road and wait for their Laos visa to get stamped, but also wait for them as they were being issued their Cambodian visa and complain to a bus driver on a price to take them to Kampong Cham.

Like John Cusack said in 'High Fidelity' "I'm not the smartest man in the world but i'm not the dumbest either...i'm a middleweight." Even someone with my lack of wordly knowledge is smart enough to know that you:

a) don't smoke like a chimney around minivans as the smell of smoke wafts into the van or on your clothes

b) you can put your arm around your lover put try not to play tonsil hockey every 30 minutes

c) complain to the locals that transport prices are high when you haven't booked seats

d) act like you are the only people in the minivan by talking Italian with the volume turned up.

I don't like minivans. They make me sick physically. When you have 16 people in a bus designed for 12 all i want is some sort of quiet where i can try and block out the fact my bag is where my testicles used t be due to the lack of space. At one time on a bumpy dirt road we had to stop as one of the Italians wanted a photo of a kid on a buffalo. Not to sound like an old biddy but can you do that after we get to our stop. I'm sure there are other kids riding buffaloes like the Lone Ranger around Cambodia. Hell there may be even a buffalo riding academy here but why oh why did we have to stop for them!!

Some of you might say that i'm culturally insensitive to the European traveller. Some of it may be born out of jealousy due to a lack of real culture back in Oz but this time around there were no excuses of the Italians behaviour. It was disgraceful. I was tired and stinky. I hated them. Eventually we made it to Kratie which was three hours before our designated stop but as we were running nearly three hours late it was decided that we would settle here for the night. Whislt we waited for the rest of the bus to move on to Kampong Cham we found out that the bus driver selected for the Kratie - Kampong Cham route got pissed and shot though on his next job. This further delayed the bus and even though we were supposed to get into Kampung Cham about 5 that afternoon - i think they would have arrived about 10pm that night.

This morning (as in today- the day i'm writing this) saw us take a 10 hour busride from Kratie to Siem Reap. Though this was an actual bus and even with the annoying Chinese movie being played through rustic speakers, the journey was quite pleasnt. I tried to sleep but i couldn'tand i wanted to drink water but didn't out of fear of sudden pressure against my bladder in a remote location in a country full of undiscovered landmines. The hours just slowly waltzed by until this afternoon about 5pm when we were greeted by a sea of Tuk Tuk driver all wanting their business. After fiding a guy who said that he was our driver (part of the bus ticket price was a free ride into Siem Reap town on a Tuk Tuk) there was confusion shortly after as another man with our names written in texta came to find us and say "Don't go with him, he is a liar. I've been waiting two hours for you." Well he had our names on a piece of paper and even though there are stories of bus companies giving away clients names and sending them to hotels as part of another 'commission' scandal, we went with the sign wielding driver and made our way into Siem Reap with no troubles.

Tomorrow we are going to have a well deserved sleep in and have a look around town.

Tonight i did have pizza for dinner though, so much for my dislike of Italians huh?

The last time i had updated

Bikes, Beer, Guns...and more Temples.

The National Symbol of Laos - Pha That Luang.

Welcome to Vientiane.

Home of Asia's best beer, Asia's slowest capital city, Asia's most central firing range, Asia's version of the Arc de Triomphe and from what i have seen so far Asia's most simplistic stupa. (Stupa is a type of temple...it's a Bhuddist thing).

The ride in from Luang Prabang yesterday was a bit dicey and i wasn't feeling the best. Add to this when we asked the Tuk Tuk driver who picked us up from the terminal to take us to one part of Vientiane he took us to a completly different part of town just because he may get a comission from the hotel he decided to park us out the front of. We decided to walk around and find a place a bit cheaper and about 10 minutes later we stumbled across a place where by i think we are the only people staying there.

Last night we found ourselves in a ghost town as Vientiane isn't the most exactly populated of capital cities. Sure it pace is slower than a Datsun 120 and the streets are paved with dirt but that didn't deter my tavel buddy and I to get out the next day and see what this capital city has to offer.

Downtown Vientiane - Monday Morning -10.30a.m.

After borrowing bikes from our guest house Sab and i made our way down to the Cambodian embassy to get our visas for the last leg of our Southeast Asian tour. After eventually finding the embassy we decided to check out two architectual triumphs that dominate the Vientiane skyline. Actually a Meccano set replica of the Eiffel tower would dominate the skyline here. So after riding around in the drizzle we finally came across Victory Gate. This was built in 1962 and is supposed to be a replica of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris. The resemblance was uncanny. From the pictures i've seen of the Arc in Paris it is a monument that draws you with it's presence and raw beauty. Vientianes Arc draws you in with its haughtiness and its raw concrete.

Teddy at the Victory Gate

Following the Arc we rode our way through more drizzle to the most important building in Laos. Pha That Luang is the largest stupa in Laos was built in the 16th century. Compared to all the other stupas and temples we have seen so far, i think i like this one the most because the design is simple. It's not flashy like most other stupas but its refined which to make makes it look more regal. According to the locals there is a part of Bhuddas body in here. With the number of temples we have seen that claim to have a piece of Bhudda, i'm guessing that this one contains only a discarded toenail from Bhuddas left pinkie toe.

On our way back from Pha That Luang Sab ran into some trouble with her bike. The chain fell off and some very nice locals helped her fix it. Actually the following video will tell you all the details.

With Sabs bike fixed it was time to squeeze off a few rounds at the Laos Shooting Range just behind the Olympic Stadium. Considering the shooting range is about two blocks from our guesthouse and we are pretty much in downtown Vientiane, it is by far the most centrally located firing range i've ever come across. Considering this is the first firing range i have been to loated in an urban setting, Sab and i did pretty well. We had turns of firing a Russian .22 calibre pistol and i had 15 shots and hit the target 13 times. Not bad considering it's the first time i've ever used a handgun. As much as i enjoyed firing the gun, i'm not about to join the NRA anytime soon. I mean its not that often you get the chance to fire a weapon in the middle of the city...unless you live in Detroit.

I am the Terminator!

After a hearty lunch Sab and i decided that we were going to pick up our Cambodian visas on the way to the Beerlao factory. Because this is by far Asia's best beer we though why not go on the tour and get us a couple of free samples of the liquid gold. As we continued to ride the drizzle that accompaied us all day the drizzle king decided to turn up the volume. What we thought (and were told by a sales representative at a local Honda scooter shop) was going to be a nice 30 minute ride to the factory ended up taking about 80 minutes through the drizzle and riding on those damned potholed dirt roads. Lucky I have an ass that's well padded.

We were drenched and sweaty but for some reason we didn't give in. This was turning into a pilgramige for us and no pissy amount of rain or ass numbing roads was going to stop us now. It was our crusade to get to that Beerlao factory, take the tour and sink some free piss. After eventually finding the factory we were informed by the lady at the front desk that there were no tours this week as the factory was under maintenence. Slightly dissapointed we made our way over to the beer tasting room where no beer before has tasted so good. Even Sab can testify that this is one of the worlds great beers and the effort to get here was well worth it. After picking up a couple of bottle openers for ourselves we had the task of riding back into town.

The best beer in Asia...probably the world.

Another 80 minute ride back into town though more drizzle and dirt, the sight of our guest house was heaven. I would say we rode about 50 kilometers around Vientiane and it was one of the best days on this holday so far. Tomorrow we are going to check out the local markets and the Lao National Museum. That's across the road from our guest house.

The bikes are going to take the day off.